(Closed) Bi-polar or just a jerk? LONG!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I don’t know enough about mental health issues to diagnose your FI, but I can tell you that you are in an unhealthy relationship, and you should leave.

Any possibility that he’s no longer sober? Again, I don’t know enough about substance issues, but two days in rehab for cocaine does NOT seem sufficient.

You had your worries when he proposed- you know this isn’t right for you, and I doubt anyone who responds to this post will tell you that it is. Best of luck to you.

Post # 4
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

He could have borderline personality disorder opposed to bipolar.  I really do believe there is a mental issue regarding his behavior.  Does it make everything he does acceptable?  Absolutely not.  He will need counseling/therapy and to go on meds.  All you can do is support him during that time.  If he refuses treatment and to get better, then you need to leave.  It’s only going to get worse.

I have personal experience with my mother.  I also work in a psychiatric hospital.  Please PM me with any questions or concerns.

(hugs)

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah he definitely has mental health stuff going on.  Is he still receiving any form of treatment for his addiction?  Like is he in a 12 step program?  Because addiction never goes away.  Him using drugs may go away but the associated behaviors (like what you’re describing) don’t unless he’s having some kind of solution for his issues.  I think he needs to see a psychiatrist and you need to go to either and ALANON or NARANON meeting.  You’ve said a few things that hint towards a codependent relationship and other people that have been in relationships with addicts/alcoholics can help you understand and also help you to best deal with these issues.  It sounds to me like an untreated addict.  PM me if you have any questions about this.  I have experience with both sides of the issue.

Post # 6
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@lookingforhelp:  I think @rebwana:  and  @Rouquine:  gave you some very good advice.  This is not a healthy relationship, and it’s hurting you deeply.  I’m so sorry you are going through this.  ((HUGS))

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS )) because I know this is painful for you

Personally, I see this relationship right now where it is as

TOO HARD

I’d be looking for a break (Wedding Postponement) … him to get his stuff under control… BEFORE I’d continue with any plans for a Wedding

Like the others, I think something is going on… be it chemically within himself (bipolar – depression, whatever) OR thru something externally (such as coke)

He needs to get a grip on that

Daily Mood Swings, Massive Fights etc… are not what should be happening in the time BEFORE you marry… this should be the happiest run of your relationship… leading up to the Wedding, and the Honeymoon / Newlywed Stage.

 

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am soooo sorry you are going through this but i would tell him you aren’t marrying home until he gets help. Bc you are either going to get married and be unhappy or not get married and find someone who will be kinder and more respectful….there is plenty of fish in the sea and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Again I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 9
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Marrying him* (iPad sux at typing)

Post # 10
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t let him create a new normal for you that is soooo unhealthy. This man needs to be your ex, not your future husband.

Post # 11
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My FI is bi polar and this does not really sound like bipolar behavior (but I’m no expert).  However, it does sound like your FI has some mental health issues.  He needs to see a psycologist, a doctor, not just a counselor.  Get him professional medical help asap.  If he refuse then you should end it.  However, I don’t think you should leave him if he tries to get help

Post # 12
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

This is not normal and the two of you created a really bad habit of breaking up and making up to make you guys feel better in the relationship.  He may have been self-medicating with cocaine for his mental health issues (which clearly created other problems).  He needs to seek counseling/therapy.  I think this relationship is unhealthy and I’m not sure that counseling can help get it fixed. 

Perhaps postpone the wedding, seek couples and separate counseling and then see how the relationship progresses before you make any wedding commitments. 

Post # 13
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What a difficult situation, I really feel for you! Others have given very good advice. My only other note is that loving someone, while indisputably a requirement for a good marriage, is not the only requirement. Your own peace, joy, stability, sanity, and life enjoyment with your partner are also critical. If you marry this person, this is what your life will be like.  You’ve had a full picture of what the next 30-50 years will be like – is that a life you seek?

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