- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
This is a situation that has been going on for nearly a decade now, but things have got to the point where I’m seriously beginning to rethink the friendship.
I have a friend who is younger than me by about 16 years – he’s 29, I’m 44. We met nearly 10 years ago at a job. Over the time we worked together we became good friends, and started socializing outside work. We’ve been through a lot together, and I see him as my best friend.
But he’s always had a problem with taking criticism. He takes offence very easily, and finds it hard to see (or even accept) other people’s point of view. It’s caused some minor ructions in our relationship, but he’s usually ‘got over it’.
Work is a different kettle of fish. In the job we did together, we were closely monitored on a daily basis, and had one to one meetings with our team leaders every 3 months or so. As long as his team leaders praised him and said his work was good, all was fine. But if they pointed out a minor problem….oh dear…
His reaction would be totally out of proportion. First he would argue to the point of getting the director of the company involved. If it still didn’t go his way, he’d then stop going into work. Wouldn’t bother contacting work at all, and if they tried ringing him, he’d hang up the phone. He would then get a letter from HR, at which point he’d get his doctor to sign him off for ‘depression’ – sometimes for week, but usually for a month. On one occasion, he was off for nearly 3 months…
He got away with this for YEARS. He’d get taken to disciplinary meetings, be given a verbal/written warning for 6 months…he’d behave for that length of time, and then it would all start up again. Last August was when he was off for 3 months. He was applying for other jobs in that period of time.
Got an interview with one place. Unknown to me, he gave me as a reference! But not as a personal one, he told them that I owed a internet company, and he created a fake website in my supposed ‘company’ name. Gave them a mobile phone number in case they wanted to call ‘my’ company!
I was livid when I found out. Fraud, plain and simple. He got offered the post, and they sent an email request for a reference…which of course went to the fake email address he had set up! He did his own reference, pretending to be me!
My FI went spare when he found out. I told him that if they somehow managed to contact me, I wouldn’t go along with it…but they didn’t. He was upset with our mutual previous employer because they said he was ‘unreliable’ in their reference – even threatened to get the union involved! He started the new job in January, with a 3 month probationary period.
Last week (just when this probationary period was due to end), he rang me telling me he’d been made redundant. A few days later, he admitted that he’d pulled his old trick and stopped going in…because a deputy manager had criticised his work. Same old story. As usual, hadn’t bothered to contact them until he was forced to. This time, he told them his father had died! They said, fine, but you’ll need a Drs note to cover the time off. Of course he can’t get one – a Dr won’t backdate a note. So basically he’s now sat at home waiting for them to sack him. Won’t be able to pay his mortgage. Seems to think he will get another job within a month…
I can’t believe he’s thrown yet another chance away. I’m tired of trying to get him to get help, or understand that he can’t take everything so personally. Should I remain friends with him?
Sorry for the essay, btw…