Biggest FIGHT is about having SIL in bridal party!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
10 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

Honestly, I’d just bite the bullet and have her be a bridesmaid because it seems important to your man just because she is his sister. Hopefully she genuinely meant it when she said that she wants to put forth effort to build a relationship with you. I say suck it up and give her the benefit.

Post # 3
458 posts
Helper bee

That’s a tough situation, because on one hand, she is his sister and she is important to him; but on the other hand, do you really want negativity and rudeness helping to plan your shower and bachelorette party? 

Have an honest talk with your fiance and see if he really thinks that she would put in an effort to be pleasant and helpful, and if he doesn’t, then it’s settled!  If he does, tell him your concerns and see what he thinks.  I do understand where he’s coming from, and that family is family.

Also, don’t be too worried about BM and GM numbers not matching.  My wedding party will have 1 MOH, 4 BMs, 1 Best Man, and 2 GMs; best man and moh are walking together and each gm will have 2 bms. 

Post # 4
532 posts
Busy bee

I agree with mrsknatz:  I know she’s not your favorite person, but choose your battles here. If it’s important to him, just suck it up and have her as a bridesmaid. If she really puts forth an effort- great! If not- it’s only one day, and you’ll be so happy and distracted at your wedding that you can easily ignore her. 

Post # 5
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

elusive23:  What about if she did a reading in your wedding?  There are sooo many women here that are very sorry that they have chosen someone as a BM that they have been close to, never mind one that you aren’t close to -and may never be.  She sounds like she could be difficult.  Perhaps your FI might like the idea of his sister to be given a more “unique” role at your wedding.  Not everyone gets to read a passage, but “anyone” can be a BM.  😉

Post # 6
1032 posts
Bumble bee

can you compromise and have your guy friend on as a groomsman and her as a BM?

Post # 7
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Is it really that hard to let him have a say in his wedding also?  I completely agree with why you don’t want her.  However,  I feel he should have a say too.  

Post # 8
1032 posts
Bumble bee

If your brothers don’t object (guys generally aren’t) have your best guy friend on your side. So you’ll have you moh sister snd your bf. And your FI can have his bestman and sister standing on his side. Walking down the aisle will be even. And youll have who you want and he will have who he wants….

Post # 9
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I really like my SIL and was thrilled to have her be my MOH.  But if you don’t care for yours, I don’t understand why she can’t stand up on his side…there is no law saying she has to stand on your side just because she’s a woman.  I recently attended a wedding where both of the groom’s attendants were female, because his closest friends are women.  

Post # 10
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Can she stand on his side at least? 

Post # 11
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why can’t your FI choose one of the ladies that stand up on the bride’s side? You said you’d thought about having your nephew be a GM. If you can choose a GM, then he can choose a BM.

If it’s important to him, let his sister be in the wedding.

Post # 12
1546 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

If he wants her there, he can have her stand up for him, not you. That way you both get what you want.

Post # 13
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

So you want your nephew as a groomsman but are fighting with your fiancé about letting him have his sister? Just ask the sister to be a bridesmaid. Vague bitchiness isn’t a good enough reason to exclude her if her brother wants her there. 

Post # 14
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If your nephew can be a groomsman, then your SIL can also be a bridesmaid. I completely understand not liking your SIL. However, this is also your fiance’s wedding and it seems like not having his sister as a bridesmaid would hurt him deeply. I don’t think it is worth the potential damage to your relationship. 

Cheating is certainly dishonoring a marriage but you cannot say for sure that your SIL did not fight for her marriage. Only she and her ex husband truly know the whole story, so it is not your place to judge your SIL.  Is a happy marriage a requirement to be a bridesmaid?

I have an aunt who likes to sleep with other women’s husbands. Her last child was with a married man and she carried on an affair with another married man for years; he ended up leaving his long marriage for her. Not wanting to have her at my wedding had nothing to do with her relationship status. It was her very negative attitude towards marriage and wives. She was also very happy when I was having problems with my husband while we were dating and I didn’t want anyone who didn’t wish me well attending our wedding. 

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