Black eye…..

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Anais:  Did you say you are a psychologist? At any rate, YES, all of that is abuse!! And you do NOT have to live with it. When I was getting divorced (from a semi abuser, fist through the wall, emotional games) and I was waffling, my mom said: Do you want to spend the next 50 years like this? And somehow that really hit me. NO I DID NOT. I got out and so should you. You can do it!!

Post # 3
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Get help and get out. It is abuse and neither you nor the kids deserve this or should be near it. Go to your mom’s, to a friend’s, to the hospital or police if you need to. But get out of there and get somewhere safe.

Post # 4
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

You are being emotionally and physically (and I”m sure also verbally) abused.  No one deserves that, and staying in this situation is guaranteed to psychologically damage your children – which I’m sure you know.  Please leave asap – if not for yourself, for them.

Post # 5
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Anais:  Would you want your children to grow up and be like him? Do you want your children to be in a relationship with someone like him?

If the answer is no, please get somewhere safe with your kids and leave his ass. You are being abused, it will escalate and you seem to have a good enough head on your shoulders to realize that. Good luck OP.

Post # 7
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I was there. And then I went down the same road. Luckily I was able to stop the train before it got to the physical abuse spot again. I know it’s very difficult and I know that it’s not always the easiest thing. People around me saw what was going on long before I did. I wish you all of the best for both you and your children. If you ever need an ear please do not hesitate to reach out.

Post # 8
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’ve been there, and I know how hard it is. Whether you stay or go permanently, keep in mind the statistic that 98% percent of men who are violent will never be able to stop. It sounds like your situation has been escalating throughout the years, and it is really unlikely, after so much time, that it’s going to suddenly go to zero. All of what you have described is abuse and it’s horrible.

It is possible that he is part of the 2% that never go back to any kind of abuse, but even with therapy, counselling, lifestyle changes (i.e. alcohol use), a real self-awareness (i.e. triggers) and hard work on his part, it will take a very long time for you to be able to have a ‘normal’ relationship if you stay. Patterns become really ingrained and more so after time.

One thing that I did was I took photographs of the bruises that I had; not for prosecution purposes or anything, but so that the violence could not be excused or minimized. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I’m sending you a big, virtual hug. 

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