Big fight am I wrong, how to fix it?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@HappyHannah1980:  Ouch, tough spot you’re in.  While I see that you basically had to take the position, I can understand why he’s upset that you didn’t at least talk it over with him before.  That is a fairly big thing not to discuss with him.  As for apologizing I’d say sit down with him, when he’s not tired from work or rushing, apologize and then talk it over explaining why it’s necessary and that if you don’t all of the sacrifices he’s been making in terms of putting his goals on hold will be for naught if you don’t do this.  Talk about it in terms of your goals as a couple.  It sounds like you caught him at a bad moment and he’s mostly hurt that you made the decision without at least asking him.  Breathe deep and don’t worry.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

you are doing the right thing!  he is being incredibly selfish!!! I am actually appauled by how selfish he is being….

and just because when you are done school you will have to relocate for work doesnt mean he cant go back to school…. i am sure where ever you move to there will be universities or colleges near by! Hell there is even online school that he can take to further his education!

you are 1 million percent in the right and your SO needs someone to tell him to grow up! DO NOT EVER FEEL BAD for wanting to better yourself and putting education first… if he cant respect that and be proud of you for that… he may not be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with… Absolutely DO NOT apologize to him on this one!

Post # 5
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can see why he is upset. I would have spoken to my SO before just accepting, however, I do believe it is in your best interest to start right away (especially since you have insurance on your vacation). I’m guessing he is upset because you made this decision without consulting him but I do think he overreacted.

 

Post # 6
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

School is more important than a vacation. I don’t think you’re wrong and I think he’s being a brat about it. I understand if he’s bummed but that’s about it. I think he’s way out of line.

Post # 7
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@HappyHannah1980:  you’re doing the right thing by working hard to ensure your future, which, will last a lifetime. A vacation…wont. By now he should realize what he’s signed up for and he needs to roll with the punches and man up. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, and I hope he comes around…

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’re definitely not in the wrong–He’s being riddiculous!

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

vacations are sooo easily replacable and come and go…. school is a little more difficult to do over… and by the sounds of it this opportunity is pretty close to a 1 shot deal! he should be thrilled for you!!!

you could possibly suggest a weekend getaway.. so that way not all is lost?

 

sorry for the double post! his reaction on this got me really upset!

Post # 10
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i think you were right to accept. i don’t think you needed his permission or ok to do so, but i would have def discussed it with DH if I were in this situation.

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsBeck:  I totally agree. It sounds like this isn’t about the vacation, but instead about the fact that he feels like his life is on hold for you to finish school, and then you made this decision without even consulting him. I think he handled it poorly, but I would feel the same way if I were him.

Post # 12
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@sara_tiara:  i have to disagree…. by the sounds of it she could be done school by march of this year at the latest…. he isnt putting his life on hold for anything…. march is 2 months away!

i 100% get that he may want to go back to school or get a new job… but it is incredibly selfish for him to expect her to give up all of the schooling she has done so far when she is a mere 2 months away from being permanently done.. and then when they move ( i assume shortly after completing school)… like i said he can get a new job or go back to school then….. 2 months is a really short amount of time!

Post # 13
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds more like he’s upset that you made a major life decision without him, not that he’s angry over the internship details in and of himself. In that, I agree with him. Your decisions have a direct impact on him, and while I certainly don’t think you made a wrong choice, I think he’s reasonably and understandably upset that he didn’t get a say in things. It sounds like you each owe the other an apology and a sincere attempt to try better next time.

Post # 14
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I really understand your fiance’s regarding putting his life on hold. I had to do the same thing when my husband (fiance at the time) was in school and there were definitely times where I felt resentful and frustrated. Although I understood how important school is and I am so proud of him completing it, there were definitely moments where it I felt like I had no control over things in my life and I overreacted to things. 

I do agree that you simply had to take this internship. It is very important. However, you made a decision that effects both of you without talking to him first. Even though you made the right choice, it isn’t very nice to just up and reschedule a vacation that was supposed to be for the two of you without discussing it. 

Regardless, I am sure you both will move on from this fight soon enough. You’re both likely just stressed with your schooling situation, but look on the bright side – you’re almost done! Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

And he wouldn’t be livid if being this close to graduation after 3 years, you had to repeat 300 hours of internship and pay a $1200 fee?

I understand that maybe he feels like he is never your priority, but logically, it is in your and his best interest for you to finish school ASAP. Sure it’s disappointing to delay a vacation, but it’s not like traveling is a “now or never” thing for you. You will be able to vacation together, with your degree, and $1200 not spent on fees. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Agree with PP.  While I think he’s most upset about you not talking to him first, I think the outcome should be the same either way, so it really doesn’t matter.  I’d apologize for not informing him of the decision first, but in no way apologize for having to reschedule the vacation. 

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