- 3 years ago
My partner and I have been together for over four years now and have decided that we are coming into the next stage of our relationship where we are seriously considering marriage. We have had many talks about it and agree that we wanted to get engaged sometime this year with a view to being married next year.
My partner has an incredibly big family with a lot of complex relationships. He has an older brother who got married a few years ago and a younger brother who has been dating his current girlfriend for two months and a few younger sisters.
His older brothers wife suffers from anxiety and depression and is incredibly hostile towards me. We have never gotten along because she believes that I am the reason her life fell apart (which is a completely different story).
I really like his younger brothers girlfriend and we get along quite well. Last night we were all over for dinner at his parents house (my inlaws) with every member of the family present, it was a lovely evening as always and at the end of the night we said our goodbyes and went home. On the trip home my partner and I received a phone call from a mutual friend we share between his younger brother and ourselves, asking if we knew that his younger brother and girlfriend were engaged. We told our friend we didn’t know and called to ask his younger brother if this was true. He confirmed saying that she had proposed to him that afternoon after only dating for two months.
My partner and I were both very upset that our brother hadn’t told us about the engagement in person whcih is silly because there were many oportunities where he could have told us, instead we find out through the grape vine and Facebook.
On another level we are also quite upset because we were hoping on getting engaged this year but feel as though we can’t now simply to keep the peace as this will one day be part of our close family. Younger brother and his now finance have told us that they will have a two year engagement and I feel as though it would be wrong to get engaged anytime during their engagement or the year after their wedding.
I understand that it is a wedding day and not a wedding week or a wedding year but I feel as though I need to be respectful and let them have their time.
I know that my partner and I are going to be together forever with or without marriage but we feel a little sad that we might have to wait potentially up to three years to actually tie the knot officially.
This is my family and I want younger brothers finance to have a wonderful day and not feel like there is any competition.
I’m also a little angry that they haven’t decided to wait a little while before jumping into it, they have been together for two months and are only 19. My partner and I are both 24 and have been together for over four years. I feel like it should be our time next but young brother and finance have “jumped the queue”.
My partner explained the situation to his mum and she said that she thinks we should just wait till after their wedding to get engaged.
I feel so selfish for thinking this but I am a little sad that our chances of getting married are going to be put off for two teenagers that don’t seem to have a clue about what marriage is.
Please help me figure out a way to cope and what I could do!