(Closed) Blog Article on +1’s

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4486 posts
Honey bee

Anyone who banks on getting a crapton of cash as gifts is setting themselves up for disappointment. Many people do not give cash gifts for any occasion, and in the current recession, most do not have extra cash on hand anyway. Gifts are not required in either case.

As far as +1s are concerned, no one is required to invite them, nor should anyone be guilttripped *by anyone* if they choose not to invite random strangers. Weddings by default are very expensive compared to regular family parties, simply because couples are willing to pay what vendors charge so the vendors have no problem with jacking up prices even when the exact same services are provided at a family party. That said, most people do not want random strangers attending who clearly don’t care about them and whom they will never see again. Weddings for most are considered intimate parties where only the nearest and dearest are invited. The only required “+1s” are spouses, fiances, and those in serious relationships, no one else. In those cases, the other person is to be invited by name, not “and guest”. If you don’t know their names, they are obviously not that close to you. At the same time, a guest (whom the couple knows and invites) should not have to rely on bringing a friend whom the couple doesn’t know in order to enjoy themselves. If someone can’t have a good time with the other guests in attendance, then decline the invite and stay home. Most adults have no problem whatsoever with entertaining themselves at a wedding even if they don’t know anyone except the couple.

With folks like the author of the article ranting about what they think should be “law”, it’s no wonder that vendors charge what they do for weddings and raise their prices every year, meanwhile couples who are paying for this (nearly always on their own) lament the huge expense and then can’t figure out why they are so expensive when they add in “obligatory”/guilt-trip invites that they don’t really want to send out but are pressured by folks who are not paying the bill. The author has no room to speak at all on this, nor does he have any right to make anyone feel bad for not including random strangers at your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think his argument for +1s is particularly good, but that said, I am actually entirely in favor of +1s. I think giving your guests the opportunity to bring a partner is one of the nicest things you can do for the guest. No flower arrangement or hors d’oeuvres selection will have the same impact on your guests’ fun.

EDIT: BTW, while I’m inviting a decent number of single friends, only three +1s are coming. Two are with people who will know very few other guests, and one is with a new relationship that is getting serious fast.

Post # 5
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with the author on some levels!

FI and I decided early on in planning that guest enjoyment was one of our top priorities for our wedding. And in our opinion giving all of our guests a +1 fit our guest enjoyment requirement. This way our guests can decide for themselves if they will have more fun with a plus one or without. Because we decided this really early it shaped our guest list. We only invited the people we really wanted to be there and gave them all the option of bringing a plus one. This did indeed take up a big chunk of our 60 people guest list but I would rather have my really close friends and family have a great time at my wedding then invite more distant friends.

I understand why other brides limit their guest list and I don’t judge them for it! This was just a high priority for my FI and I!

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