blended families

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If you can’t agree on how to raise your kids together the relationship is unlikely to work in the long run.  I would try to raise the idea of a set schedule for all of the kids and if your BF balks then it’s time for you to walk.  My ex husband and I had different ideas about how to raise a child and we constantly clashed over how to raise his daughter (he was too indulgent and lacked clear expectations while I wanted a set schedule and expectations.)  Worse, he would call me out in front her and undermine me when I told her “no” about something.

This is something that must be solved together as a couple because you’re doomed to fail if you try to do this on your own.  Blended families are very difficult and can be impossible if both parents are not on the same page regarding rules, schedules, and discipline.

Post # 4
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Face:  the first years in a blended family are really tough but if you guys stick together through all of it, you will know you are stronger and your life will be more rewarding.


My FI has two children from his previous marriage with shared custody, i don’t have any. I can’t even imagine the drama invloved if I had them too! So many opinions on everything in the house LOL


As for the annulment part. They can take up to 3 years. Why don’t you guys do what we are doing ? Why not get married by a revrend or minister in a non catholic way and once your annulments come through, then marry in a church on a 5 year anniversary ?


Post # 5
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Coming from experience of blending two families, if you have already been living together for 2 years, you are way past time to come to some agreement on child rearing. It is confusing for the kids when you have different expectations and will cause trouble in the relationship between the two of you and between each parent and the other’s children.

I suggest the two of you sit down now and come to some agreement on even minor items like response times to calls for dinner. If you can’t come to agreement on your own, seek professional help. Your children deserve some unity between the two of you.

You can help by upping your expectations of your own kids. I don’t see that allowing your som to throw his blankets on the floor is “raising him pretty strictly” and obviously it is a sore point for your FI. Even though you feel that he is easier on his kids than yours, there will also be things that bug him.

They are all  plenty old enough to make their beds when they get up in the morning. Straightening up a duvet is easier than making a bed with blankets.

I encourage you to deal with this issue as it is obviously bothering you.


Post # 8
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Face:  no kidding! I know all about crazy ex’s! His ex is a piece of work too.

it will get easier with time. Just look far into future and where you see yourself and what is making you happy and it will be easier on you going through the hickups. You both however have to sit down and figure out how to work as a team. 

Post # 9
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Have you and your FI sat down to write “house rules” and develop a consequence scheme for violations? Setting forth “the rules” and “the consequences” as a unified front may help you two become a parenting team. When Mr. LK and I moved in together, we set up a family mission statement (cheesy, but effective) and house rules. Our rules focus on always being truthful with one another, treating each other with respect, assuring that chores are done before fun activities, always offering to help if you see someone working on something, etc. “The rules” apply to all of us, but were really designed to let Teen LK know what we expect of him. Farther down the line we needed to establish a consequence scheme for when teen LK didn’t abide by the house rules. So infraction 1 = loss of computer game privledges, infraction 2= loss of all computer privledges, etc.

As a side note, Mr. LK and I have committed to being a team. If Parent A is disciplining and Parent B does not agree, Parent B keeps his/her mouth shut. We NEVER disagree about rules and/or discipline in front of Teen LK. Ever. All parenting disagreements are discussed behind closed doors after the fact. We both agree that some boundaries will never be crossed during discipline (we’re anti-physical punishment) and we both agree that we will consult the other parent if our standard list of consequences just does not seem to fit the bill. Oh, and we also have our own parenting mission statement to use as our guiding principle in all decisions related to Teen LK. Sometimes referring back to that helps us see the forest through the trees. Basically, we talk a ton about parenting, make sure that our base is strong, and frequently check-in with each other to stay on the same page. Communication is key.

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