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i can think of two possible options:
- either she can stick with the dress as ordered or not be in the wedding at all, or
- she can pay for the whole thing herself (including the total cost of the dress as ordered, do not pay for half if she is doing this) and ask her to pay for the other bridesmaid dresses to be altered to, so they all look similar
I would let her know that she can either:
1) Wear the dress as is (with only the alterations necessary to make it fit)
2) Alter the dress how she wants, but she'll have to pay the full purchase price and depending on how drastically the dress is being altered you may have to ask her to step down as a BM
That's hard to deal with :( Try and let her know you want a uniform look with your bridesmaids and she had a chance to say she didn't like it! If she still insists on changing it drastically tell her she can't unless she spays to have the other girls dresses changes as well!
Honestly, I woudl just roll my eyes and let it go. I might talk to her about the payment issues though. Did you ask them for budgets before you chose the dress? If not, you may be stuck still paying for the half. Alterations can be expensive, but not always. Maybe she has a friend who is a seamstress who is changing it for free. Find out the story from HER, and ask her to stop communicating to you through your FI. Presumably she is your friend, if she needs to talk to you about wedding stuff then she should talk to YOU.
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I have one BM who seems to be giving me a hard time. We've been friends for almost 10yrs. I have known her to be nothing but sweet, caring, and super laid back. She was the last person in my bridal party that i would expect to give me any grief about anything.
So it started with late responses to communication. I would send emails to all 6 of my BMs asking about schedules for dress shopping, whether or not theywant to get hair/makeup done, etc. The girls would all respond by the following day or two. I would go days without hearing back from her, until I would call and discuss 1 on 1. Didn't think anything of it til now.
Next, when I found some contenders for a dress for $150, she said that was too expensive. Correction, she had her boyfriend tell my fiancé that it was too expensive. So I called and apologized about neglecting to ask her first, and offered to pay 1/2 of it.
All 6 of us go to try on the dresses (which vary in style slightly, but are the same length and color). Everyone including her claimed to love it, except some girls wanted it tea-length and some wanted it long. Wantig everyone to be happy, I say sure, let's 1/2 you wear it each way, and alternate down the line to maintain some uniformity. Dresses ordered, done deal. Come to find out, I hear from my fiancé who heard from her boyfriend, she decided she doesn't like the dress afterall, and is having a tailor re-work it to completely change its shape and length. Um, why didn't she talk to me herself, and how could she make that decision before even checking with me before drastically altering the dress? Not to mention that'll be expensive-isn't that why I'm paying for 1/2 the dress? I tried to be flexible from the start, giving the girls different options for styles, and 2 options for length, their choice for hair, jewelry, shoes, etc. We met up and talked about it face to face, and she agreed to pick one length. A few minutes after she leaves, she emails (didn't call) that she still wants to have the dress reworked. Huh? Did we not just discuss this?
I feel like just saying fine, cut up the dress and wear it however you want, even thoughyou're not my MOH, yet you're still going to look so different from my other BMs. But at te same time I feel like I've been really flexible thus far, and she's the one who is being unreasonable. I don't want to fight or lose a friend over this.
Sorry, long vent.