Post # 1
My friend and I were discussing this, and it interested me. She sees giving a blow job as a way to give the power to the man- the girl (or guy, whatever floats yout boat) is the one giving him the pleasure, focusing on him and his needs while not paying attention to the givers. I see giving it as a way to give the power to the giver- the person giving the blow job is in control of the pleasure of the other person, and they have the ability to give and take it away, and hold the receiver at their mercy.
Thoughts? It was an interesting conversation, even though I’m not sure how we got on it, and I’d love to see how other women view it. Please though, let’s not make this about how you give them or whatever, simply if you see it as giving the power to the giver, or giving the power to the reciever.
Post # 3
I agree with you, I think the giver holds all the power, controlling the receiver’s pleasure, and has the ability to give or stop the pleasure at any time.
Post # 4
I personally always believed the power was to the receiver b/c I viewed BJs as very submissive for the giver. Something about being “lower” than the receiver and looking up at them.
Darling Husband on the other hand believes they are the ultimate power for the giver b/c she is holding his “manhood” in her mouth. He insists that there is a level of trust that comes from letting someone do that. He’s been w/many women and he told me he only trusted a couple of them to do that to him.
Post # 6
@cirk: I think it can work both ways, depending on the dynamic. Men can abuse the generosity of the giver (think Sex and the City with the guy pushing Charlotte’s head down there) and / or try (whether intentionally or not) to kind of…humiliate the giver, trying to get them to submit, making demands, etc.
But then there’s the mutual respect kind of blow job where the giver truly wants to do it, wants to bring the man pleasure. Even if there’s no teasing involved and it’s just solely about giving the guy a great time, there’s a definite power in that for the giver.
Post # 7
@ellisrobertson: + 1.
I think it’s all about the atitude in which it is given. The giver can hold the power and dominate the receiver or be dominated and “used.” It really is all about the dynamic in the relationship and whatever floats your boat at the time.
Post # 8
I don’t know, I honestly don’t see oral sex (on either party) as a power thing. I guess the focus is on the receiver.
Post # 9
@ellisrobertson: im going to add a “Depends, could be either” option, because you’re right, it could really be either. THere is a major difference between a woman giving a blow job because the man wants her to (power to the receiver) verses a woman giving one because she wants to (power to the giver)
Post # 10
@cirk: Exactly! And I’ve been in both situations. I’ve never, ever given one when I didn’t want to, but I have had guys turn it around midway through, trying to dominate the situation and turn it into something totally ridiculous. For me, even when it’s just about giving the guy pleasure, it still turns me on and I refuse to continue if the guy is being a dick (pun actually not intended, lol) about it. Sometimes, to maintain the feeling of power when I’m starting to feel used, I’ll become really unenthusiastic about it and his…um…ego will deflate. It’s vindictive, but when it’s gone from a mutual respect and pleasure thing to a “you will do this for me and get me off and be obedient about it” thing, the switch turns in my brain and I participate in the power struggle.
I hope it’s a given that I meant that all in the past tense. There’s only one guy now. 😀
Post # 11
@Jacqui90: +1 🙂 we are the ones in control honey 🙂
Post # 12
Usually the giver, unless you’re getting facefucked and gagging and all that.
Post # 13
The giver is definitely more powerful. They’re in control of everything the other person feels. Guys can TRY and take control, but generally the giver will either A. enjoy that and allow it (meaning they’re still actually in control, but yeildng for their own enjoyment) or B. Cease giving pleasure until behavior has improved. 😉
Post # 14
In my relationship oral sex doesn’t represent power, just a fricken great time.
Post # 15
@Bebealways: Totally agree. The giver definitely has the power. 🙂
Post # 16
@cirk: It depends on the situation and who is controling it. Just because you’re giving it doesn’t mean that’s you. There are plenty of sexual situations where the person *giving* is actually submissive. I suppose without considering fetish life, the giver has the power (but I’d never consider a life without fetishes!)