- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I don’t know where this post should be, since it touches on so many subjects, but I figured I’m the one feeling emotional so I guess it will go here.
Are any other bees seriously struggling with their wedding? I have been obsessed with weddings for years now (embarrassing amounts) When I got engaged 2 months ago all my family and friends believed I would be delighted with planning this whole thing.
Except… I’m not. I’m dreading it.
I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I want to marry my fiance. Never in my life have I ever been so sure. In fact, I would prefer to get married in the next 5 months than waiting what seems to be the typical 12-16 months (those of you who are doing this- WOW, you have a lot of patience.)
But I seriously have not enjoyed my engagement for the most part because I can’t stop thinking about how we’re going to do this. I come from a HUGE mexican family and the vast majority of our holidays (thanksgiving, easter, hell- super bowl sunday) comprise of parties of at least 80 people.
The wedding guest count has already been set at 130. At least. And while I’m aware of WIC (wedding industry complex) from my years of reading blogs, I am still aware of my own preconcieved notions of what a wedding should be. I’m terrified that if I don’t have one (even the kind that make me cringe right now – I’m looking at you fluffy dress) that I’ll be heartbroken when it’s all over since “you only get one.”
On the other hand, the manfriend and I are trying to buy a home in the next 7 months. I really really want a home and I can’t believe that out in California the typical wedding is roughly 26k. I just can’t deal with that. But even when I have tried to plan a small wedding (only immediate family and friends- 25 people) with photography and etc it comes out to almost 12k. But I can’t cut that because I’m back to the above paragraph.
Then there is the elopement. And while sometimes it seems like the perfect answer, I know I will miss out on my dad walking me down the aisle and the father daughter dance. And that makes me sad. But how much does it matter actually the day of? A lot, not really all that much?
Basically I can’t make up my darn mind. I have seriously changed my mind 20 times- fromt he 130 wedding, to a 25 person wedding, to elopement.
I just wish it was (in whatever form) going to happen next week. And all I could do was just enjoy myself.
Bees- if you have been here- what did you do? How do you balance your preconceptions of what a wedding is, your budget, the wishes of your loved ones, your own wants and needs and those of your manfriends?