Post # 1
So… I need some advice from the ladies on here. I will be 21 in February and my FI will be 28 in October, we have been together for almost 4 years. Our wedding is in May and this may be TMI but we want to have the most effective BC method out there because we DO NOT want kids and both of us think it is stupid for him to have to keep “pulling out” once we are married, TMI… I warned you! :/ I have been on Yaz since I was 18 and have had no problems but it isn’t 100%. My FI has told me in the past that he doesn’t like to have sex too often because he is still scared I will get pregnant even though I am on BC and he pulls out. I mean we have a decent sex life, I just think it would be better with no pregnancy worries looming! I was thinking of getting the copper IUD and staying on Yaz for double protection but I searched reviews on here for the IUD and I was FREAKING OUT! Is it really worth it? Also I am really against abortion and a nurse friend told me that the sperm and egg connect they just don’t attach with the IUD (I may have screwed that up… but something like that) so she feels like it is kind of like not giving the life a chance but it doesn’t seem THAT bad to me (def. not comparable to abortion), we are wasting his sperm already anyways right? It is just such a hard decision. I don’t want to screw up my body and have crazy side affects and we definately don’t want kids. Whenever I think about getting pregnant I feel sick. I have a nephew who I love but hate being around him more than 2 hours, and so does my FI. We have no patience, want to travel alot and just love our relationship too much to sacrifice any part of it for a kid. He wants a vasectomy… but that is so final. I repeat, I DO NOT want kids but I am 20, what if I change my mind? We are really open to adoption if for some reason we do change our minds… but it seems unlikely that we ever will. We aren’t mean people but we just really don’t like being around kids. I want to make an apt with my Gyno in the next month and I have almost a year till the wedding, should I just try an IUD and see if it is miserable or let him get a vasectomy or any other ideas? If I do get the IUD will I be able to know how I feel about it by May? I just have this great idea in my head that we will start our relationship as husband and wife in the best way possible and be in the best possible places in our lives, with nothing looming like the 1-2% chance of me getting pregnant… :/
Post # 3
If you don’t want kids period, I would suggest that your FI gets a vasectomy. You may have to stay on BC for a while after his operation, but that’s pretty permanent. Another permanent option, but more serious for you is to get your tubes tied. I suggest the vasectomy first, because it’s the easiest operation, and does not require surgery. Getting your tubes tied is a pretty major operation and will require a hospital stay. But before you decide on anything, you should both see your doctor and discuss options with him/her. Good luck with your decision!
Post # 4
Thanks! He is all for a vasectomy. I suffer from severe commitment issues… which is why it took us 3 years to get engaged. lol Committing to anything as permanant as a vasectomy is scary but he is very sure he doesn’t want kids so even if I did change my mind why would I ever want to force him to have unwanted children… I have put ALOT of thought into it though and know I don’t.
Post # 5
I just got a copper IUD a few weeks ago. I have one daughter, and my husband and I don’t want any more children. It really wasn’t that bad for the insertion. It hurt a bit during the actual procedure, but no more than really bad menstrual cramps. I cramped a lot the first day, but felt much better after that. So far so good – I would do it again.
About the abortion aspect of an IUD – I think your nurse friend is wrong. Copper acts as a natural spermicide, and that is one of the primary reasons why copper IUDs work. So I don’t think it is at all like abortion. Paraguard is the name of the copper IUD that is approved in the U.S. – you should take a look at their website and ask your doctor about your options. Vasectomies are very final – and have more risks than an IUD insertion does, with the same “fail” rate as well.
Post # 6
IMO, I wouldnt do the vasectomy because like you said.. what if you change your mind? Your 20. Heck i didnt want kids at 20 either! But had a slip up and got pregnant a couple months after i turned 20 and am happier than ever(My daughter is now 15 months). You never know how your mind might change so I wouldnt do something SOO permanent. I would lok into the IUD or paraguard first. And if that doesnt work out for you for some reason then look into the vasectomy. Good look with your choice!
Post # 7
I think you should look more at the IUD – there’s two kinds: copper/paraguard and hormonal/mirena. There were some bad side effects with a totally different type of IUD that was flawed in design back in the ’70s, but for now the biggest issue is pain putting it in / taking it out. I’ve heard it can be pretty bad cramping, but it only lasts a day or so.
The copper lasts for years (like 10, but apparently can last even longer) and contains no hormones. It can make your periods heavier and the symptoms worse, but if you don’t want to be messing with hormones, it is a great choice. The hormonal IUD will often lessen and even sometimes make your periods stop.
As far as what it does, it prevents implantation. Eggs do often get fertilized and then just not happen to implant, even without an IUD. Although those eggs have been fertilized, they never developed beyond that because the egg can’t connect to the uterus to get nutrition and energy to develop, and is just expelled. I’m not really a specialist, but that’s the idea. It’s up to you whether or not you’re comfortable with that, but it sounds like you are (I know I would be, but it’s not about my comfort level, it’s about yours).
