Bitten by jealousy

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First off you aren’t a terrible person. You just want to offically start your life with your FI, so of course you are going to be jealous of the other people getting engeged around you. Esp since these girls are younger! 

Have you and your FI sat down and plotted out a timeline? I think communication and honesty about everything would be very beneficial to you, and I’m sure once you have a general idea of when it’s going to happen I think much of your jealouay will disappear. 

As far as the lavish wedding goes, are you more jealous that she’s getting HER dream wedding? And that she is getting married FIRST? Or is it really that she is having a lavish affair? Only you can really answer that question. 

 

Also remind yourself that you CHOSE to get the house before the wedding. The new roof is YOUR priority. getting married and putting money tends their weddings is their priority right now. Yes it would be great if we could all have everything we wanted at once but that’s just not life. So take a deep breath, focus on your house, talk to ur FI and realize that it’s all going to come together eventually. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  BWLE.
Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ciel:  First, you are acknowledging your feelings, and admit to them, which is wonderful!!  

Second, it is NOT a competition, and you will one day get to feel all the same things those around you are feeling!

Finally, I have been to MANY weddings.  I could not tell you if they spent $100,000 or $1,000.  What has defined each and every wedding I have attended is the love, and the happiness the couple exuded, and then the love and support of those guests surrounding them, whether it was 10 guests or 500.  There is no ‘wrong’ way to throw a wedding celebration.  The right way is the way the couple wants their celebration to be!

Hang in there :):)

Post # 4
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t blame you for being envious, you’re in a situation that encourages it, and you’re certainly not a terrible person!!

But you are a grown woman who has made certain decisions, and you have to live with those choices. You chose to date a man who wasn’t “loaded”, you chose to wait for marriage to have children, you chose to postpone marriage, you chose to buy a house that needs renovations, and you chose to have a wedding (as opposed to going to a court house one afternoon). At any time those decisions aren’t making you happy anymore, you absolutely have the right to change your mind.  

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s natural. That said, I would try to reduce the comparisons and timing/race concerns. A wedding is only a day. So long as weddings are on different days, it won’t affect the other people in your lives weddings. Also, people can be pregnant at the same time. Don’t worry so much about planning your life and milestones based on others. I think if you could reduce that, it would have a positive impact on the jealousy feelings.

Remind yourself…it’s only a day. It’s not even that important to you. What is important is that you are marrying the man you love. We’ve all had moments, even us less into-weddings bees like myself, where things become more important to us than we think but that’s when you put it into perspective. It’s one day. As long as you get married, that’s what matters. The rest are details that it’s not worth getting so upset about. 

Post # 10
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ciel:  don’t change your plans just because she got engaged. my little cousin got engaged out of no where a month after me so we had to have the when is your date talk, but I knew both weddings would be so different it didn’t matter if they were semi close together. Then FI’a BFF got engaged right after us! It will never end, you can’t expect to have all of the attention soley on your wedding. Plus remember half of your wedding guests if not more won’t be at attendance at his sisters wedding, mostly just his family. 

Have the wedding YOU want and she will have the wedding SHE wants and both will be perfect because they will reflect who each of you are as a person and couple. I can aford a giant vogue esq wedding as you put it, but guess what I’m not doing? Simply because that’s not my style. what ppl take away from weddings isint how  over the too it was, they want to just have fun and see the bride and grooms personalities shine through. 

So continue on your timeline and enjoy every minute of your plan and your life, just as his sister will with hers. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  BWLE.
Post # 11
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ciel

I just want to tell you that you are not a terrible person and it’s completely normal to feel this way. Somehow, when it comes to wedding, we becomes another person. 

 

I generally not a competitive person, I’m happy for others and content with what I have.  Once I’m engaged, all of the sudden I’m super sensitive to others’ comments and can’t help but compare secretly inside.  

 

My FI is extremely low key (I am generally too but this is once in a life time!!!), it upset me a lot that we were 5 months before our wedding and he didn’t tell anyone (beside people that are close to us) about our engagement… there I am sitting in his BFF birthday party and they annouced that they are officially engaged…everyone cheer for them and congrat them… and FI said, oh I dn’t want to steal their storm……. so I sat quietly enjoy my dinner, then people slowly come apologize to me and said they didn’t know…. yeah, that moment I feel terrible 

Post # 12
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ciel:  Why would you combine finances with a man you’re not married too?  Why would you prioritize real estate over marriage?  Both seem reckless and foolhardy to me.  It’s definitely putting the cart before the horse.  

No one will compare your wedding to anyone else’s but you.  

Post # 13
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just get engaged. Get married. It doesn’t have to be a big fuss. It doesn’t have to be expensive and you don’t have to “wait your turn”. 

Post # 14
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Don’t wait your turn! I have a huge family, and if I postphoned my life to theres, I would be in tons of trouble, and might as well just live in a bubble because it would never be “my turn.” There are tons of things that you don’t wait for. I’m not saying have your wedding a month of your BF’s sister, but I’m saying she doesn’t get a year. She gets A DAY. Maybe a month to be nice to family who will want to travel. If you want to get engaged, get engaged. Don’t delay it for some one else, because you don’t know what could happen. What if 6 months from now, while waiting for your turn, someone gets sick? Any other sibblings, friends or cousins you would feel the need to wait for if they would announce their engagment? None of them are waiting in line behind you to move on with their lives. Why are you waiting behind them.

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