Post # 1
when FI and i got engaged, i didn’t get a ring. mostly because he proposed out of the blue, and didn’t have a ring for me. which is fine, cause i have a couple sparkly fake ones that i like to wear. and i know that he didn’t have the $$ to buy me a ring right away.
so. here’s the dilemma.
1) i’ve been talking to a jeweler, and i have a ring chosen. it’s gonna be around $2400 total, depending on the diamond (or if i can get him to set a moissanite, less), for a beautiful ring. i’ve chosen all the specifics, from the setting to the shape of the stone. FI isn’t financially ready to buy the stone yet, so we’re waiting on that.
2) i’m out here, visiting his family for a week. and his mother pulls out this box. it’s his great grandmother’s wedding set. i love vintage things. my dream wedding band is an art deco floral ring from fay cullen. and, it’s pretty, but it needs repair. and the centre stone is TINY. and i know i’m being totally selfish for that, but it’s super small. it’s probably around 1/4ct.
his mother said that we can have the rings. because neither of us are in any place to be spending that much on a ring (she does have a point, i don’t work aside from random freelance design, because i’m a full time student. and he works retail part time).
i do love that the stone is an heirloom (he’s the only son, so we “get it in the end anyway”), cause it means a lot. it means a lot that she wants me to have it. and i like the ring. it’s really quite pretty, but it’s not really my style. and even if we had it re-set, it’s so small. i’d feel self conscious about it (i have friends who are married/engaged, and they have all of these big rings), because it’s so small. i know that sounds super selfish of me. but i don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
I would take the ring from her for now. It’s a generous and beautiful gift. And perhaps you could rework it to put in a larger stone as you can afford it? I wouldn’t want to turn the gift down from her. Eventually when you get your dream ring you could wear that other one as a right hand ring?
Post # 4
@colorofmyheart: Could you “upgrade” when your FI is financially in a place to get that other ring? Plus then you’ll still keeping it in the family to pass down one day. I woudl accept the gift and wear it until you are in a better place financially to get that dream ring 🙂
Post # 5
I would accept the ring graciously, and wear it proudly. It may be small, but it’s SO sentimental. In a few years, after you’re married, you can get the ring you designed and keep the original as a keepsake for your daughters when they get married.
Post # 6
If it’s a financial stretch right now for you guys to buy an ering (and it sounds like it is, from what you’ve said), then go for the heirloom. Your dream set can be a wonderful anniversary gift when you guys have the financial means.
Post # 7
You could always keep the stone and get the setting you want. Even if it is small, it’s an heirloom and that’s awesome!
Post # 8
Accept the gift. You wouldn’t want to seem ungrateful. You can always keep the ring like it is for sentimenal value for all included and have FI buy an awesome wedding band to enhance it for now. down the road you could even swap the center stone for a bigger one and reset the original stone in a new smaller setting or a pendant for a necklace. My mom took her original stone and placed it in a pendant and she passed that pendant down to me. I wear it everyday!
Post # 9
@MerryWidow: +1 wear it and in a few years purchase what you like and wear the grandmothers set on the right hand until you can pass it on to your kids
Post # 10
his mom said that we’re welcome to reset the stone into something i like, so i think we may go that route for now. i just have to talk to him, and see what he wants to do.
again, thank you for all the advice. i really do appreciate it.
Post # 11
do you have a pic of the grandmothers set?
Post # 12
Why dont you forgo the engagement ring for now, if its not financially viable and get yourself a really pretty diamond wedding band with your small but beautiful heirloom diamond set into it.
Later on when finances are right, you can get a beautiful big ring that you love!!!
Another option is to get the diamond set in a double halo semi mount that you can buy online.
Pompeii3 and lord of gems have loads of semi mount options for smaller diamonds. (they are purse friendly aswell)
Post # 13
Take the ring, wear it, get your dream ring later when you both have full time jobs and perhaps move the heirloom ring to your right hand.
Post # 14
@colorofmyheart: I think that is the best choice! How sweet of his mother to offer his grandmother’s ring for you to wear!
Post # 15
we took the ring to a jeweler, and the stone is being reset into a setting i chose! i’ll have the ring this afternoon, so expect photos (:
i’m super excited, i didn’t expect it to happen so soon. but things fell into place. and yeah. i get a ring today!
Post # 16
@colorofmyheart: Yay! That is so exciting. Can’t wait to see it! I had a similar conundrum and am really happy that I decided to wear the heirloom. People really appreciate how special it is to have a piece of family history. Congratulations!