Post # 1
Ok, I was reading about a lady who claimed her husband wasn’t overly aggressive, yet throws things in a fit of rage……
I have been married for 7 years. I have not been in a safe nurturing environment, and have been walking on egg shells this whole time. My H ALWAYS throws shit and hits shit. He does not handle stress or anger well AT ALL. I have had a variatble plethora of objects thrown ” in your direction, but not at you”….. Or, chased around a table, or pushed out of his way, or called many derogitory names and threatened etc. I have children exposed to this, and they started to nurture ME. Not cool. Because I made excuses for his actions. I found ways to justify his anger, intention was to try n defuse him, but it condoned it instead. It has gotten worse each time.
This time, it hit me in the eye, and gave me a HUGE purple and black eye. I could have lost my eye actually, what he threw could have poked it right out. Now, this is the first time I have been bruised where others can see. (however, true friends/family have seen the bruised soul all along) Now I look in the mirror and my justifactions have faded. as well, I feel like a jack ass for still being here. In fact as I write this, I am gathering the nerve to go to my mom’s.
Just because he hasn’t hit you with his fists, doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. He claims he never means to throw it at me, just near me…..that’s BS. the intention is to FRIGHTEN you, to be able to control you further. Oh, and even if he will talk about it…..talk is cheap, trust me. I am a psychologist, I have offered strategies, and called a therapist…..he won’t go. I have spent all this time trying to help a wounded animal, and to no avail. Only outcome has been depression. We have had many long heart wrenching discussions. I love him. He loves me. However, not all love is healthy. The love I have for my kids is a stronger and more important bond, as far as I am concerned. The longer I condone this, the higher this risks of my kids acting out like him.
Peace will find it’s way back in to my world 🙂
Post # 2
Anais: Did you say you are a psychologist? At any rate, YES, all of that is abuse!! And you do NOT have to live with it. When I was getting divorced (from a semi abuser, fist through the wall, emotional games) and I was waffling, my mom said: Do you want to spend the next 50 years like this? And somehow that really hit me. NO I DID NOT. I got out and so should you. You can do it!!
Post # 3
Get help and get out. It is abuse and neither you nor the kids deserve this or should be near it. Go to your mom’s, to a friend’s, to the hospital or police if you need to. But get out of there and get somewhere safe.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
You are being emotionally and physically (and I”m sure also verbally) abused. No one deserves that, and staying in this situation is guaranteed to psychologically damage your children – which I’m sure you know. Please leave asap – if not for yourself, for them.
Post # 5
Anais: Would you want your children to grow up and be like him? Do you want your children to be in a relationship with someone like him?
If the answer is no, please get somewhere safe with your kids and leave his ass. You are being abused, it will escalate and you seem to have a good enough head on your shoulders to realize that. Good luck OP.
Post # 6
Those words do always play in my head ” do you want to spend the rest of your life this way???”
The shame I carry however, is that it took a black eye to open my eyes fully. I am packing right now actually 🙂
I felt this time, I should reach out to strangers, unbiased views. Good move I think.
Post # 7
I was there. And then I went down the same road. Luckily I was able to stop the train before it got to the physical abuse spot again. I know it’s very difficult and I know that it’s not always the easiest thing. People around me saw what was going on long before I did. I wish you all of the best for both you and your children. If you ever need an ear please do not hesitate to reach out.
Post # 8
I’ve been there, and I know how hard it is. Whether you stay or go permanently, keep in mind the statistic that 98% percent of men who are violent will never be able to stop. It sounds like your situation has been escalating throughout the years, and it is really unlikely, after so much time, that it’s going to suddenly go to zero. All of what you have described is abuse and it’s horrible.
It is possible that he is part of the 2% that never go back to any kind of abuse, but even with therapy, counselling, lifestyle changes (i.e. alcohol use), a real self-awareness (i.e. triggers) and hard work on his part, it will take a very long time for you to be able to have a ‘normal’ relationship if you stay. Patterns become really ingrained and more so after time.
One thing that I did was I took photographs of the bruises that I had; not for prosecution purposes or anything, but so that the violence could not be excused or minimized. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I’m sending you a big, virtual hug.