Post # 1
Hi all – First post on weddingbee! I am eloping @ city hall with my FI in January 2013 and having immediate family only. The following Sat night we are hosting a dinner party of 35 people (family & closest local friends). We are 100% financing this evening ourselves.
I barely have a relationship with me brother… and even less of one with his wife. For example, when I was engaged, the only acknowledgement was a card from my brother – no phone call – and thought it odd not even a facebook note from her! My bro has a very troubled stepson, a freshman in college (think substance abuse, the law/police, etc.). I simply do not want him there. Not only am I worried about shenanigans and a bad attitude, I cringe at the thought of wasting a paid seat on him when I could instead invite another friend. (35 is a hard limit, if we go with a certain restaurant, that is the cap on their private rm).
It’s unknown at this point if him and the wife could make it to the actual elopement on a Friday – they are certainly invited but from out of state – more than likely they would just make it to the Sat dinner. He is 18/19 so I can’t really use the excuse of him being a “child” (e.g. adults only wording). Fingers crossed he will be too busy with schoolwork or college commitments.
The plan: include his name on the invite, however, speaks with my bro privately re: concerns.
Thoughts? Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
If he’s traveling from out of town for the wedding it’s really the least you could do to invite him to the dinner as well. I think it would be very, very rude to invite him to one but not the other.
Post # 4
How long has your brother been married?
If he married fairly recently, then you have no connection to the step-nephew at all. You invite your brother and of course his wife, but her adult child is an independent person now, there’s no need to invite him.
If your brother has been married a long time it’s trickier, because I don’t think you should distinguish between the step-nephew and other nieces and nephews. If he has a track record of actually disrupting events, then don’t invite him because of that. But if he is just going to sit there and be unsociable, I think he deserves an invite as much as any other niece or nephew. (Of course if you are inviting no other nieces and nephews, you can simply apply the same rule to him).
Post # 5
@paula1248: If he has a track record of actually disrupting events, then don’t invite him because of that. But if he is just going to sit there and be unsociable, I think he deserves an invite as much as any other niece or nephew.
I agree with this. If the kid is just a jerk and you simply don’t like him, you kind of have to put it aside for the night… He is your brother’s son. And assuming you invite other neices/nephews, it would be particularly crappy to leave him out. If he’s the typical self-asborbed teenager then chances are he won’t want to attend anyway. Rather than create turmoil, just invite him and bank on him not coming.
And by the way, even though it’s a small afair, you’re going to be on cloud nine, you won’t even notice and/or care if he acts like a turd.