I would not want to get sterilization surgery at 20 (and I say this as someone who, at 28, is 99% sure I want kids and 50% sure I want to get my tubes tied after I turn 30). I know in some friends’ experience, it’s very hard to convince a doctor to do this before age 30.
Post # 8
Nothing is 100% except not doing the deed in the first place.
Post # 9
DUDE! my post went away!
Ugh, ok, I’m about to get even more non fluff and to the point.
- Many BC pills are also Abortifacient. They function by making the lining of your uterus to where a fertilized embryo can’t implant. I don’t know the exact function of Yaz, but most pills prevent pregnancy is some way, many after sperm and egg join.
- The good news, there is away to guarantee 100% success without perm. altering your bodies. It’s called Abstinence 🙂 I know, that doesn’t sound fun. The good news is, there are ways to read your fertility so that you can avoid having sex on day’s leading up to and right after your ovulation.
- The bad news – It requires commitment. That’s all 🙂
- The good news – It’s totally reversible every month. It’s free.
If you want more info on how to read your fertility, check out the book “Taking Charge of your Fertility.” If used (even sans BC) in conjunction with abstinence during the 5 days or so your considered fertile it’s failure rate is 0% 🙂
Best of luck.
Post # 10
@PeytonL79 Thanks! That makes me feel better about the copper being a spermicide, I was all for it before having that conversation with my friend. I guess if I was gonna stay on Yaz too it wouldn’t matter. I just made an appointment with my dr to talk about it and they said she will have to do some tests etc. anyways if I want to get it done. I read that someone could feel it in them? is that true?? and your partner can’t feel it during sex can they? someone told me theirs could with nuvaring which is creepy and I wouldn’t like that, which is why I didn’t even think of that option.
Post # 11
I hope I don’t sound harsh…..
NOTHING is 100% unless you don’t have sex. That’s the chance you take with having sex. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have sex, but the possibility of having children is what you take on if you decide to have sex.
The only other thing that would be 100% is if one of you decides to disable your reproductive organs, which I wouldn’t suggest to do at your young age.
I would simply stay on Yazmin which should keep you covered but do realize you still have the 1 – 2% chance of pregnancy.
Post # 12
I had mirena (the hormonal IUD) and loved it. Insertion hurts some but was worth it in my opinion. Studies show that the IUDs are as effective as sterlization.
Post # 13
Most doctors will be unwilling to give you an IUD when you are so young and have not yet had any children.
If you and your FI are completely certain you don’t want kids I think you are being really responsible by wanting to take every measure you can to prevent pregnancy. I don’t think you sound mean at all, people who don’t really want children shouldn’t have them. At 28 I do think it’s probably unlikely that your fiance will change his mind on the subject so I would say he should go ahead and get the vasectomy. It’s the most reliable option other than abstinence which I really don’t consider to be a viable option in a healthy marriage. If you do for some reason both change your mind it is a reversible procedure for the most part, and you are open to adoption as an option as well.
Post # 14
@Entangled – thanks for the more detailed info. I am not even considering getting my tubes tied, my FI just keeps bringing up the vasectomy thing. I think I’d go with the copper IUD if I do it, no periods as nice as it would be seems really unnatural to me. With those things, I always worry we are going to find out 10 years from now that it is really really bad for us or something.
@KLP2010 I am really interested in learning more about my fertility but have no problems with chemicals or foreign objects in my body if it means I can worry less about something that scares me more than dying. lol A little over dramatic, but seriously, my FI and I would probably both have a meltdown if we had an accidental pregnancy. I will definately have to look up that book and add that to my not getting pregnant plan! 🙂
@Moose1209 I am going to talk to my dr about what she thinks of him getting a vasectomy also. I have heard it can be reversible and it may be a good option. I really like how my birth control affects my body so I would like to stay on that regardless.
Post # 15
I would check with your doctor. Mine didn’t give me an IUD because I have never had a baby before. The thing that worries me is that those aren’t 100% either. Will you be nervous using that as well? As for the changing your mind, it’s really possible. I didn’t want babies at all before but now that I’m getting older, I’m feeling the urges to have one.
Post # 16
Here’s a really good resource to check out. It looks at the risks/benefits of each method and can help you choose one based on your needs.
I have the Mirena (hormonal IUD) and I love it. The insertion was a bit crampy, but not even as bad as my period cramps used to be. I’ve never been pregnant or had a child. The Mirena IUD was actually discussed at the North American Society for Pediatric and Adolescent Gynecology last April as a really good option for teenagers who are at risk of getting pregnant (since it is as effective as a tubal ligation or vasectomy).
The hormones are just local (in the uterus, rather than flowing through your body in your bloodstream), so there aren’t really the same side effects that people have with the pill. As for not having periods, this IUD works by thinning the lining of the uterus (called the endometrium). A lot of women worry about all that blood and tissue backing up “in there”, but there isn’t anything to back up because it’s not building up each month. It’s actually protective against buildup of the endometrium that can lead to endometrial cancer!
The best part about it for me is that it lasts 5 years, and is 99.9% effective (same as a vasectomy). I don’t have to think about taking a pill or anything every day, and it’s completely reversible when/if I want to have children.