Post # 1
FI and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I’m just really bummed out that we are fighting right before Christmas which is supposed to be a happy time. And we are both too stubborn to make it right at the moment … I know we will be fine but we both need to calm down. It’s a couch night tonight 🙁 I wish I could be less stubborn and learn to say sorry first… I never do… I’m just still so mad and really feel like the first apology should be from him right now, because his actions are what started this mess… I didn’t handle myself well through the argument though and for that I feel maybe I should just swallow my pride and be the one to say sorry first this time. I know our relationship is strong overall and everyone has fights I’m just sad that we are like this right before a happy holiday with our family… Thanks for letting me vent I guess! Having a rough sleepless night 🙁
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Awww, sorry to hear that! I hope you guys work it out. Sounds like you both need to force yourselves to listen. Chin up! You’ll get past it!
Post # 4
I was given some great advice one time. “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” This was great for me. Who the heck cares about being right when you are miserable?
Post # 5
@WillowTreeWade: Great advice, im going to remember that.
Post # 6
Go downstairs, get him off the couch an apologize for your part in the arguement. You know it’s the right thing to do. If you start letting your guard down I would bet he will too and apologize back. Then, agree to let it go. You will both be a lot happier if you learn to let it go. You don’t have to “win” every argument. Discuss it like adults. “I didn’t like when you said X, it hurt my feelings”. “I’m sorry for what I said”. Just acknolwdge your parts in the issue, take ownership, forgive and move on.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2015 - Country Club
Wow, I have gone throw this very same thing also on a holiday. It is hard for to say I’m sorry as well, especially when the argument started with him upsetting me, but I have learned to swallow my pride (at times) and say “hey, I did not appreciate what you did, but I am sorry for the way I handled it”.
Is there something you two do to get back in touch when upset (after taking time to cool off)? Something to break the ice (dh husband and I like to do push ups together and jump while holding hands, silly but it works for us to get in a better mood). Give it a try, whatever it is you two do, and go from there. He’s probably dealt with the same when you have started some actions that have upsetted him. I really hope it works out for you soon.
Post # 8
Go get your boy. Give him a hug. Tell him you love him but he hurt your feelings and you two can talk (just talk) about it tomorrow. Seriously, you don’t sound like it was a very serious matter that couldn’t be resolved. I suffer when my FI and I have any sort of spat. It is very rare but it upsets me to just be upset with him. Things are better when we just snuggle and talk about it in low voices.
Also…it is the holidays. My poor FI went to work this morning because his boss is making him. Everyone is tense and overworked in their own way and it would easily cause us all to act up a bit, so don’t be too hard on yourself or him.
Post # 9
it doesn’t matter who started it or who says sorry First. I am always squally te one to apologize first even when I don’t think I should be. But it’s better to just get te I’m sorry ball rolling then be stubborn. It saves a lot of time being upset and unhappy.
Post # 10
I have a pretty hard time apologizing unless I have time to cool off. It sounds like you’ve had that time and realize that an apology is in order but now you’re just waiting for him to do it first. Would you rather start Christmas off as a crabby couple? Or would you rather be the bigger person and go give him a big hug and apology to start the holidays off right?
Post # 11
If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I got into quite an argument last night too. Tis the season, I guess….
Post # 12
@Jessicachantal: Sometimes you do need to say sorry, even if your spouse’s actions are what caused the fight, especially if your reaction and behavior were out of line.
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? So many fights can be avoided by deciding you want to be happy rather than right.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
@WillowTreeWade: I have recently been doing this (to great success!!), but I love the way you’ve coined the phrase. This will be my new mantra for the new year!! 😀
Post # 14
Another bee here who tries to swallow her pride and apologize first. Like a PP said, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. Trust me, I always feel so much better and the anger completely defuses after an apology and a hug.
Post # 15
@Jessicachantal: Same boat as you last night– we had an argument. Truth be told, it was more like me losing my cool with him- but it happened because of something he did (or rather didn’t do). I didn’t need to be the little b*tch that I was…..I am just SOOOOOOOO PMS-sy right now (not a good excuse)– and I couldn’t help it.
And now he’s at work, and I am at home with kiddo- and we have TWO families to see later today, and then all day at my mom’s tomorrow. I don’t even feel like going today :/ Just because I am anti-social.
It’s hard to be the first person to apologize, especially if you are both feeling like the other person “started it”- to put it childishly. Or if it’s a gray area and two people are sort of stubborn….
Apologizing first is something I am working on- thankfully we are a great team usually.
Post # 16
@Jessicachantal: I have a hard time saying sorry too, especially if I feel that ‘he started it’. Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong too ( even if you didnt start it). It will really help move things along, especially since you have to see people the next two days
Its not too late to kiss and make up, move on, and have a happy christmas!!!