Post # 1
Just had an interesting discussion and could use some other opinions.
My Fiance is an only child and is so used to not having to share that this whole cohabitational relationship is a bit of a challenge for him. Issues range from typical hogging the remote control/switching channels when we’re in the middle of a show at his discretion, to bringing home dinner for just him! My first serious Boyfriend or Best Friend was an only child and also had some self serving issues, but I didn’t find that with other BF’s in my past who were part of a sibling network.
Any thoughts out there? In your dating history, do you notice a difference in the mannerisms of guys who are from multiple sibling families and those who are an “only child”? And is the reverse true for us females?
Post # 3
I have noticed a difference between the babies and the first borns, or even middle children. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever dated an only child, so thats weird. For example, both my husband and I are second born, but he’s the baby, whereas I am one of four. When we were dating, I did notice that he expected a lot of preferential treatment, but he isn’t bad about it, just different than me. 🙂
Post # 4
Fi is an only child and that sounds so much like him! The worst was when he was a bit younger and first met my sister (who was 9 at the time) they didnt get along so it took a ton of adjusting for him. Thankfully he’s a 100 times better now but there is still a little more work to do LOL He’ll get use to it, just make sure you hold your ground and make him realise how you feel 🙂
Post # 5
@Firefighter_Bride: I needed to hear that! Thank you! If it got better, it means there’s hope. Poor guy really looks shocked that I expect some of the things that I do, being aware that I am asleep when he wakes up before I do, and not slamming closet doors.
Sighhhhh…thanks for the optimism!
Post # 6
My Fiance is the oldest, and he was close with his younger brother but not his younger sister. In their family, it was tolerated if he picked on her or ignored her. I’m the middle child, and while I certainly fought with my sibs, my parents didn’t tolerate grudges or meanness, so we are all pretty close. It’s been an occasional adjustment with him, since he is used to doing what he wants and not having to compromise or worry if he upsets someone, whereas I’m always trying to keep the peace and skip to the end of the fight where we’re all happy again. But he’s gotten a lot better, not just with me but also his sister, since we’ve started dating.
Post # 7
Have you ever read The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman? It has some really good stuff about birth order! I highly recommend it!
Post # 8
I’m an only child… whatever you do, do NOT look over his shoulder as he’s reading/watching TV/on the computer. If anything at all seems like it could possibly be construed as an invasion of privacy, I will flip OUT. With only’s, privacy and alone time are key to being healthy, happy, and sane.
Adlerian theory will say that there are some matches that are more in tune with each other than others:
- Only + Oldest
- Oldest + Youngest
- Middle + Middle
The most volatile would be Youngest + Youngest and Only + Youngest… yiiiikes! The lamest would be Only + Only because they’d just be 2 people who happen to live together, hahahah.
Post # 9
Oh lord, my Fiance is an only child and I had to literally teach him how to share. Now he’s a pro at it, but for a long time, it was like taking steak from a rottweiler.
What makes me laugh now is that he’s overly concerned about “fairness.” Like, “Uh, honey, why didn’t you just wash all the dishes in the sink?” “There were 8 in there, so I did 4” and keeping tabs on who had to do xyz last time.
Whether this is truly an only-child thing, I don’t know, but I like thinking it is. I grew up with two siblings and you quickly learn that fairness is a bit of a fallacy!
Post # 10
I’m an only and FI’s the youngest (he has 1 brother who’s 2 years older). The only problem that we have had as far as me being an only child is the whole sibling thing. I don’t understand siblings. He and his brother have this bond and I just don’t get it.
I’m used to all attention being on me (being the only grandchild for the first half of my life didn’t help this complex) but having to share time with FI’s brother and his wife is new to me (and may I add, quite annoying, lol).
Post # 11
Interesting post. I don’t really have an answer, but here’s my experience:
FH is the oldest child and has a sister about three years younger. He is very caring, responsible, considerate, adaptable, etc. I dated a guy before FH who was also the oldest child and had a sister about three years younger. He was very selfish and self-serving. I’m not sure what his relationship was like with his sister growing up, or the types of things his parents tolerated, but the way he treated others sometimes was like he thought he was the only person on the planet.
My brother is 11 years younger, so I am sort of an only child. Admittedly, I can be pretty bossy, but I think this might come from the age difference and being a live-in babysitter of sorts. I do tend to be a little selfish too. I’m working on it, but I realized a few years ago that it doesn’t really occur to me to do nice things for other people. For example, if I stop at store, I usually don’t even think to get something for other people at the house or to call and ask if they want anything. I also find that I like to be alone a lot more than other people, and become more irritated if I feel like FH is disturbing/interrupting me.
Post # 12
@JennyW1: I’m an only child and I know all about “fairness”. I also had to be taught to share and to be honest, I don’t like it nor am I any good at it.
Post # 13
We are both only children, but neither of us seem to have a problem sharing.
My ex, who I dated for 5 years, had 5 siblings, and it was hard for me to understand his sibling relationships.
Post # 14
This is always so interesting to me. 🙂 My old Sociology professor called a pseudo-science (basically crap) but I still think birth order effects your relationships with those around you.
Fiance and I are both the oldest; hello, we’re future over-protective parents. We’re both super-protective of our younger siblings. I have three, he has one.
What’s interesting is that fact (non pseudo-science) says that oldest borns tend to want children at a younger age than their siblings. I find this to be true. I got “baby fever” pretty young. Of course, it’s obviously not true for everyone. Nothing is. But it is for us in comparison.
Post # 15
So interesting! Thanks for your insights Bees!
Post # 16
@keepsmiling19: I’ll add it to my reading list for next month! Thanks