- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Little background on my situation: I come from a family of 5 kids. I’m the second in line. My older sister has been married 6 years, little sister a year and little brother just got engaged. I also have another little sister who doesn’t play much of a part in this deal. I have 3 weeks until I think my SO is going to propose. I’m the “black sheep” in my family and have a rocky relationship with my dad. That being said, here’s my story…
My family has some interesting dynamics, one of them being that my parents seem to disagree with almost every decision I make. I struggle because I’m a very independent thinker and make decisions based on my morals and values. My other siblings tend to follow anything my parents say. My brother decided to move out of my parents last year, but couldn’t afford to live on his own. His girlfriend already had an apartment that her parents paid for so she had him move in with her. However, they decided to lie to both sets of parents. Her parents said he could live there, but they would have to tell my parents. So my brother’s solution was to lie about it to most everyone, save 3 or 4 of us.
I decided to move in with my SO in April. But I also decided to be honest. I’m an adult and I have no reason to hide anything. My parents wigged out and it was this huge conversation. Not only that but my dad still talks behind my back about what a bad decision it was for me to move (very conservative and very religious).
So I get chastised for making, what is turning out to be a very good decision. My brother is praised for “being able to be on his own” and lying about everything. My little sister decided to tell my parents. Their response was that he wouldn’t do that and she’s making stuff up. It’s like they don’t want see that their son has it in him to be so deceptive. Now, if the situation was reversed and I was lying, oh good lord, the sky would fall and all sorts of awful things would come about.
I’m mad at my brother for continuing to lie. He pays zero living expenses. He works, but doesn’t make much and what he makes, he spends on toys. His girlfriend pays for nothing either – she’s given money for everything by her parents. She doesn’t want to tell her parents because they might ask him to chip in for rent. Uh, that’s bad? So they just go on letting people think that they are being adults and paying for everything.
I’m mad at my parents for turning a blind eye and so blatantly favoring him. I’ve been out on my own for 8 years. I’ve never asked for money and made it through college on a server’s wage. I saved up enough cash to buy a used car outright. I’m responsible, driven, honest and get beat over the head for it. He’s a liar, manipulative, lazy and spoiled and they praise him.
Now, I know I should just let it go. But it’s simply not that easy. I wish I could ignore it and just move on with my life. But I see my family a lot and there’s constant tension over things like this. Plus once I get engaged, it’s only going to get worse. Do I talk to my parents about how I feel? Do I spill the beans on the living situation? Do I just flat out try to let it go? And how do I do that?
Thanks for reading, I know it was long. I’m so torn and I just want a decision!