Post # 1
I have a bridesmaid issue on my hands. The girl who introduced me to my FH is a bridesmaid in my wedding. I went to high school with this girl and cheered with her. She was dating my FH’s brother, which is basically how I met my FH. Now her and my FH’s brother are broken up and all she can do is sulk and talk about how depressed she is because Im getting married wtf? Its not like her break up was shocking or they were totally in love. They were on and off for two years before they broke up. He cheated on her and they would sleep with other people when they were broke up and they fought all the time and she has an alchol issue. She has been wanting it to end for two years and thats basically all she ever talks about. I feel like its my time now and Im sick of her dragging me down. Ive told her that if this is going to be to much emotionally for her then she doesnt have to be a bridesmaid and that I would understand. She said she is bitter but she can do it, but she just keeps complaining. What would you ladies do? I have to do something about this soon. We have to order dresses in the next month. Please Help!
Love and Luck!
Post # 3
Well, I would have a little sit down with her and put my foot down… in the nicest way possible.
I would tell her how I feel badly for her, and extend the compassionate hand. And then I would tell her that all the compassion in the world does not excuse her from having some manners. Even though she’s feeling like she’s missing out on love right now, she needs to put her big girl panties on and be happy for her friend. She should be happy that her introduction of you two is leading to a beautiful marriage.
If she insists that being a bride’s maid is not too much of a stress, then she needs to act like it. Mourning her relationship is something she needs to do, but not 24/7, and not in your wedding. If she wants to talk about her problems like an adult, tell her you’re happy to be there for her, but it’s not something you can do all the time. You need her to be there for you too.
Post # 4
Thanks almsotSLC! I was getting worried no one would post a comment. I now feel like im not being to big of a bridezilla.
Post # 5
If you have already approached the situation with her and she wants to be a BM then you have to let her be one. Have her order the dress and show up to the wedding. Try not to talk wedding with her any more than you need to.
Post # 6
I have a very similar situation on my hands. Although my BM is desparately single and HATES her life because of it. I can’t talk to her without her bursting into tears and every time we talk about the wedding, she turns the subject to her and how she’ll never get to pick a wedding cake because she’s single and miserable.
It was really hard for us for a while, but I learned to make her see that she’s doing it without starting a fight between us. I always listen to her problems and offer advice which she shoots right back in my face “I’ve tried that, it’ll never work I’m doomed”. I finally gave up and said “Look BM, it sounds like the ‘big picture’ of being single is dragging you down and not letting you enjoy any of the dates you’re going on and not have a good time when we go out” I told her that the only thing she can control is how she feels and I can only do so much by listening and offernig advice. It definitely helped things and she’s much better now. She does make an effort to get excited and help me out with wedding things and I still talk to her about her dating escapades and offer advice. But she doesn’t go down the downward spiral anymore.
Maybe you can have a similar convo with your friend? Don’t make it about you and your wedding, but express your concern that she might be doing damage to herself by getting so bummed about the situation and you’re worried b/c she never seems to be having a good time or enjoying life. Good luck!
Post # 7
I agree with Almsot,
Sit her down and talk about it. I KNOW how having BM issues can drag u down! I have had some of my own and its not what you need when you are already haveing to deal with the stress of planning a wedding. Its heartbreaking when someone you care about is not excited or helpful with you and your special day and to have them bringing you down. You obviously understand as a friend why she is upset and are there for her, but like said above, there is a time and a place and your NOT in the wrong for wanting her to be more helpful instead of a “buzz kill”
Like stated above, talk to her, I know you said you already did, and told her you would understand if she was not up to being a BM, just maybe try to stress it some more, tell her how you feel she does have an important role in your wedding seeing that she is part of the reason that you and your FH are gettting married and how greatful you are for that, however, her “standing” up there with YOU on YOUR day is about having people that understand, know and support the MEANING of marriage, people who are there to SUPPORT YOU and the big decision and life changing event that that day MEANS. If she is clouded and too upset to see this, then you dont want your wedding bringing her “down” more. Play it off that you are more concerned for her, then you are about being worried about your day! Maybe a “sympethetic” out for her! Kind of a way to make her realize you understand she is upset so maybe she should not take the honor of the position if she is in a “slump” time in her life. I guess more or less a happy medium of you understanding her issues with addressing how it may affect your wedding, but overall concerned for her.
If she does still not get it, and see your thoughtfulness if you approach it that way, then I guess the only other thing is to be WAY UP FRONT HONEST, and call her out on it!
Post # 8
By the way, best of luck and keep us updated with how this goes!
I totally feel ya doll! I have a VERY VERY simular situation on my hands now that is actually a family member, and its made me miserable! You dont need that!
BEST OF LUCK!!!!
Post # 9
I’m so sorry you’re going through this – she sounds very immature, and a lil bit selfish.
Have you tried sitting her down (sober) like going for a lunch together an havin a real girly heart to heart? I know she’s being a right witch, it’s just a shame to lose a friendship especially one thats been strong forso many years…
I really hope everything sorts itself out – best of luck!
Post # 10
Thanks ladies! I will try and have a sit down with her first and then if that doesnt work im just gonna tell her that I dont think she’s in a good place in her life to stand for me. Your comments really help me out…
Post # 11
Best of luck MissLuckyinLove!
Thats about all you can do! Just try to not let it eat at you no matter how it goes down! Your not in the wrong and your handling it very well from the sounds of it! You go girl!
Post # 12
I agree don’t talk about the wedding more than you have to with her. Do your other BMs support you? if so lean more toward them when you want someones opinion!
Let us know how it goes!