Birthday surprise!! (and engagement?) need advice!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What should I do?
    Just shut up and wait, sounds like he has something planned : (9 votes)
    43 %
    Keep saying that you want to celebrate until he gives you some sort of answer : (6 votes)
    29 %
    Go ahead and make your own plan : (6 votes)
    29 %
    Other (please explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Tell him what you want to do for your birthday. Ask him if he had any ideas. I mean this strictly in the birthday celebration sense. Convince yourself that he is not proposing.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I said make your own plan.  Why?  Personal experience lol!

    Two years ago I didn’t make a single plan on my bday.  I made plans to meet up with my girlfriends the day after my bday to see what my SO had planned.  We were def going through a difficult time in our relationship and……nothing.  I was very disappointed and honestly thought about ending the relationship….then the next day he got hit by a car while on his bicycle and everything changed.

    Then, this past year I turned 30 and was finishing up my undergraduate classes and I had one class that went until 8p, so I wouldn’t get home until 830.  I didn’t make any plans, and was left so disappointed because I thought that maybe he’d plan something (like a proposal!).

    It didn’t happen and really fueled my waiting depression/anxiety.  I share this with you because looking back (even more so because of the place I’m in now mentally and in life)…I see how much of this was my fault.  I set myself up for a let down both birthdays by depending on him.

    On the one hand, it’s hopeful that he has something planned.  On the other hand….if he doesn’t, how upset will you be?  

    Happy birthday, bee!!  And I’m pulling for you, fingers crossed that you ARE getting engaged because what a bday gift that would be!  

    Post # 6
    Member
    11379 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    i would just wait to see what he has planned for you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @geekychinchilla:  I’m in the same boat as you! My birthday is at the end of this month and my SO won’t even tell what DAY he’s planning on doing something! What a pain in my behind! Lol. So I’ve referred all friends and family that ask what I’m doing for my birthday to him, so he has to deal with it.

    I voted to keep saying something about wanting to celebrate because he’s mentioned that he forgot…I know that if my SO doesn’t end up doing anything and I’ve built up this excitement for no reason I will be super pissed!! Lol

    Post # 8
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @geekychinchilla:  You could do like my first option-plan something for the day after Smile Or the weekend after…this way you won’t interfere with his possible plans!

    I should update—Mr Vb came over to my apt on my bday, and was dressed very nice and already to take me out and do whatever I wanted to do.  I’m not one to really ‘ask’ for things, and once I realized he had nothing planned…I was a little bummed.  But, at the end of the day, what is important to me is the TIME we would be together on my bday..so we ordered a pizza and cuddled on the couch and watched movies.  Not a bad bday at all!

    I just put it out there that I was expecting a surprise and well…I was disappointed when nothing happened.  Try not to be like me lol!

    Post # 9
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee

    @geekychinchilla:  I think you should plan something with your friends for the day(or weekend) after your birthday and tell him you want to spend your actual birthday with just him, whether that is quiet night in or if he wants to take you out. Let him know that you are ok either way but it’s up to him to plan it. That way he can propose if he was going to and you have a chance to celebrate your birthday & hopefully your engagement with your friends after.

    I say this because I have a similar situation coming up for my bday in a month. I know he’s planning to take me out for my bday to a place that is pretty meaningful to us. I have strong suspicions he’s planning to propose then. Although he did have me shopping for my birthday present this weekend so who knows. I have a get together with friends planned for the day after to celebrate. Whether he ends up proposing or not I will still have a fun birthday celebration with friends and a romantic dinner with my SO. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I agree with PPs–I’d make weekend plans with friends, but leave your actual birthday free!

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