BFF's 1st grade son is being bullied by 4th grader…

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BellaDee:  The only racial thing I see is your friend making something out of nothing where the race of the bully and the principal is concerned.

At my school, if there are issues on the bus, the bus driver tells the school when she/he drops off the kids.  Does your friend’s school do something similar?  Your friend should ask the principal again what is going to be done, and if no definitive actions are being taken, she should talk to the superintendent.  

 

Post # 4
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would go to the police.  It’s assault. Keep your hands to yourself.  That way it’s documented and then I would take the child to a counselor to see what/if damage has been done.   I would think the poilce should be able to get the tape, before it’s erased, it’s your friends child why can’t she see the tape??? Who does get to see the tape. 

My brother had an inicdent at school, 6th graders picking on 2nd graders, my brother and two friends had their pants yanked down on the playground and the school was going to have a talk with the kid & his friends.  The kid in question in the 1st grade was taller than most of the teachers.  My parents went to the police, and took my brother to a counselor.  The counselor assured my parents that he was fine.  The police actually did charge the ring leader with assault and he got probabtion.  My parents hired an attorney, and filed suit against the school and the ring leaders parents.  They resolved it all with a written appology from the school and the kid and that was the end of it, but that kid never picked on anyone again, and of course he and my brother became friends.  

 

Post # 7
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@BellaDee:  Its not unreasonable for the Principal to want to hear the other kid’s version.  Its the fair and responsible thing to do.  

Your friend needs to follow up with the Principal and see what actions, if any, she’ll take and go from there.  

Has your friend considered talking to this kids parents directly?  

Post # 8
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@BellaDee:  You’re right in saying that a child that is in first grade shouldn’t be sitting at the back of the bus. He should be at the front of the bus, and I would tell your friend to request that he does sit towards the front. A 4th grader can handle the middle, but we always reserved the back for high schoolers, maybe middle schoolers if for some reason the older kids weren’t there for a day. I doubt that she is playing favoritism due to the child’s race, but it’s possible that he has caused issues before, and she doesn’t want to add anything else to his file. I was bullied in high school, and when I spoke up about it after things got physical they tried to brush it off like nothing had happened. Turns out the girl had gotten kicked out of 2-3 different area schools, and they were just trying to keep her somewhere. My mom finally got the police involved, and that cleared everything up ASAP. I would tell your friend to set up another meeting with the principal to see what she is doing to stop this situation. If she doesn’t seem to be doing enough definitely have her go to the school board and consider getting the police involved if things continue to escalate.

Post # 10
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@BellaDee:  My Dad was a teacher for years and knew the school would do nothing but possibly submit it for “peer review” which is where the kids invovled sit down with other kids and discuss a solution.   Parent’s are their kids biggest advocates which is why they moved so quick and demanded to be heard.  They are by no means helicopter parents but that kid was HUGE.    The last thing your friend wants for her kid is for him to hate going to school, or for this to change him adversely.   I hope she gets this resoved soon. 

Post # 11
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t understand why the principal can’t set up a conference for all of the parents involved. That’s what my parents would’ve done.

When I was in the 7th grade, I was picked on by a boy (7th or 8th grade). He was a complete asshole. It wasn’t any form of “I like you, teehee, I’m going to pick on you.” I was really tiny and skinny (and a year or more younger than all of my classmates), and this jerk kid used to come up to me and yell at me, call me names, and kick dirt at me. I HATED it, and would cry to my mom about it. I didn’t do ANYTHING to instigate, he just started doing it one day. Well, my mom talked to the school and and the P.E. teachers, who were able to witness it happening, and the kid was moved to a different class. Solved my problem.

Too bad they don’t handle these things like this anymore. They really should.

Post # 12
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

@BellaDee:  I work at a school, and the topic of bullying recently came up at a staff meeting.  IF it is on a bus, the child or parent needs to report it to the bus driver, many students at my school have been suspended from the bus from bullying for the rest of the school yera.

in my school if a parent or student even uses the word “bullying” an investigation needs to happen, to determine whether it is in fact bullying, or a one time occurance, and hten the apporpirate action is taken from there.

if your friend is not getting the support she needs from the school, i would def. go above the principals head.

Post # 13
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

@soccergal7898:  I like the idea of being suspended from the bus. Not really easy for the parents, but if the child has a history of being abusive and the parents have done nothing to change it, then they should be forced to drive their own child to and from school.

Post # 14
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@BellaDee:  Can your friend ask the bus driver to keep an eye out and/or see to it that the two boys sit apart and don’t interact?

Post # 15
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

IMHO, bullying has a lot to do with parenting. This weekend I cut off ties with a “friend”/sitter of almost five years after I talked to her husband about their daughter asking aschoolmate to spit on my daughter(10). 

This girl is 1 of 6 children and my daughter is an only child. Apparently she is jealous of my dd and has been nasty to her for a while but this spitting thing was the last of it. I didn’t call my “friend” because she was at work and I was being considerate. 

Long story but in the end she had the audacity to say that my daughter had a lot of trouble at school (not true) and that I should investigate about that. In the end I just said thanks for everything and good bye.

I might get blasted for this but we’re teaching our kids not to fight back and bullies take advantage of that.

 

Post # 16
Member
5008 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BellaDee:  As a PP said, we are required to open up a bullying investigation as soon as the word “bullying” is used (I am a teacher in NJ).

I would have your friend call the director of transportation, and the superintendent. The way a parent can really make a big deal about something is to call a million people / anyone important and not drop it. Have her call the principal every day until the problem is solved/ a meeting is set up.

If they wont do anything, have her go to the media. I know this sounds extreme but the school should be opening up a HIB (Harrassment, Intimidation, Bullying) investigation as soon as the parent/child said “bullying”.

Also – could she talk to the bus driver when he gets picked up? Just say quickly – can he sit by the front, he’s been having some trouble with the kids in the back? No need to make a scene, just request it and the bus driver should be fine with it. 

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