Bit of a rant about plus 1's but would love some input

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Remembering back to being 17, I get where FSIL is coming from, but I  think you need to be firm, as do your FIL’s.  They can’t FORCE her to go, but perhaps they should explain that as Jesse isn’t really part of the family yet (doesn’t come to functions, doesn’t know the family) this isn’t an appropriate event for him to be at.

Post # 4
7280 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Pokemon:  Can you talk to your FSIL? Explain how important it is your FI to have her there but that you have spent your whole budget and just can’t afford another person.

Do you guys buy her birthday/xmas presents? If she is still being a brat tell her he can come but that is her presents for the next however many years. I am pretty sure she will back down on that one. 

Post # 5
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Pokemon:  My sister is 20, has been with her BF for the last 5 years, and he didn’t get an invite to our family and ultra-close friends only wedding.

She was fine with it. Never even asked if he could come!

FSIL’s being super immature about this. That being said, I would wait until the week before the wedding, and if she doesn’t agree to come, I would give in.

Post # 6
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Pokemon:  She’s making a big deal out of it because she’s 17. Dont budge on your decision.

Post # 8
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think he shouldn’t have used that reasoning. If the person is a child (Under 18), they don’t get a plus one in a relationship or not. 

I would try to reason with her that angle — if she pushes, maybe just give in since it’s family? Not sure if that’s the proper thing to do, but probably the easiest and what I would do.

Post # 12
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

Is she being resentful due to not being included in your bridal party? Maybe she would change her mind if she was a groom’s girl.

Post # 14
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Plus ones. Ugh. I had people give plus twos! Not married and no kids. It was insane! Then had the audacity to not even show. I paid for you and your plus whatever and u don’t show! R u serious??

Post # 15
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

That is very disrespectful of your FSIL. It is not easy to reason with a teenager. She did not even offer her congratulatory wishes?

I dunno… it would be awkward if I was the guy getting invited to a wedding and meet the parents and the girl’s family all at once at your wedding. I’d be thinking… ‘CRAP. Is this girl hinting at me to get married? I should break up with her.’

If I was in your shoes, I would get your FI to tell her directly that her bratty attitude is hurtful. And if she’s thinking she could speed up getting serious with her current boyfriend by bringing him to a wedding, she can dream on.

ETA: A wedding > a birthday party. The balls people have. My cousin who lives in Perth just got married in Asia in December. One of her DH’s cousins was adamant on having a birthday party at her WEDDING.

Post # 16
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Pokemon:  I agree with PP that you should hold your ground. even though she will be almost an adult by the day of your wedding, I seriously doubt her parents would let her miss her brother’s wedding. She’ll be there. And someday she will realize she was being a big brat.

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