- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Sorry to just barge into the TTC board but I need to get this off my chest to people who understand, I guess.
We weren’t planning to start TTC until we returned from honeymoon and spoke to a doctor about a couple of things but we kind of had an accident and both reacted with excitement, so we ended up having a go at making a honeymoon baby.
This Monday, about 12 days later, I started getting cramps, felt like I was having a smear test done and needed to pee every time I stood up. Convinced myself I was having implantation cramps.
I wasn’t. BFN. I don’t know if I tested too early. It’s complicated as I was on BCPs to regulate my cycle (I had two pills left the day we had the accident and I just chucked them out). BUT I also take medication for a long-term condition which makes BCPs 50% less effective and doctors always tell me I need another method of contraception.
I have found it impossible trying to figure out when you’re meant to test if you don’t know when you ovulated or when AF is due (I saw the rollcall thread and it was like a foreign language to me) but have in fact been on BCPs, yet could be PG anyway. The pharmacist said I could test now but maybe she’s wrong? We effectively started TTC on the 11th or 12th and I had a withdrawal bleed on the 15th but that’s not AF is it.
I did the test by myself as H was working late and I was dying to know and driving myself kind of crazy. The first one failed, no line in the control window, the suspense nearly killed me, and then I got a BFN.
And I am so, so upset. Which is stupid, because we haven’t even really started TTC and I know it could take months before we conceive, but I just talked myself into it and was excited thinking about how we’d tell people and how it would be a June baby.
H is disappointed but not in a big way as he says, well, we just need to get trying then. I’ve talked to two friends, but they both have babies and both spent months trying, so it seems a bit churlish to complain to them, you know?
I am just stupidly upset about something I never had, because I would have loved a honeymoon baby. I am kicking myself for not just abandoning protection straight away. And thinking maybe it’s my fault for eating swordfish in Hawaii as I only just discovered you’re not meant to have it if you’re pregnant or TTC.
I guess I have learned not to jump the gun and get excited prematurely but how can you not? I am still hoping against hope that I tested too early, but in my heart of hearts I think I’m not PG. Sorry to waffle on and thanks if you read this.