Big fight right before Christmas :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Awww, sorry to hear that! I hope you guys work it out. Sounds like you both need to force yourselves to listen. Chin up! You’ll get past it!

Post # 4
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

I was given some great advice one time. “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”  This was great for me. Who the heck cares about being right when you are miserable?

Post # 5
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@WillowTreeWade:  Great advice, im going to remember that.

Post # 6
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Go downstairs, get him off the couch an apologize for your part in the arguement. You know it’s the right thing to do. If you start letting your guard down I would bet he will too and apologize back. Then, agree to let it go. You will both be a lot happier if you learn to let it go. You don’t have to “win” every argument. Discuss it like adults. “I didn’t like when you said X, it hurt my feelings”. “I’m sorry for what I said”. Just acknolwdge your parts in the issue, take ownership, forgive and move on. 

 

Post # 7
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Country Club

Wow, I have gone throw this very same thing also on a holiday. It is hard for to say I’m sorry as well, especially when the argument started with him upsetting me, but I have learned to swallow my pride (at times)  and say “hey, I did not appreciate what you did, but I am sorry for the way I handled it”. 

Is there something you two do to get back in touch when upset (after taking time to cool off)? Something to break the ice (dh husband and I like to do push ups together and jump while holding hands, silly but it works for us to get in a better mood). Give it a try,  whatever it is you two do, and go from there. He’s probably dealt with the same when you have started some actions that have upsetted him. I really hope it works out for you soon. 

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Go get your boy. Give him a hug. Tell him you love him but he hurt your feelings and you two can talk (just talk) about it tomorrow. Seriously, you don’t sound like it was a very serious matter that couldn’t be resolved. I suffer when my FI and I have any sort of spat. It is very rare but it upsets me to just be upset with him. Things are better when we just snuggle and talk about it in low voices.

Also…it is the holidays. My poor FI went to work this morning because his boss is making him. Everyone is tense and overworked in their own way and it would easily cause us all to act up a bit, so don’t be too hard on yourself or him. 

Post # 9
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@WillowTreeWade:  +1000

it doesn’t matter who started it or who says sorry First. I am always squally te one to apologize first even when I don’t think I should be. But it’s better to just get te I’m sorry ball rolling then be stubborn. It saves a lot of time being upset and unhappy.

Post # 10
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a pretty hard time apologizing unless I have time to cool off. It sounds like you’ve had that time and realize that an apology is in order but now you’re just waiting for him to do it first. Would you rather start Christmas off as a crabby couple? Or would you rather be the bigger person and go give him a big hug and apology to start the holidays off right? 

Post # 11
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I got into quite an argument last night too. Tis the season, I guess….

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

@Jessicachantal:  Sometimes you do need to say sorry, even if your spouse’s actions are what caused the fight, especially if your reaction and behavior were out of line. 

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? So many fights can be avoided by deciding you want to be happy rather than right.

Post # 13
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

@WillowTreeWade:  I have recently been doing this (to great success!!), but I love the way you’ve coined the phrase. This will be my new mantra for the new year!! 😀

Post # 14
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Another bee here who tries to swallow her pride and apologize first. Like a PP said, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. Trust me, I always feel so much better and the anger completely defuses after an apology and a hug.

Post # 15
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Jessicachantal:  Same boat as you last night– we had an argument.  Truth be told, it was more like me losing my cool with him- but it happened because of something he did (or rather didn’t do).  I didn’t need to be the little b*tch that I was…..I am just SOOOOOOOO PMS-sy right now (not a good excuse)– and I couldn’t help it.  

And now he’s at work, and I am at home with kiddo- and we have TWO families to see later today, and then all day at my mom’s tomorrow.  I don’t even feel like going today :/ Just because I am anti-social.

 

It’s hard to be the first person to apologize, especially if you are both feeling like the other person “started it”- to put it childishly.  Or if it’s a gray area and two people are sort of stubborn….

Apologizing first is something I am working on- thankfully we are a great team usually.  

Post # 16
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Jessicachantal:  I have a hard time saying sorry too, especially if I feel that ‘he started it’. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong too ( even if you didnt start it). It will really help move things along, especially since you have to see people the next two days

Its not too late to kiss and make up,  move on, and have a happy christmas!!!

 

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