Post # 1
So my fiance and I have been engaged almost 4 weeks now and my mom and I have started planning for the wedding even though it isnt until September 4, 2010. We are planning so early so everything is in some sort of order since I head off to college next month and I am gone until December. So anyways, things were going great, mom and i are actually getting along, we found a hall and a gazebo and booked it, found my dress, the bridesmaid dresses and my moms dress. Not only that but the place were I am getting all these dresses at is giving us 5% off the dresses and then an additional 10% when the boys rent their tuxes there and we get 150 invites for free. So I felt like everything is falling into place perfectly. However I was wrong.
In the mist of everything, my future stepmother in-law, gives me a call while my fiance was at work and informs me that the date we picked aouldnt work for them because its labor day weekend and camping is far more important. I am thinking you have got to be kidding me. So anyways I am like let me talk to my fiance and see what we can do. So he gets off work and I tell him whats going on and he said dont worry I will call them this weekend and talk to them. So then the next day she calls me again and askes if I picked a hall and i said yes and then I proceed to tell her what a great deal we got which we did , $25 a plate which includes tax and 4.5 hour bar and linens. She then tells me thats all well and good but she feels thats too far for them to travel so we should find another hall which is closer to them. And I have no idea what to say so I am like I will talk to you later. So again I tell my fiance what happened and he says no worries I will take care of it. So later that weekend he calls his stepmom and has them on speaker phone and they act like everything is fine and whatever we want is fine.
Then after I find the perfect dress I want my bridesmaids and I call up all the girls and they all think its great except his sister, who is usually very easy going. SHe thinks its too expensive $169and I should look at other dresses.
What should I do?
Post # 3
Stick to your plans that you have made. $169 is not bad at all for the price of a bridesmaids dress. If she is that concerned about it and the other bridesmaids are fine, you can offer to relieve her of her commitment to be a bridesmaid.
You are planning very far ahead, so people (ie your FIL’s can) suck it up and plan to save up, put aside the time, and budget to be at your wedding. They are likely just testing to see how much they can get away with with respect to pushing you in your wedding plans, because it seems like just one issue after another.
It really seems to me that your FSMIL is just testing you. Keep sticking to your plan and she will get the idea that you won’t be pushed around.
Post # 4
We got some grief from my husband’s family for having the wedding in my home state instead of theirs, but I said TFB: My parents are paying and helping me plan, so we’re having it where they live. Just politely remind them that this is why you’re giving them over a year’s notice, so they can plan ahead for the trip, and then let your FI deal with it. As long as you and he are on the same page, that’s what matters. Just my opinion, anyway.
Edit: Agreed with MsMini — seems like they’re testing you. Stick to your plans!
Post # 5
Ok that’s nuts, you just need to keep up with the plannning, don’t change anything, they will either fall in line, or choose.. and let me state that again.. their choice.. to not be a part. I know it would be hard if they made that decision, but again it’s their choice. You have found great deals so far, you should be proud of yourself.
There are some times when you need to compromise, and things you have to let go, but not on every detail especially when it seems like every little thing annoys them.
Your doing a good job, just try to blow it off and let FI deal with them
Post # 6
Agree with PP and just a tip – see your FMIL’s number on your cell phone/caller i.d.? Send her to voice mail! Don’t have caller i.d.? Get it! And then only return her call when your fiance is home.
Post # 7
It’s fairly common that the bride get married in HER hometown. That’s what we’re doing, and the area I’m from is two hours away from where I live with FI and where most of his family is. It never crossed my mind to get married where we’re living now, because I’m just not familiar with the area and would not feel comfortable planning there.
Your FI needs to talk to his family. Until he does? Don’t let your FMIL bully you into having the wedding SHE wants, not the wedding you want!
Post # 8
Hang in there!! In-laws can be tough going.
@Habibi’s advice is good, but sooner or later you will have to stand up to your FMIL.
Post # 9
Hang in there! Some people missed the lessons on how to be tactful and nice.
I don’t think that $169 is too much for a bridesmaid’s dress; however, $169 may be a lot of money to some people. Easy-going might not mean a thing if your bank account is hurting. Needless to say, if money is really a problem you could offer to pay for part of the dress, perhaps half.
Otherwise, it sounds like you are getting some great deals and getting lots of details squared away to boot! 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
$169 isn’t that much for a bridesmaid dress, but it’s a lot for a bridesmaid dress 14 months in advance. Hold off on those until you get back in December, if you can. People won’t mind as much then. Personally, I know that buying an expensive dress is part of the deal when I agree to be a bridesmaid, but I don’t expect to lay it out over a year in advance!