Post # 1
I recently found out from my mother that my wedding is on the birthday of the girlfriend of a friend of my fathers. I only reason I invited this couple is because my mom insisted on it and would not back down. She is now insisting that we have a full out birthday celebration ie: separate cake candles singing etc during my wedding reception. May fiancé and I have told her absolutely not, but doesn’t see why this is not appropriate. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Post # 3
@FrazzledInNY: Yeah. Don’t do it. I’d absolutely put my foot down and make it clear.
Post # 4
Short answer: Don’t buy the stuff.
Long answer: Say no every single time she insists. Repeat that this is your wedding, your one day. If this woman wants to do something for her birthday, she can do it before or after your wedding or they can choose not to attend. Don’t back down.
Post # 5
um no, just no. you don’t even know the chick! it’s an adult’s bday pretty sure she can deal with it if there’s no bday cake.
Post # 6
@FrazzledInNY: Absolutely not. She’s far enough removed from you that if her birthday was such a big deal she could decline to attend. I might consider this for a child or an immediate family member celebrating a milestone birthday (ex. my Grandma turned 75 a couple days before my wedding. If it had been the SAME day, I might have considered something like this, but as it stands we had her own party the weekend prior), but for some “random”… NOPE.
ETA: If i was this lady, I would be MORTIFIED if someone I barely knew called that much attention to my birthday at her wedding.
Post # 7
@FrazzledInNY: that’s ridiculous that someone would even think of that. I’m pretty sure the birthday chick herself would find the whole situation embarrassing. I would feel like a complete asshole if someone broke out a bday cake for me at someone else’s wedding.
Post # 8
We did this at our wedding and in addition celebrated my dad and stepmom’s 25th wedding anniversary–we actually had four cakes (wedding cake, groom’s cake, birthday cake and anniversary cake).
The weekend of our wedding was their 25th anniversary, my daughter’s 24th bday, a good friend’s 45th, and my stepmom’s 50th birthday so we celebrated all of them. To me, it made our wedding even more celebratory and happy to include them in our day. We did our cake (our band played “Pour Some Sugar on Me”) then they brought out the other 2 cakes. Our wedding band sang happy birthday when they brought the cake out, and then after the anniversary cake went into their wedding song. It was a sweet, priceless moment to see my dad and stepmom so happy.
I don’t feel at all that it took away from our day to share the spotlight a little but if you guys are dead set against it (which I DON’T blame you at all–they aren’t a close family member or friend like in our case–I mean it was my parents, my daughter and a good friend) then I would just be up front and tell them that you are trying to keep the focus on your day to keep it simple. Maybe you could arrange to have a little cupcake and candle brought out to her and the DJ to do a quick acknowledgement, if she throws a fit over it? It’s YOUR day–don’t let them pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do!
Post # 9
H3ll no! If it was a very close relative (e.g. your mother or grandmother) then a quick happy birthday would be appropriate. But the +1 of a less close guest? No.
I never understand why adults can’t cope with celebrating their birthday on another day.
Post # 10
@mstellah: I’m pretty sure my family didn’t feel like assholes at my wedding by the way.
Post # 12
I think everyone is in agreement, except for the woman above me…who included festivities for immediate family.
As someone else mentioned…I would NOT be okay if someone wheeled out a birthday cake for me at someone else’s party.
Post # 13
@SapphireSun: I completely agree!!
Im sorry your mother has gone temporarily insane 🙂
Post # 14
@JaneyDcat: I was just explaining what we did at our wedding, but I am in total agreement with OP if they don’t want to do that, like I said mine was for immediate family members and one very close friend. I would never tell OP they are in the wrong, it’s is their wedding, their day to do as they see fit.
Post # 15
@sehrler: well, no crap – I was speaking to the OP’s situation not yours. Obviously your scenario involving your immediate family/close family friend was COMPLETELY different. I would celebrate a brother/mother/father’s bday during our wedding (or vice versa) happily.
Post # 16
I’m glad that it’s not just myself that feels this way. To my knowledge the girlfriend has no idea this is even being discussed. I would be absolutely mortified if I were in her shoes and found out what is going on.