Biting One's Tongue or the Silent Treatment?

posted 3 years ago in Home
  • poll: Is keeping your mouth shut and the silent treatment the same thing?
    Yes : (4 votes)
    12 %
    No : (23 votes)
    68 %
    I could go for some ice cream right now! : (7 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    They are two totally different things, in my opinion! But, to a man who has only good intentions and doesn’t know if/why you are upset..I can see the confusion. 

    Good for you for keeping your mouth shut until you can be calm and rational. I try really hard to do the same thing. 

    I’m sorry he keeps killing your plants, though 🙁 

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee

    My SO does that to me and I hate it!  He says he doesn’t want to upset me, but not being spoken to IS upsetting.  

    Its one thing to cool down and go for a walk or some alone time, its another to stop talking for several hours.  🙁

    Post # 5
    Member
    673 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @trueblue14:  I don’t think so but my DH does. I find myself in the same situation at times. Is there a way you can mark or fence your garden areas?

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t understand not telling him that you’re upset.  He destroyed your plants…and that’s pretty stupid, seeing as it’s pretty obvious what a weed is versus not a weed.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    3874 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @trueblue14:  Sorry about your plants – I would be so upset. I think, to him, it may feel like the same thing, but sometimes restraing yourself until you can speak rationally is very smart – and he should recognize the difference, seeing as you spoke to him enough to explain it.

    Once this is over, sometime when you’re not angry, maybe sit down and explain why you sometimes go quiet when you’re upset. It should help him understand that it’s not   the childish act of silent treatment, but truly thinking before you speak.  Also, maybe spend some time going through the garden together soon, before he needs to weedwhack again.

    Post # 8
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Time for some plant markers. Or go weed wack his car/videogame console/or whatever else he likes

    The former is probably more mature. Sounds like he doesn’t care enough to pay attention.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @trueblue14:  And you’re not going to talk to him about it??

    Post # 11
    Member
    845 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @trueblue14:  I think that when you are angry with someone and refuse to speak to them about ANYTHING, that is the silent treatment. When you are angry and are refusing to speak about the topic that angered you until your are feeling calmer and have your thoughts sorted out, you are holding your tongue. I actually think the later strategy is a fairly good strategy for handling conflict, whereas the silent treatment is letting anger build too far. I also think the silent treatment can be especiailly ineffective when you just sit and stew, particularly in the physical presence of the person you are upset with – like a little kid stomping around the house. I think it’s more effective to busy yourself with something else when holding your tongue, like going on a errand. 

    And uh, I think it’s pretty rude that your husband complained to his mother about your reaction to his mistake. If he’s going to be that way, complaining to mommy, I think he needs to lose his weed-whacking priviledges for a few weeks and go to the garden store with you to replace your ruined plants.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @trueblue14:  I think ignoring someone to prove a point is the silent treatment. I thinking biting your tongue is making yourself not say something rude when you want to. Either way, it is all semantics. Regardless of what you call it, you need to discuss issues in a calm, rational manner and if it takes you awhile to feel calm and rational then so be it. You don’t have to totally ignore him though – you can talk about other things until you feel ready to discuss what is bothering you.

    Also, my biggest concern is that he ran to his mom. Really? Unless someone is in your relationship, they really have no business knowing all the details. I would say it is time to cut the apron strings and separate “wife” and “mom” into distinct realms. I don’t want to offend you but he does sound a bit like a mama’s boy in this one situation.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1574 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    When I want space and am biting my tongue, I will often tell the person that. Recently I told my partner that I was not ignoring him, was going to walk the dogs, and would hopefully talk when I got back. He knows that I have a temper, so if I say I can’t talk it’s b/c if I do, I’m afraid I’ll explode and go way over teh top.

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