(Closed) Big disappointment/Is he playing games with me – this will be a bit long.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think the pancakes and flowers were a sweet thing. More thought and effort than other things he could’ve given you. Maybe he’s low on money right now because he bought the ring and that’s why your birthday gifts weren’t more extravagant? Just from what I’ve read, I don’t think he’s playing games with you. Maybe he’s working on getting things together. I’d give it a bit more time before I started worrying.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 It sounds to me like what he was saying/implying wasn’t what you were inferring – iow, it was a miscommunication. Maybe he has a separate plan for proposing; maybe he’s trying to mislead you so he can surprise you; but unless you think he’s extremely deceitful and manipulative, I doubt he’s just messing with your head.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How long have the two of you been together? You mentioned that this February was your first Valentine’s Day together. Honestly, this guy sounds like a keeper. He clearly values you and treats you well. Maybe was planning something and things fell through (he couldn’t get the ring in time, etc)? Maybe he’s planning on waiting a little longer. I wouldn’t stress it and be grateful for the things you have in this situation.

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I went through two birthdays where I thought FI was going to propose.  He ended up doing it 2 months before the NEXT birthday.  Those birthdays and pretty much everytime we went out after I knew he bought the ring I thought was definitely going to be the day and wound up disappointed many times.  Eventually it happened when I least expected it. 

Just relax.  If he talks about marrying you and says he even has a ring picked out, it WILL happen so try to stop stressing over it and enjoy life.  It sounds like you have a very thoughtful boyfriend who gave you a fabulous v-day present and did less expensive, but sweet things for your birthday to save some cash for some beautiful bling in your near future.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t mean to upset you, but honestly he sounds a bit flighty – like he can’t help but say something in the heat of the moment for a reaction. Perhaps he really meant that sometime in the future he plans to marry you, not literally putting a ring on your finger the very next gift giving opportunity. Regardless, such big statements shouldn’t be said so casually, it gets hopes up and is likely to disappoint. To me, actions speak louder than words.

Post # 8
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@cmbr:  +1 – my thoughts exactly

Post # 9
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I can see why you are upset, and men can sometimes be like that, don’t think things they say, but from what you wrote I don’t think he is playing any games.

In my opinion, he didn’t propose because he couldn’t get the ring on time, and your presents were simple because he already pay for the ring. I think he will do it soon, because he obviously thinks about it, and plans to do it. My boyfriend, for instance, when I brought up the marriage subject, was in shock, since he never tought about it before, and he talks about us being married and with kids (in a somewhere future).

So, your guy looks like a keeper, and I know it’s hard, but you have to be patient. 🙁

Anyway, you guys sound like you have a great relationship, so be honest with him. I would advice you speak with him and tell him how you feel, and see what he says. Maybe he didn’t want to propose in front of other people, or maybe he decided to do it when you were not expecting it. There is no way to know, if you guys don’t talk.

::huggs::

Post # 11
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

It seems like you got your hopes up and you want to be mad at him, but you can’t. How is that fair?

You should be a bit more reasonable about this. This man could be planning a proposal for you and you got your hopes up so high that you secretly resented him for not reading your mind. What if he did that to you? You can’t hold him to a expectation that you haven’t verbally set around him.

I suggest you openly hear him out regarding marriage. He is aware that you are divorced and he probably is taking his time because he wants to make sure everything goes as planned.

After that, you need to be doing some “internal work.” Why are you so pressed to have this man marry you right now? Are you stressed? Afraid of losing him? Afraid of age? What is it that would make you act like this?

Finally, appreciate him and those kids. Give them a verbal affirmation DAILY. Just because everything isn’t exactly where you want it to be with him, doesn’t mean that you should stop appreciating it.

He sounds like a great guy. Give him a chance. 

Post # 12
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wow.. You’re not gift grabby? Really? 

This man seems golden and you seem unappreciative-  “At least my job remembered my birthday” ?!? He cooked your family what sounded like an amazing dinner and made you breakfast and bought you flowers. It wasn’t a ring- what you wanted or expected- and I don’t think you should have reacted the way you did. Give it time, what’s the rush anyway? It sounds like you guys haven’t even been together that long. 

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