- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
First of all, we are both older than most of you here. We are both in our early 50’s. He’s been married 3 times, me only once. I’ve been divorced 16 years and he’s been divorced a couple of months. All of this sounds bad when I type it out, but we were able to work through them.
His first marriage was his high school sweetheart and she cheated on him while he was in the service. Marriage lasted less than a year.
Second marriage lasted about 15 years and they had a child together. She grew uninterested in sex and he had an affair. He cried when he told me about it and said it was the worst mistake he made in his life. (mainly because of the child, who is now 28)
Third marriage lasted 8 years and they got married after 2 months of meeting. She had two sons and the oldest was a druggie. Her son also had a child with his girlfriend. He’d ask her for money because the baby needed something, but would spend it on drugs. He told her to stop giving him money and just buy what the baby needed. She said she would stop, but took almost all of their money from savings secretly over many months and continued to give him money.
We met just over 3 months ago and it was awesome from the very beginning. He told me he had been divorced 2 months and that concerned me. I told him I did not want to be the “rebound girl”. He later told me that the divorce was not yet final, but would be soon (first red flag). However, I might have never known, so kudos for him being honest.
We were head over heels in love with one another and soon started talking about our future. We knew people wouldn’t understand how quickly we were moving, especially his family because of his past relationships. I met all of them and we got along very well. He explained that they were just worried about him and I understood and respected that. We just decided we’d wait for them to “catch up”.
Every day he would send several texts and called to tell me how much he loved me. He would leave little notes in the house for me to see. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he would never hurt me, or leave me. We were soul mates and we would work through whatever issues may come up. He was the happiest he’d ever been and was so in love with me. He said it was unconditional love.
About a month ago, he moved in with me and put his house (about 40 miles away) up for sale. Our plan was to sell both houses and move into a new house together to start our new life. There wasn’t a specific timeline, so I was thrilled when he gave me an engagement ring on Christmas Eve! He actually took me back to the site we first met to surprise me with the ring. Very romantic!
My family found out right away since they were in town for the holiday. He told his daughter the next day and assured her it would be a long engagement He said it was so that she wouldn’t worry about him acting so quickly. I was fine with that. He never told the rest of his family. That concerned me.
A few days after Christmas, we left for a 4 day trip to Chicago. He was sick, but didn’t let on how badly. However, he was miserable in the cold, windy city. We cut the trip after 2 days and came back home.
The relationship was a little different while we were there, but I attributed it to him being sick.
We did meet up with some of my friends out of town for New Years Eve. It was a last minute decision and we failed to eat dinner. I drank too much and regretted it. I think he was a little peeved about that, but didn’t say much about it.
When we got back home the next day, I went to take a long, hot shower. When I came out, he said those dreaded words “We need to talk……..” He said he was going back to his house because he needed some time to think. He thinks we might be moving too fast all of a sudden when it was him that initiated almost everything in regard to the speed of our relationship.
While I was in the shower, he had taken all of his things and put them in the car. He said he loved me, but he wasn’t sure if he was in love with me anymore and did not want to make another mistake. He cried when he was telling me these things. I was in shock (and hungover), so I was unable to say much. He cried when he told me. He told me to keep the ring. I said ok, but I’m not wearing it until it was right.
We talked briefly that night after I called him several times. He wouldn’t answer because he didn’t know what to say. He finally called me, but didn’t want to talk much and gave me no answers. That was four days ago. I’ve sent him a couple of emails, but have not called or texted him.
Have I been dumped? Does he have cold feet? Or was I just a rebound relationship that got out of hand?