Post # 1
i am a colossal bone head. I just got into a fight with my FI about photography….seriously. it was ugly, i pulled out the ‘maybe we shouldn’t even get married then’ i know, so dumb, i regretted it as soon as i said it but i couldnt stop myself. my only saving grace is that i am pms-ing. but even that excuse is lameo. all is forgiven now, and i apologized for my utter lapse into twilight zone land ie not reality.
but still, on a serious note i am worried that i am going to screw things up for us. my parents don’t have a great relationship because they suck at communicating with each other and while i can see that clearly in them, i cant help but feel i am inadvertently going down a similar self destructive path. as ive posted before i am not great on communicating when i am upset – i take a ‘wait it out’ stance – but i feel that this is just making FI exasperated. ugh any advice would be cool, or kind words, or not so kind words….i probably deserve them
Post # 3
I’m sorry you guys got in a fight. At least you know what you need to work on with your communication. My husband and I don’t have the best communication either sometimes.
Post # 4
It is hard when you don’t have a good example in your parents, but I really think the first step is realizing you are following in their steps. That awareness really can help! I’m kind of in the same boat.
Just make a promise to yourself not to use those words in haste again.
Post # 5
Thanks guys! I guess that why they say marriage is a journey right?
yea, i dont think i will be saying that again…ever.
Post # 6
talk it out!!
do you guys have a ‘time out’ method in arguments? a way to say “this is too emotional and I need to stop before I say something I’ll regret, so let’s take a breather and come back when we’re calm in like ten minutes and keep talking”?
Keep talking with him, work through it. Maybe look at this as an opportunity to grow in your communication together.
I hate to even ask, but have you apologized for saying it? That can help a lot.
Post # 7
you bet i did!
he luckily knows i said it in anger and is a very forgiving person. he also knows that it is not natural for me to have these huge discussions while i am upset, so he is understanding that it is hard for me. i prefer the breathing room because i tend to say mean things when i feel vunerable or guilty (exhibit a, see inital post…photography really? geez)
he loves to hash things out as soon as they happen, so we are going to need to find some sort of happy medium along the way.
on a plus side though, i rarely hold on to things, i tend to cool down very quickly and not let them bother me, which i guess is not something he is used to.
Post # 8
sorry about double post feel free to delete this one
Post # 9
Communication is a skill that’s hard to achieve for many. But not impossible – you can find some techniques that work for you and train for them. Recognizing that it’s a problem is the first, and biggest step you’ll ever take. I personally loved the classic “men are from mars, women are for venus” to learn good, healthy communication through conflicts.