Post # 1
Has anyone else seen this movie yet?
I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s basically about a couple that is madly in love before/when they get married, and then flip flops back and forth between then and in the present where they are seriously unhappy and everything is falling apart. One of the biggest things that drives them apart (that I took away) is different life goals.
My husband held on to me so tight during that movie, and I know what we both were thinking: please do not let that happen to us.
It scared me sort of, because you truly can never know what will happen–and I’ve seen seemingly wonderful marriages just fall apart.
We have a lot of main goals that are the same…but some are different. We’re both from divorced parents (& I think my dad is about to go through divorce #2–the movie doesn’t talk about this specifically, but her parents’ marriage is bad) as well.
I don’t want to be the kind of couple that just says “Oh that’s not gonna be us” and then one day I’m 40 and hate myself and my marriage.
Just thought the movie was a VERY interesting take on American marriage and was wondering if any others had thoughts?
Post # 3
@deetroitwhat: I haven’t seen the film, but I think its important to enter into a marriage understanding that things happen and people fall out of love. Its good to have those conversations as a couple- what are our expectations if things fall apart, when would we get a divorce/seperate/get counseling, how would we divide up assets, whats would expectations around custody be. I’m marrying him believing that we will be together for the rest of our lives, but I’m not naive and I understand that life takes us in directions we could never predict.
I tend to be a little unromantic about this kind of thing, and I know it bothers some people, but it works well for our relationship.
Post # 4
I really want to see this movie! It looks like a gooder! When I read the synopsis and reviews, it reminded me of Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. If you haven’t seen that movie, it’s also a portrait of a couple who start out with all the promise and joy of a new marriage. Over the years, one by one their dreams fall by the wayside and they begin to grow resentful of each other. The resentment gradually builds up until the couple reaches their breaking point.
Darling Husband and I had the same thoughts that you did while we were watching Revolutionary Road. Please don’t let this happen to us. Please don’t take each other for granted. Please don’t let us grow apart. Please don’t say things we don’t mean that can never be taken back.
The film was so scary because the fights they had were just ordinary fights. Every couple has had spats like that. The film showed how easy it is for these fights to slowly escalate as time goes by, as patience starts wearing thinner, as resentment builds. It’s a slow deterioration that snuck past the couple’s notice. It was so real.
I think if you’re conscious of how a marriage can fall apart, and you and your husband continually put effort into your relationship to keep it strong, you can avoid a lot of the unintentional pitfalls that are so poignantly displayed in these films. Because often by the time it becomes obvious that things are falling apart, it’s already too late to mend the relationship. You can’t go back.
Really interesting topic, thanks for starting this thread! I’m really interested to see other opinions!
Post # 5
@elivt: No I understand. It’s healthy to think about, and important to be level-headed about. I think the movie did a really good job of capturing the unromantic side of marriage (even though I know you haven’t seen it). They put a lot of stress on day-to-day activities in the present, while their past was a little more “butterflies and unicorns” so-to-speak.
@jayce: No!!! I always wanted to see that movie, but did not. I will have to rent it, thanks for the tip. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to see the movie, I had heard so many positive things about it, but I was kind of weary because I heard all these phenomonal reviews about Black Swan and I really disliked that movie. But Blue Valentine… It’s 3 days later and I’m still thinking about it. Ryan Gosling did an AMAZING job. They captured the film in a way that either you’ve been through this yourself, or you know someone who has. So very relevant to many relationships/marriages these days.
Post # 6
@elivt: “I tend to be a little unromantic about this kind of thing, and I know it bothers some people, but it works well for our relationship.”
I don’t think it’s unromantic at all. I think you have to be realistic in order to give your relationship the best chance it’s got.
I know some couples who put their relationship up on a pedestal and sweep their problems under the rug, because they don’t want to spoil the image of their perfect romance. To me that’s delusional, not romantic. It’s also arrogant in a way, and as they say, “pride goes before a fall.”