Post # 1
My SO and I have been together for a long time and have beent through a lot. We live togther and act like a married couple. So I was surprised when I asked him about marriage/proposing that he wouldnt talk…at all. It scared me, but he explained that he wanted to completely surprise me, that it needed to be perfect, and that I deserved the best of everything because I had been through so much bad in my life.
Fast forward a bit, and he has dropped hints that he will propose when we both fly home for Thanksgiving (hes awful at having secrets but giving them away at the same time. haha). So Im planning our trip back and what we want to do (he will only be there 4 days so we have a lot of visiting to do). He told me it would be really important to him to have one night to just the two of us because “he misses New England” and that we should get dinner.
90% of me is going “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!” but 10% of me says “really? dinner, thats what you got? You put me through waiting hell because you couldnt even give me a timeline because it would ‘ruin the perfectness of a surprise’…and youre just gonna take me to some restaurant?”
I feel like a terrible Girlfriend for my 10%, but he made such a big deal! Do you think I scared him into proposing, so hes just doing it quick and dirty to make me happy?
Post # 3
Getting engaged is the big deal.
How he does it is not.
I don’t think ‘quick and dirty’ is the appropriate term for this considering it’s still 4 months away and you’ve been together for a while. Give the guy some credit.
Post # 4
So…I guess I’m not sure I understand. Why isn’t dinner good enough? It sounds like he wanted to surprise you, but can’t really keep a secret. Did he actually tell you he was going to propose or are you just assuming b/c all signs point to yes? I think a dinner and maybe a walk afterwards sounds really sweet.
My proposal was after we got back from vacation…I hadn’t showered, and we were sitting on his couch. He even forgot to get down on one knee. But it was perfect, b/c it was him asking me to marry him. That’s all I needed…
Post # 5
Are you for real? You don’t even know for sure he’s going to propose anyways so you are jumping the gun on this one. You also don’t know how or where – it may not even be at that dinner. It’s the 4 little words that make the moment special, not how grandiose an event it is.
Post # 6
@awolfpaw: May I point out that just because he says he is planning dinner doesn’t mean that’s all it is. He could be saying that to throw you off. And if it is just dinner, that’s ok – he obviously wants some quality time alone with you in a place that he loves. A proposal AND dinner – sounds fantastic!
I don’t think you pressured him into marriage, as you may think. But he IS under a lot of pressure to make the proposal special. I talked to my bf about engagement and he said he’s freaking out about the actual proposal. Its scary for them, so give the guy a break 🙂
Post # 7
I understand where you’re coming from. He tells you it’s taking a while because he’s trying to make this perfect surprise, and then you find out the “perfect surprise” that took months to come up with was…a dinner.
My guess is you would have been thrilled if you didn’t know it was coming at all and he proposed at dinner, but after wondering “what’s the hold up?” and being told something that was taking a long time was in the works you’re a little let down.
First, the dinner may be a decoy for something else. He just doesn’t want you planning anything for that time, and telling you he has a dinner planned is a way to block out that day.
Second, even if it is dinner, keep it in perspective! He’s asking you to marry him! Maybe he was just working up his nerves for a month, or wanted it to be in a specific place, or who knows, but focus on the fact that this guy wants to marry you, not when or how he does it. 🙂
Post # 8
@Blanche: Getting engaged is the big deal.How he does it is not.
I love this comment! Great outlook. Our proposal was very simple and several people I told the story too were unimpressed, which made me sad inside for a while. Then I realized that I was engaged and we are happy and that was all that mattered! Since then, I have been a fan of the more simple, low-key proposals.
Post # 9
I kinda get what she is talking about. It’s like when you are promissed Macy’s 4th of July fireworks spectaular and you get a handheld sparkler. still pretty. still cool. not the same.
I kinda do want a big proposal…or at least want one or two people i know there. Please someone be there to take a picture. Please let my SO have enough forsight to see that I want a public proposal. But he can’t the way i want anymore. He’s in a band and the lead singer proposed to his gf after a concert on stage (she’s a total cunt, btw) and so He can’t do that for me…or at least i wouldnt want him too. Sucks for me…
Post # 10
I dont want to come off as spoined or unappreciative…Ill love whatever he does no matter how he does it…because I love him. HE was the one that wouldnt say a thing about marriage or weddings or engagement BECAUSE it was important for it to be this big, over the top thing. I think thats why That tiiiiny part of me is grudg-ing. My insides knotted up for months and I cried at weddings in bathrooms (so no one would see…its the brides day!) and bottled it allll up because us discussing it as adults would ruin the perfected planned surprise. It was awful not getting any of the fustration or worry or even excitement out.