Post # 1
ok so im either getting married in a few months or in apx a year or 2 (depending on situations) and i would like to try to figure out how to solve this drama before it gets to be a problem when planning and the actual wedding comes around.
i have 2 best friends (call them B & C). they both know each other and both know they are my best friends, but never were interested in befriending each other much. they respected each other in knowing they shared the same title as my best friend and have never had a problem with each other…..until now.
B had met this guy one night and she said he turned it into a bad situation and she never saw this guy again….but turns out C is now dating him. i told C about B’s situation with this guy and to watch out just in case. C told this guy (now her serious boyfriend) about what B said and this guy now says that B is a liar and she was the one that made the situation bad and not him and made her sound like some kind of tramp. and C believes him!
in all honesty i believe B but have not expressed this to C to avoid conflict. and B is still ok with being in the wedding if C is and this guy are there….but C seems kinda weird about it and said her boyfriend wont be there if B is there. and C tends to bring drama and brings up this whole thing when i talk wedding stuff…she can also be a downer at times. also C holds a grudge a bit cause i backed out of being her MOH at her wedding to her now ex cause i knew it wasent going to last but didnt want to say anything cause she would have never have talked to me again cause she thick like that. and honestly she is unpredictable,pessimistic and doesnt make the best decisions and if i had to cut one it would be her. and B….she is great and excited and happy and lets things roll. but if C starts in on the drama B wont stand down. and i think she would have every right to stand up for herself cause i dont think she would make up the stuff she said. and i can see this being a big problem when planning and when the actually day comes around.
im tired of thinking about what to do…drop one, drop both, keep them and hope for the best? i love them both! i dont have many friends…these 2 have been there for me for over 10 years and pretty much have been the only ones (even though C seems a bit blah she has been good to me). to have just one would cause more drama and issues…to not have either would be sad. and if my wedding is in a few months we plan to have a small shindig @ the court and a local irish place around the corner, so its not like they can ignore each other. im even thinking about buying their dresses so they dont have to go dress shopping together or so one dosent get jealous that i took one and not the other. individually they make great bridesmaids and are great friends to me….but im so worried that having them both is going to make it horrible and a day you would want to forget! i just want a day without drama that everyone can enjoy and remember for the best!
words of wisdom are appreciated! -confused bride to be and good friend 😀
Post # 3
Im between ditching C and keeping both. You can always ask both and then ask C to step down if she causes problems. Or discuss with her beforehand how you would be honored if both B & C would be a part of your big day, but ONLY if C and her boyfriend will treat B respectfully.
Plus, where does C’s boyfriend get off throwing an ultimatium in about YOUR wedding? “I won’t come if she does?” Uhm… okay buddy, see you later!
Post # 4
I think if you can talk to C about her and her boyfriend treating B respectfully-that would be a good thing!
Post # 5
If they really are your best friends, they should be willing to set aside their differences for one of the most important days of your life. I would keep them both on, but have individual talks with each of them.
I’d tell both of them that they’ve been great friends to you and that you want your wedding to be a celebration of both romantic love and of friendship. Say that you want to include love in all its form and that means including the people that are the most important to you – including both of them.
Explain that you know that there are issues, but that you would love nothing more than to include both of them in your wedding party. State that there is a condition, however: no drama. If one is going to be insulting, attack the other, or cause problems, then you will have to ask that person to step down. Give each of them the option to back out right now if they can’t handle that stipulation, stating that you love them the same either way.
Make sure to also say that you are having the exact same talk with each of them so that they don’t feel singled out.
Post # 6
First of all, I am so sorry you are stuck in the middle of all this drama, that is so hard. I am sorry about this guy and whatever he did to B and it is so hard to see a friend you care about with a guy you feel uncomfortable about.
I say keep both, and if the man doesn’t come, that would be great! If both girls are good friends to you, I am sure they will be composed for the big day. If there is too much drama due to C, I would warn her that if she can’t control herself she needs to step down. If drama ensues, you need to demote her because your peace and sanity is crucial, but in a kind way. Be sure to treat them both equally of course as well.
Good luck! (hug)
Post # 7
I would keep them both if I were in your shoes.
C and her boyfriend can make the choice for themselves whether it’s appropriate for him to attend or not.
Post # 8
I would tell them both to grow up. They are adults right? And they are pretty much fighting over a guy?
I would be blunt about it since I can’t stand when people aren’t forthright about things.
Tell them: Both of your are my best friend. I want both of you there. Just because I am best friends with either of you doesn’t mean you have to be friends at all. I don’t want bickering, I don’t want drama over a boy-this day is about MINE & MY HUSBANDS happiness and willingness to share it with the people that I love, not over some middle school boy fright.. B: crappy situation for you, I get it, but it’s over and he’s happy with C. C: Tell him to shut his mouth and smile for the night. Do not say anything to B; if you do, I will pop you in the mouth GOT IT!?
If they still can’t get over their differences that’s their problem. I didn’t vote in the poll but from your post-it sounds like you have already made up your mind. Trust in your heart you’ll do the right thing. Remember, friendship’s don’t always have to last a lifetime, people come in go in your life for a reason.
Post # 9
@Ms Sassy:actually b could care less over this guy. she has a fab BF and just dosent want drama from c as much as i do…she realizes its the past and can move on and is happy c is happy with him. c and this guy on the other hand are whats the problem.
@ddw:i was thinking that too…i figure all are welcome and i want c to have him there for support since its going to be small and not like shes going to be all buddy buddy with b. but i get worried if he does come and starts at it… it will be a terrible time.
@sweetpea1031: thanks… your post makes the most sense and thanks you for understanding how hard this situation is. i agree if he decided not to come it would make things easier but just hate to see c mope around about it! but i agree peace and sanity are important!
@LindseyInLove: you made a lot of good points on why they should behave and i hope they realize it!
@[email protected]:i did get to talk to c a little yesterday…she still seems a bit smug about things and when i told her i was even thinking about getting the dresses for them so they dont have to do anything or go anywhere together she was overjoyed which isnt what i was looking for or expected…b on the other hand i know would put up with it for me. and i was looking for that from c too…so it looks like a long road on asking her to be respectful of b.
@MissTatas: love your point at the end! so true!!!!
Post # 10
in all and all for me though its looking like either drop c or keep both and pray for the best. i wish c had a better attitude about everything and that her bf wasent such a big mouth that dosent know when to stop. she was even concerned that b would be the one to start things…i was really not happy with that remark cause she dosent know b like i do and she should know better then to not trust my judgement. and i know c will bring down the day and mope and complain roll eyes through the day to get attention cause she didnt get her way by making a scene about the situation or how she has to deal with b. and i feel bad for b…shes always been supper great and is super happy for me and my guy. and b will put up with c to make sure im happy that one day! and to make her put up with them just feels wrong…she dosent deserve that! sometimes my mind screams “ALOPE!!!!” when i think of all of this lol. but i couldnt do that. but yeah im coming to realize (even as i think on past things in all of this…like how i forgot how she pretty much almost broke up b’s current relationship by going to b’s ex (who by the way she dosent know from a hole in the wall) and spreading lies about b’s new guy) that c can be a trouble maker especially when it comes to getting b upset….so if it comes down to getting rid of c i gotta figure out how. but the more i talk to c the clearer to me what i should do.
Post # 11
The more and more you post, the more I’m voting for you to keep B and drop C. C sounds ridiculously toxic and childish and not a good friend at all. She should have respect for YOU and not try to meddle with another one of your friends’ relationships. I say drop her…she doesn’t sound like a very good friend at all.