(Closed) BM altered her dress without my permission

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ugh, rude. I don’t really know if a dress can be let out again after it’s been altered shorter? If they can , I’d bring it up to her in the nicest way possible like, “I’m sure the dress looks nice above the knee but I’m going for a more cohesive look.. any chance you could let it out, just for the wedding?” and see how she reacts. That was rude of her to do it without asking. Is she the MOH? I think it would look ok if she was….

Post # 4
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Unless you specifically told her that all that all the dresses should be a specific length, then there is nothing you can say or do. She probably wanted to look better, feel more comfortable in a shorter dress. As a “shorter” person, I can say that dresses below the knee do not work for me so I will always shortena dress to the knee or just above unless I am told not to.

Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with the PP I am 5’1 and look horrible in dresses that are below the knee. Is she short too? but i would have asked before i did it.

Post # 6
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  The BM in my wedding the dress didn’t fall exactly the same on their legs and I don’t think anyone noticed or would care.  I have one BM who is barely 5′ and would have looked like an oompa loompa if she hadn’t gotten it to sit above her knees.

Post # 7
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh dear!  Well unless she is your MOH or all the dresses are different styles (which it doesn’t sound like)…she is definitely going to stand out compared to the other girls.  

How to fix this…well you could leave it as it is if you don’t really care too much at the end of the day.  I agree that you aren’t going to be able to lengthen hers again – it will not look the same.  BUT what if you could get one more girl to shorten hers as well?  Then you could have them lined up so that the dresses are tea length and knee length alternating and it would not be so obvious that way – it would look like it is supposed to be that way.  You could also get them all shortened, but I like the tea length too so I wouldn’t want to cut all of them just because one BM did that on a whim!  You still have time to fix things if you wanted!

Post # 8
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

are they the same dress or different ones?

Post # 9
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I don’t think you’ll actually notice… I was a BM in a wedding last summer, we’re all different heights so the dress fell differently anyway, but one of the girls had hers shortened (it looked way better than ours I thought, bc I would have done the same thing If I’d been closer to a seamstress) ANyway, back to the point, in the pictures you can’t even tell that she altered it. Mainly because we’re not all the same height, so the dress sat differently on each of us.

As rude as it was not to consult with you first, I think your girls will still look cohesive and awesome 🙂

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Altering a dress from tea length to cocktail length totally undermines the whole everyone-get-the-same-dress thing. Maybe the seamstress left a big allowance (extra fabric in the hem), so you should ask her to have it taken back down. Point out that you picked the dress as it was (tea length) and all the BMs are wearing them as such.

Do you think she got confused somehow, like did you tell the girls to have their dresses altered without specifying thaty you meant to alter the bodice to fit them?

Post # 11
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think this is such a big deal.  The idea of doing it “without my permission” kind of rankles me, assuming she a)paid for this dress and b)paid for the alterations.  It’s a courtesy that she bought it in the first place and is showing up to support you at your wedding.  I would just roll with the punches, because it will likely be one of those things that isn’t really that noticeable (as previous posters have said).

Post # 12
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sometimes people are just plain rude. It was very inconciderate of her to do that! When she brought it up to you did she appear as if it was done in malace?

If so….she deserves a comment. If not there is a good chance that her manner are just poor!

Post # 13
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I dont think its a big deal at all. Its such a small detail compared to what the day is really about.

Post # 14
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, I think she might have asked you first! That’s a bit cheeky. I prefer things on or just above the knee for myself, but I would never have done that kind of alteration without talking to the bride first.

Unfortunately, as you say, there’s not much you can do about it at this point. As someone else suggested, I suppose you could get everyone to get their dresses taken up if you want to make sure they’re more matchy. Or is there anyway to get everyone together to try their dresses on and see how much she stands out? It might not be as bad as you think.

Post # 15
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can see why you’d be frustrated — you’ve obviously got a very specific vision of your wedding day and it must have caught you off-guard. It’s especially difficult since it’s not something that can be undone.

I certainly wouldn’t have handled it the way she did. As a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding, I got my dress and found that it needed alterations (strap issues). So I contacted the bride, told her what I thought needed altering, and asked her if there was anything else she wanted done. I gave her a chance to weigh in before I took it to the tailor, and it would have been courteous for your bridesmaid to do the same. But she didn’t…. c’est la vie.

At this point, I don’t think there’s anything constructive that can come from telling her you’re disappointed. Try to let it go and not sweat the small stuff. One slightly shorter hem will not ruin your wedding day. You will have so much to enjoy and be happy about, I bet you won’t even notice it! (unless she made it a mini! SurprisedWink) But if you’re really worried, maybe talk with your photographer about it and discuss what kinds of pictures would make you happiest.

De-stress, have a happy wedding Smile

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