- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Well, bees, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder/manic depression when I was approximately 14 years old. For five years, I was on medicine that made me into a complete zombie. I found that it wasn’t doing me or my body any good (I also gained a ton of weight), so I decided I needed to learn how to deal with it on my own. I was doing extremely well until sometime last year.
In April 2010, I stopped going to college. I became disinterested in my major and school all together. I wasn’t working because I was having the HARDEST time finding a job. I decided because I couldn’t find a job that I needed to go back to school to take some sort of class. So, September 2010 – December 2010 I took a Medical Office Administrator class. I ended up with a job in February and have been working this past month, but only 16 hours a week. Things are going really good in my life, but of course we’ll always have ups and downs.
I find that I’ve been really depressed/unmotivated lately. I can’t seem to break it. I am currently looking for a second part-time job or a hobby to help fill in the hours that I’m not working. I am definitely alienating myself from J’s parents (we’re currently living with them until our financial situation gets better) and from the world really. I don’t feel like myself whatsoever. I have been down on myself as well and not feeling like I’m good and pretty enough – anything of that sort. I just feel like I’m wasting away precious time as well.
I also believe that I may suffer from PMDD and it’s about that time for me. I haven’t been feeling good and I just feel worn out.
I hate that I feel this way. It’s not me. I’m usually the random, laughing, and most ridiculous person in the room. I love being positive and helping people. But I’m finding it harder and harder each time to re-discover myself and get through these phases. I’m at a lost. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I can’t stand it anymore.
Is there anyone who can relate to this or knows someone who goes through the same? If so, what do you (or the other person) do to help yourself?
Look forward to hearing some of your stories/suggestions.