Post # 1
Hi bees. I appreciate this place because you guys get what I’m going through as a wait-er. I am really questioning whether I want to wait for my guy to be ready to get married. It’s a milestone birthday for me today. I planned a party for tomorrow night (there’s a big bowl game on tonight), but so far no one has committed to coming to it. I told bf that I was disappointed and sad about the party, because I’d always imagined I’d have a cool party or a really cool gift for this birthday.
I had a good day today; had lunch with a friend from work, renewed my driver’s license and watched a movie. Then I picked bf up from work and immediately felt sad. He didn’t bother to plan ahead where we would go for dinner. We stopped one place that the menu didn’t appeal to me, and the other places I wanted to go to were closed because of the bowl game. I hate myself for wanting him to have planned something special for me.
I know I grew up with an awesome Mom who made sure we had our favorite meal, dessert and a special gift on every birthday. Bf’s feelings and expectations about birthdays aren’t the same as mine. But we’ve had this discussion before. I am tired of doing this.
For the past few months I’ve felt that he kisses me like I’m his sister. I can’t think of a nice way to say that to him, or that I feel he has failed me by not doing SOMETHING for my birthday. I really don’t have anyone else to spend the rest of the evening with, and we have retreated to our separate rooms (another problem, as you can imagine.)
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here; just feel forlorn and don’t see how this will ever be fixed.
Post # 3
awwww…i’m so sorry you are sad on your birthday
Post # 4
First of all, happy birthday! Today is my sister’s birthday, too. I can understand the birthday frustration. My family (especially my mom) was just like yours, birthdays were like a holiday. My FI is used to birthdays being low key. I would get my feelings hurt if he didn’t call first thing in the morning. We’ve now reached an understanding about birthdays. We both just grew up celebrating them differently, it doesn’t have anything to do about how we feel about each other. I can definietly still understand how it hurts.
From what I’ve read, I can definitely tell that you’re feeling frustrated. It sounds like your relationship has been in a rut. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? It’s possible he’s noticed the same things too, but isn’t sure how to bring them up. My now-FI and I have gone through ruts before. I think it’s natural of every relationship.
Something that we do to get the spark back is we will take turns making a surprise date night for the other. We’ll plan the activities and just surprise the other. We will also have no phone/internet nights where we can sit down, talk, and just reconnect.
If these things have been tried, if you and your SO have been trying different things, there is always counseling. I admit, I got really concerned when I read that you two were sleeping in separate rooms (although it could be something simple as he snores and keeps you awake). Sometimes it can be hard to actually vocalize the problem. It could even be something else that’s affecting him. I don’t know how old you two are, or where you’re at in your lives, but there are definitely some stressful things going on this day and age!
Good luck! It sounds like you guys are going through a difficult patch, but I am confident you can work through it!
Post # 5
Thanks, gals. I just talked to him. He said he loves me and knows I’m frustrated. He said he does want to make things work. And then he said he is going to bed! at 7:30 on my birthday!
I am either going out or I will order a gourmet pizza to be delivered. Then I will watch TV and some of my favorite old movies. Thanks again for being there. He can’t really understand the pain I am feeling.
When my mom had this birthday, I took her to dinner at her favorite fancy restaurant, gave her gold earrings, and sent her on a trip. I just wish my life could be a little more like that.
Sigh. It will get different, I know that! Oh, and I did just get an email a local cattery that will have a litter of kittens next month. Maine Coon. That’s what I am getting myself for this birthday.
Post # 6
That sounds great! I definitely agree on doing something special for yourself. Just out of curiousity, how many birthdays have you and your guy spent together?
My mom and stepfather also just popped into my head. My stepfather loves to give gifts, but not on traditional days (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc.). He feels that he’d rather surprise you than do something that is expected. It took my mom a little bit to get used to, but it works for them. Maybe your SO could be like that. It still hurts, because it’s different from what you’re used to, but it could be an explanation!
I’m glad you and he talked a little tonight. It sounds like if he’s going to bed at 7:30 that something is stressing him out, or he’s just been busy with something. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon!
Post # 7
Happy birthday! Do something nice for yourself 🙂 Like you said, order some good food and dig in on the couch! Watch a movie you want to see. I hope things work out for your birthday party tomorrow, if not, maybe your boyfriend will step up! Or maybe you can hang out with some family?
Post # 8
happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear fellow bee mermaideve! Happy birthday toooooooooooooo youuuuuuuuuuu! I’m sorry your bf didn’t surprise you..i think you should get into something comfy, order some food, and watch a funny comedy. You should laugh outloud with a good movie. =)
Post # 9
Happy Birthday!!! Treat yourself to something special! This week make a trip to a spa that always makes me feel special! Or buy yourself you something you wouldnt normally!
Post # 10
Happy birthday! I totally relate to your situation. It was my birthday on Saturday and my man pretty much treated it like any other day, except he gave me flowers. And it was my 30th birthday! A big one!
He, too, comes from a family where birthdays are not a big deal and I come from a family where we have big celebrations and cake and the whole day is about you and what you want. Needless to say, I felt very rejected and upset. (It doesnt help that we are in a LDR right now and he lives 4 hours away and did not drive to come see me, even though my bday was on a Saturday). Ugh.
I just wanted to say I understand how you feel and all you can really do is tell them how important birthdays are to you even though they aren’t to him. I ended up doing this and my guy said next year he will try harder to make my day special. Anyway, I’m sorry you’re feeling sad and hopefully our men will get smart one of these days and smother us with romance and sweetness!
Post # 11
Happy birthday! Glad you ordered a pizza and did something nice for yourself. It’s possible that he has something planned for you on another day and doesn’t want to give it away. My guy can be a horrible gift giver as well. In my case, i think he just doesn’t know what to get me so i get some random things put together in a bag. Let him know how important this is to you, expecialy since its a big birthday and has a deep meaning to you.
It also seems a bit suspicious that not one of your friends can come to a party for you. I think something is up (surprise party maybe?) and he’s afraid he’s going to spill the beans and ruin it. Hope things work out for you.
Post # 12
Happy Birthday! I’m glad you treated yourself well and get yourself something for your birthday. (I had someone look at me crazy b/c I buy myself gifts. Who doesn’t??)
I have a milestone birthday coming up (30) and I hope my SO doesn’t drop the ball. He has before, so I don’t know.
Post # 13
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. My family celebrates birthdays just like yours, while my FI’s family is lucky to even manage to call the birthday boy/girl on their special day. It’s incredibly frustrating to be with the person who’s supposed to be your family on your special day and have them not make any effort whatsoever to make that day special for you when you’ve spent your whole life with the opposite. It’s a big, giant let-down. I’ve been there and it royally sucks. I’ve taken to making my birthday special on my OWN. I schedule a massage, I tell my FI where we’re going to eat and I make sure and talk to my mom (who continues to treat me like I’m 5 years old on my birthday no matter how old I get.) So even though your bday was yesterday (it shouldn’t just be a day anyway, in my opinion. I’m a fan of the birthday WEEK), go out and do something special today. Get a massage and charge it to his card. 🙂
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! SOMEONE IS GRATEFUL YOU WERE BORN!! 😀
Post # 14
This is our third time celebrating my birthday. I have an emotional hangover today. I am taking care of bills, budgeting and cleaning the kitchen. Then I will definitely do something fun!