Post # 1
so my wedding is a black tie optional.
this is stated on our wedding website: A black tie event is a formal event. Guests are expected wear tuxedos and formal gowns, which are most often floor length. If you do not own, or would rather not wear, a tuxedo or formal gown, you can take it down a notch. For men, this means wearing a suit with a tie or a bow tie. Women should avoid dresses that are too short or too risque. Do not show up in business clothes, business casual, sportswear, casual clothes, sun dresses, clubbing dresses, or jeans.
i’m worried with what people are going to wear!!!
I’ve already encountered this today. Just found out my FI mom is wearing a knee length formal dress… Do you think this will be ok? My BM and mom are all wearing long… would it look weird in pictures when she is the only one with legs showing? cuz you know she will be taking pictures with the bridal party.
does everyone get what a black tie optional means? i think my explanation is ok… or should i add more to it?
Post # 4
if you’re concerned about what family members wear in pictures, why not just call them up and ask them to wear a certain length skirt? i think an explanation is overkill, especially for your guests. i guess it depends on what circle you run in, but all the weddings i’ve been to are black tie or black tie invited and everyone seems to know what it means and dresses appropriately.
Post # 5
I think your explination is ok but i would cut out that last sentence, its a little too much. O agree with blondi03 that you should just call everyone who is going to be in pictures and let them know what type of attire you would prefer.
Post # 6
I think when you say black tie optional, you have to expect some short dresses. I think your FMIL will look lovely and it won’t be weird in pictures. I would say 99% of your guests will come dressed appropriately. My weddign was “formal” and that was stated on the invite. Everyone looked wonderful, except one of DHs cousins showed up in jeans and sneakers. What can you do? It didn’t ruin my day in the slightest.
Post # 7
I don’t blame you for worrying. Not everyone is blessed with the gift of common sense, unfortunately. As simple as you might think “black tie” or “formal attire” is to understand, it’s amazing how other people will interpret it.
Post # 8
@magilnyc: I agree that you have to expect some guests in short dresses. To me, black tie optional means that if you own a tuxedo or a formal gown you should wear it. If you dont own one, you are not required to go out and purchase something that is black tie but you should wear the nicest cocktail dress that you own. If you wanted people to wear long gowns you should make your dress code black tie.
Post # 10
black tie optional does include knee length dresses. Also is there any particular reason why you do not want short dresses? I agree with pp that the explanation you have put on your site is a bit too much and unnecessary. I think you should cut out this part:
“Women should avoid dresses that are too short or too risque. Do not show up in business clothes, business casual, sportswear, casual clothes, sun dresses, clubbing dresses, or jeans.
Post # 11
I think the description is overkill and slightly insulting? Make your description on your website playful and fun sounding, not like it’s a dress code. If you want everyone in long dresses it should be “black tie” or “white tie.” NOT black tie optional.
I attend many events throughout the year that are black tie optional. To me, this means my nicest cocktail dress (which is not floor length) and tuxes for men. Yes, you should be able to control what your FMIL wears. Tell her that the bridal party must be in floor length dresses.
Post # 12
@PinkMagnolia: “Yes, you should be able to control what your FMIL wears. “
Umm, I have to disagree. She’s a grown woman and should be able to pick out her own clothes. As long as she’s not wearing something completely inappropriate (like a clown costume), then let her wear what she wants. A short dress will look FINE, even if the bridal party is in long dresses. I also had a black tie optional wedding and most of the guests who were around my age were in short/knee length cocktail dresses. SOme older women wore long gowns, and all the men were either in tuxes or dark suits. As @bells and @PitBullLover stated, black tie optional does NOT mean that guests must wear long gowns. In fact, straight out black tie doesn’t even mean that–the rules have gotten much more flexible than they were 50 years ago.
Post # 13
I don’t think you should dictate what FMIL wears, but the she should go off the style that you set.
Post # 14
i don’t mind everyone else if they are in short dresses… but i just think it would look weird when it comes to parents and the bridal party dresses… my FMIL will be the only one in a short dress. anyway, she is looking for something long now.
as far as the end part of the black tie optional info. i put it there to let people know what i don’t want. i know most people going think that slacks and a shirt with a tie is formal, or a sun dress. i know for sure that people will come in this if i don’t put that on there. my average age range for the wedding guests are 25-60. this is the reason why i didn’t do cocktail attire… for the matter that guys will just come in slacks and shirts.
i’ve already been asked by a family friend if he can just wear a tie, slacks, and a shirt!!! after he read that on the website!
Post # 15
I also think you should get rid of that last part. I know the reasoning behind it, but to be honest it sounds rude, obnoxious and condescending.
Post # 16
@spoonoutmyheart: Mine was black tie optional. The dress was still all over the place. We did have some folks in tux’s with their dates in short dresses. We also still had guys that showed up with no jackets, just shirts and ties. You have to be ready for people to be dressed at all different notches. We didnt have any hawaiin shirt and khaki guys, but still not what we had stated. I think you’re coming off super harsh about it.