Post # 1
A couple of months ago, I had some trouble with a friend. Without going into, well, ANY detail there was a lot of hurt caused on both sides, although arguably I was probably marginally more in the wrong. I tried to apologize immediately after the fall out happened, but they were upset and refused to accept my apology. Today, a second, mutual friend asked me to try once more to make amends.
On one hand, I feel like I already made my attempt at making amends, and its their turn. I feel like we were drifting apart before this happened and this situation just expedited something that would have (or will) happen anyway. I’m really happy with my life as it is, and really, really don’t want to rehash old drama, but part of me knows I should be the bigger (wo)man and try again to apologize.
Post # 3
I would try once more, if you feel the friendship is worth it, and you really care about that person. If she doesn’t accept write her off. Someone who continues to cling to the drama is not worth your time.
Post # 4
@MissHobbit: I think I would try one more time. Then you can’t say you didn’t give it a shot, repeatedly. If she still doesn’t accept your apology, and you’ve made the honest effort, then it’s on her.
Post # 5
@MissHoneyBun: The thing is, I think they’re a nice person-really I do, though a bit overly sensative and overly dramatic. More drama than would usually be cause for consequence from what is, at the end of the day, a periphereal friend.
BUT I do think there’s some value in doing the right thing because it’s the right thing. and I do think this person can be a good friend and most of all it would be a lot easier and a lot less awkward on our mutual friends.
Post # 6
I woke up with dread over this.
Post # 7
i would definitely try one more time. it can be hard to accept an apology immediately after the fact – maybe she just needed time to process. if things don’t get better this time, cut your losses.
Post # 8
@MissHobbit: I’m oversensitive as well, seriously, EVERYTHING gets to me. Look at me wrong and I will assume that you are mad at me and I then must give you the cold shoulder until YOU apologize. Really, it’s a little crazy, I need to grow up.
ANYWAY – I feel like you should reach out once more. If your former friend isn’t interested, then the ball should be in her court. I think the best thing is that you know there was fault on both sides, maybe if you point this out to her she will be a little more open to hearing what you have to say?
Post # 9
That really sucks, but I’d try one more time, just for the sake of your mutual friends (who are probably super tired of her drama and just want it to go away).
I hear you on not wanting to rehash old drama, and my suggestion is not to! Apologize, but if she starts going on about what happened/didn’t happen, just nicely cut her off and say something about wanting a fresh start. I’ve done this a couple of times with overly dramatic family members, and once it worked perfectly! (gotta warn you though: once it ratcheted up the drama a notch, so it is a bit risky depending on her personality)
Post # 10
Give it a second chance with a second apology. After that, be done with it. The ball is in her court. Overall you will feel better about having done it.
Post # 11
I would ask the mutual friend why she thinks it will be different than the previous time when you tried. Then depending on her answer, evaluate whether you want to try again. If you already tried I’d say the ball is already in their court, but certainly it is nice to be bigger. But, perhaps it’s not worth your time and energy if you’ll be rejected again. Maybe the mutual friend has also asked the other person to try, you never know, or knows the other friend has cooled off.
But why would the mutual friend feel caught up in this? When I’ve had mutual friends caught in the middle, I do everything I can to avoid involving them. Off the top of my head, I can think of a situation with mutual friends of my ex where the relationship ended very badly. I never mentioned him to them, never asked about him, although regretably I was aware they would likely pass on anything I said about what was happening with me. The only issue was events those friends hosted…and they just told us when the other was coming and let us make our own decisions. We were polite but interacted as little as possible. Regardless of whether you make the effort with the former friend, you need to stop involving the current friend in this problem.