Post # 1
So the main thing FI wants out of our wedding weekend (besides marrying me!) is to have a big party with our friends and just get to hang out with them. Most of our friends are out of state so we don’t see them very much, and FI will have recently returned from a deployment.
The only issue is there are a lot of guests that we feel we have to invite to the wedding, parents aunts and uncles etc… I would be much more inclined to invite these people if it didn’t put a huge dent in our budget.
My parents came up with a solution, but I would like some input. What if we invite our good friends and everyone we REALLY want to see to our rehearsal dinner the night before. This dinner would involve bbq, DJ/ dancing, and alcohol. Big party. Then the next day we have our wedding at 2pm and have a simple dessert reception, limited alcohol (if any) and not much dancing beyond the traditional dances.
Any thoughts on this?
Essentially we just want to have a good time with people we love and at the same time not exclude anyone
Post # 3
I personally wouldn’t party the night before a wedding…you’ll look puffy and tired the next day. What about doing light apps (instead of a full dinner) as well as bar and DJ for the wedding to save some cash but still have the same result.
From an etiquette standpoint, you really shouldn’t invite anyone to a rehearsal dinner who’s not invited to the wedding (and the reception).
Post # 4
I agree about the not partying the night before! What about the weekend before? I think it’s ok not to invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner. We aren’t. Neither is my MOH who is marrying this July. She is having close family and the BP only. Her guest list is like 250! I am only having 50 tops but not everyone will be at the RD. Could you do an app reception with finger foods then later on have an after party out around the town?
Post # 5
I think people will hear about this big party the night before, and realize that for all intents and purposes it was your real “reception” and that they were not “cool” enough to be invited to it…
@phillybride61513: +1! You don’t want to party the night before your wedding.
Post # 6
@cherryblossomlove: Yes, but she’s saying she was going to invite people to the rehearsal who are NOT invited to the wedding…
Post # 7
@phillybride61513: Ohhh ok hah! Guess I didn’t read correctly. Then no, it would not be a wise decision OP
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I would be a bit insulted to be invited to one but not the other. Seems gift grabby even though I don’t think that is your intention at all.
Why don’t you scale back and have an early afternoon or morning wedding with light apps and cake only for the family then do an after party another weekend for your friends? If I were a friend I would probably still be a bit offended that I wasn’t invited to the actual ceremony but if the trade off was to attend a party in your honor with no mention of gifts then I would get over it and most likely attend.
Post # 9
Unfortunately, the bride and groom are the most popular people at a wedding – both at the RD and the wedding reception. It really isn’t a time to “hang out” with your friends, at least not until you’ve greeted every guest.
Your parent’s solution isn’t really proper, since people who are invited to the RD, or any wedding-related event, must be invited to the wedding itself.
Why not do an “after party” the night of the wedding? Do the afternoon reception as planned, with everyone invited, take a break, and then host a more laid back after party – again everyone invited, but structured more for the young crowd.
Post # 10
@futuremrsfitz18: Agree with the after party. Seems like a much better solution.
Post # 11
We had a pretty decent party with OOT family the night before the wedding… and it was a very, very rough start to the wedding day. My recommendation is…don’t do it.
Post # 12
I may have typed it incorrectly; I was in a bit of a rush. Everyone going to the rehearsal dinner would be invited to the wedding, obviously because those people are my closet friends! I just wouldn’t invite everyone that is going to the wedding to my rehearsal dinner, which is normal ( I think).
And we couldn’t do anything the week before because essentially it is a destination wedding for about 80% of our guests…Not even FI and are living in the same state as the wedding.
I just thought it might be more fun to be with all of my friends that live all across the world (many military)…But I do get the point that partying the night before the wedding could be a no-no. But if we did do this I would probably have the rehearsal dinner go from 5-9 or something, so it’s not like we will be up going crazy till 1am.
I just want to have a memorable weekend that wont cost an arm and a leg! 🙂
Post # 13
@futuremrsfitz18: +1 for the after-party idea!
@Miss_Moose: A former colleague of mine had a wedding with a small ceremony and dinner for close friends and family only, and then they hosted an after-party at a more laid-back location, as futuremrsfitz18 described. It worked out well for them — with the crowd naturally tapering out due to the location change and the atmosphere. I was actually only invited to the after party and was just fine with that!
Post # 14
@Miss_Moose: Your skin and body will be so dehydrated that it could very well affect how you look. I wouldn’t recommend this idea. Not only is being hungover for your own wedding a terrible idea, but anyone that finds out about the real reception the night prior will be pissed and offended, I know I would. Just have what you can afford for your reception, with those you have to invite. Save the party for another time.
Post # 15
Anyone not invited will either be parents of my close friends or older relatives who really wouldnt want to come to this kind of party anyway. You all make good points about maybe just having an after party though.
Post # 16
Maybe you could flip the events? Have the wedding and afternoon reception one day and then the party that night or the next night as a farewell party for your friends? Might be easier because then the other people have already seen you at your reception.