Post # 1
I recently posted on another site and got such rude, hateful, horrible comments I’m literally in tears right now. So if anyone has a snarky response then please don’t bother responding. If you want to give me a hard time please send me a message instead.
Let me explain the situation first. A few months ago my husband and I had a very brief civil ceremony. It only included the JOP and the two of us. There was some drama on his side of the family, others were out of state and a few others were taking care of his cousin who was recently in a terrible car accident. I’m not originally from this area so it was IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to travel 1,000 miles. I guess you could say we got a little impatient and really wanted to get married. I fully understand that the civil ceremony WAS our wedding and I’m not saying in ANY SINGLE WAY that a civil ceremony isn’t. We had made plans (previous to getting married) to have a larger wedding but as I said, we got a little impatient.
We decided to have another ceremony next year. I’ve read a few different things that say it’s perfectly okay to have a “second” wedding and other say that this would simply be a vow renewal so there is no point in a bridal party, nice dress, etc. So as of right now I don’t know if I should call it a “second wedding” or “vow renewal.” The responses I received on the other site said it was a ridiculous idea, I’m incredibly rude for wanting something more than a civil ceremony, I need to give up the idea of a wedding because it’s just a vow renewal, people are just gonna talk about us and things of that nature. We had no intentions of registering or having any bachelor/bachelorette party.
The bottom line is this: We want EVERYONE to be included and EVERYONE to celebrate with us. We are paying for a great portion of this so everyone can come and have a good time. Even though everyone knows we’re married I really don’t see the harm in having bridesmaids, a cake, music and so on. My dad did the same thing when I was younger and nobody had any problems with it (just with his wife lol).
I dunno, I’m so confused. It almost feels like everyone is saying, “If you would have waited then you could have had something more spectacular. But since you didn’t you aren’t allowed to have the dress, cake or anything else that every girl dreams of from early on. You only get this, this and this. If you do it your way you’ll just look like a lying fool and you’ll be nothing but a joke!” I thought this would be better for everyone since they can play a bigger part, it can be more religious, we can write our vows and will have so much more to include in them, my dad can walk me down the aisle (I’m his only daughter and his only child) and it would mean so much to my mom (I’m the “baby” and my older sister died when she was very young).
I hope this makes sense. Thank you everyone 🙂
Post # 3
Stop listening to these people and plan the day of your dreams!
Post # 4
People are so rude. You know your guests and their hearts. Invite the people who love you and support your dreams. Many people have a religious ceremony after the legal one… Sometimes YEARS after. I wanna hug you. 🙁 Don’t listen to those stupid Internet naysayers.
Post # 5
We had a civil ceremony and a religous ceremony a year later. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. I think that there is anything wrong with wanting the traditional wedding, why shouldn’t you have it? You go ahead and plan your wedding and don’t listen to any of the neasayers, they don’t deserve your time or energy.
Welcome to the Hive!
Post # 6
@auggiefrog: I see you’re from Tosa. I’m from Kenosha but I worked in Tosa for a while. Lived in Waukesha, Milwaukee, Elkhorn, the list goes on and on lol. I would really like to plan it the way I want but these people made me feel terrible and selfish. It’s more for everyone else than just us. Sure, I want a pretty dress and all but I want to share the day with everyone, not be a bridezilla.
@jayebaby: I would greatly appreciate a hug! I’m steering clear of that site from now on. I’ll probably delete my account as well. Makes me sick how people act nowadays.
Post # 7
You should absolutely do what you want, and don’t let strangers on the internet make you feel bad!
Here’s an article from offbeatbride that helped me (I’m in a similar situation as you): http://offbeatbride.com/2010/08/on-vow-renewals-and-getting-weddinged
As for other wedding sites, I’ve found that weddingbee is DEFINITELY the nicest one around. All the ladies here are very supportive, and offer genuine, sincere advice.
Post # 8
My guy and I did something similar to this. We got legally married 12/9/10 (we don’t celebrate, he doesn’t even remember the date), and our family doesn’t even really know about it, save for a select few. SO we’re having our “real” wedding APril Fools day this year, and that’s going to be our real anniversary (our dating anniversary too, ’cause it’s just awesome). Don’t stress. If you want a huge wedding, then by all means, have it. You don’t even have to use your civil ceremony as your anniversary. Use the wedding date if you so desire. Screw the other fools who have gotten you down. THey’re not worth your breath.
Post # 9
Thank you so much ladies! It means so much to have some support in this! Our friends and family are more than thrilled with us having a bigger wedding. All of them are well aware that we’re already married too. It just really upsets me because what I posted was in regards to a particular location that we’re planning on having everything at. Then someone asked about my “husband” and it just went downhill from there. I didn’t explain the situation because, frankly, it isn’t any of their business.
Post # 10
@ntyre: Horray! A fellow Wisconsinitte!… Unfortunatally unless you can forgo discussing your plans with these people you may just have to grow harder skin around these people. No matter what these people say you should be able to still have your day. What is a wedding but a gaint party to celebrate your union together anyways? It shouldn’t matter if you have already begun your marriage/ relationship or whatever.
Post # 11
@auggiefrog: I totally agree!
Post # 12
I think it is more than okay, especially if so many people who are so close to you missed out. Frankly, whether you call it a second wedding or a vow renewal, it will be a marriage ceremony. It is up to you to set the tone for how this event will be. If you want big, formal, tens of thousands of dollars event– DO IT!!! If you want jeans and tshirts, why not? I think that this is the best time for you to live your dream.
ETA: I wanted to add that since some people couldn’t travel to be at your legal ceremony, be aware that others might not be able to travel to be at the “big/real/dream” one. Don’t be disappointed, but be happy that your family was able to celebrate with you at one or the other or both!
Post # 13
@takemyhand: Oh yea, I know that some won’t be able to attend. They’ve already let me know but I told them that I would still like to send them an invite anyway.