- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Ok, this is a little long…
My friend A, who is a year older than me, have been friends since high school. We ended up at the same college as well. She had been dating her now husband for 6 years when my fiance and I got engaged. As I began the planning process (2 long years ago) she was very bitter and dismissed every idea I had as either a waste of money or not necessary or silly. She said to my face that she “should be getting married first” since she is older. At the time, she couldn’t get her boyfriend to talk seriously about the future and she kept saying this year will be it, and then it wouldn’t happen. I understood the position she was in, and though I was hurt by the comments, I brushed them off and just stopped talking wedding with her. Easy enough, right?
I moved back to our hometown, while she was still in college town, and that seemed to help as well. Cut to this year – she gets engaged in January, and we are all very excited for her. She decides to get married this summer in July – one month before my wedding. Although frustrating, I know I am not the center of the universe, and so we talk about wedding stuff and her planning process (her ILs paid for most of it, it was in her FI’s hometown, and her MIL planned most of it – my friend doesn’t stand up to others well). I can tell she’s not happy about some of it – she did agree most of it, but because her ILs are footing the bill, she doesn’t feel comfortable voicing her opinions. I try to get her to stand up for herself for a bit, but eventually give up because she seemed better about everything. I make time for all of her wedding events (among all of mine); she says she might be able to come to mine, then stops in for a short while before rushing off. I’m a little annoyed at this point, but she isn’t my closest friend so I’m not too bummed. The week before her wedding I’m having my own wedding panic attack, and she is really helpful. We commiserate, and she seems ok with how things will go that weekend.
Come the wedding day, she looks beautiful and seems happy the ceremony. But at the reception, she seems tense and depressed, barely smiling, refusing the microphone, one word answers to questions. Her husband is having the time of his life and talks to us all animatedly, but she keeps drifting away, never on the dance floor, but seemingly not doing normal wedding activities either (talking to guests, saying goodbye etc.) They did have some family drama (hers) and the cake never arrived, so we chalk it up to that and have a wonderful time.
Two weeks later, after returning from her honeymoon, she calls me (just a few days ago). We talk about the honeymoon and she says it was wonderful and seems upbeat about it. But when talk turns to my wedding, she seems determined to bring me down. As we talk about how much clinking of the glasses the guests did and I mention that we are going to do a game where we draw a name of a couple out of bowl to determine who kisses next (something my FI and I saw at a wedding a few years ago and enjoyed), she says “Don’t bother. They’ll do it anyway. You can’t stop them.” She then proceeds to dismiss many of the last minute preparations I am doing, indicating that there is nothing I can do, x,y, and z will happen and I might as well just accept it. She then indicates that I will not be happy on my wedding day and I might as well just look forward to the honeymoon.
Now I’m floored… I thought that once her wedding was over, she would be just as supportive as before, but I feel like I’m getting hit by her wedding regrets. We have a bit more money to play with in our budget and we’ve had two years to plan, so we do have more planned for any number of things that she did not plan or prepare for (leading to a lot of the drama on the day of), and she seems bitter and determined to depress me. I’m just surprised at the lack of support from someone so recently married… my new plan is to do what I did when I first got engaged and stay far away until my wedding day, when I’ll be too busy to mind. Has anyone else dealt with married couples who regret their wedding day and seem to secretly want you to regret yours as well?