Big O feels good you say???…I wouldn't know

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think some counselling is in order. If you are comfortable with it try self stimulation. Try a clitoral vibratoR. If that doesn’t work check with your Doc. Are you on medications? Anti depressants can prevent orgasms

Post # 4
Member
3412 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Are you using clitoral stimulation? Ie small bullet vibe whilst having sex/ masturbating??

I think some time on your own with the right toy may help, but it never hurts to seek a specialist opinion. I don’t think an injection will help if the issue is psychological though.

Post # 5
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 

@maReeposa: 

I went through the same thing.  I agree that you should take your time and really find out what does it for you.  It took me years and a patient partner… but I don’t think he minds since he is marrying me in 2 weeks.  🙂  Even though I can actually get there now, it still can take forever and most times not at all.  You’re completely right that it does feel good and is enjoyable but you just don’t get to that big moment.  I too had a very religious upbringing (like boarding school religious).  I never thought of that as being the reason but I can see how that would make sence.  I think there can be many reasons from how our own personal bodies are all the way to sexual abuse.  Don’t give up though. I too started being active at 17 and finally figured it out when I was about your age.  I am almost 29 now and its still a learning adventure.  Good luck!

 

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It is very, very hard for most women to experience an orgasm from oral or from penetrative sex. Most women can only orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris.

You really need to explore this yourself, alone. Most of the time if touch needs to change (faster, slower, a little to the left, harder, softer etc), by the time you communicate this with your partner, the feeling and build up is gone. BUT if you do it yourself, you know within milliseconds what needs to change and how to make this happen. The more orgasms you have, the easier it is to have them.

 

Your FI is right, take some time to yourself and learn about your own body and how to make it feel good. Remember, orgasms are good for you in terms of your health, so you are doing your body a favour. 😛 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

@maReeposa:  I’m 28, and have been sexually active since I was 20, and explored by myself before then.  I come from an extremely liberal background, and have always been quite comfortable with sexuality.  However, I’ve never, ever had had an orgasm.  I’ve read books, experimented and bought various toys to try and help, and nothing worked.  I understand exactly what you are talking about, and I know how frustrating it can be.  I think this is an incredibly common problem especially among youger women.  

 I also think its problematic to look at the inability to orgasm as an ‘issue’ that needed to be resolved.  I know, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t finish, and it was a problem that needed to be fixed.  I felt I had to find a solutiuon, that I was missing out on something important, and I HAD to try different things to resolve it.  I felt that, on some level, I was dissapointing my partner.  In a way, sexuality became work for me.  The more I worried about it, the farther away orgasm was.  I felt anxious about finishing, and it stopped me from ever even coming close.  I only made some decent progress when I realized that there was nothing wrong with me, and that I was enjoying sex less because I was so focused on finishing.  

Now, I try never to think of orgasm as necessary.  Yes, sure it would be nice to finish, but thats not the point of sex.  It still doesn’t entirely work, but it has helped me moved forward.  The moment I start thinking, omg I’m going to finish or I hope I orgasm, all sexual excitement just vanishes into thin air.  I have also found that instructional books re:sexuality are pretty helpful (try the Joy of Sex or the Elusive Orgasm). They have given me new ideas for fun things to try in bed, and made me realize there are a lot of different types of normal.  That was very helpful for me, as I’m pretty sure that whatever is preventing me from finishing is psychological.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
21 posts
Newbee

My points that I would add from my experience (I’m sorry if this is blatant- sometimes it helps to spell it out and I would like to help)

– I can never experience an orgasm from penetration alone. It has to be both clitoral and penetrative. Get your partner to use his fingers on this area and guide him to what feels good. It may still take a while for an orgasm to ‘build’… ask your partner to be patient and even then, it might take a couple of occassions to be able to relax and let go

– I can ALWAYS orgasm on top. Haha, it’s nice and reliable!

– I have to be fairly ‘warmed up’ and have had lots of stimulation (just general making love) otherwise I might not get there. But if there’s lots of warming up – that equals good orgasm! It’s also okay to not get there. I sometimes don’t and both of us are okay with that.

– building on from that, orgasms shouldn’t become the main focus you see. But it sounds like you and your partner know this anyway 🙂

– Relax and have fun! It will happen eventually. You have forever to get there 😀

Hope any of that helps you, I really do 🙂

Post # 16
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

@maReeposa:  I would really start exploring yourself, by yourself.  If you can’t get yourself to orgasm there’s probably no chance that he can either, you know?  You have to feel for yourself, like with your own fingers or toy.

Seriously, get a vibrator – the kinds with different speeds are awesome.  Get two, or three.  Experiment.  Read and re-read Tickles’ post – she nails it on the head.    

Looking back, it took me years in pre-/early adolescence to figure out how to bring myself off, and I suspect it’s the same for many people.  If you’ve only become comfortable and open with sexuality since your late teens or twenties, it might take you awhile.  I think of it like learning a language when you’re a child vs when you’re an adult – it’s easier when you’re younger!  This especially makes a lot of sense if you were raised in a very religious/strict environment.  

Good luck, and it really is about the journey, not necessarily the destination.  With enough practice you’ll get there!  

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