- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Just a little venting…I’m really frustrated and don’t want to stress the Fiance with this stuff, considering it involves his best man/best friend since childhood.
My FI’s life-long best friend is his best man, lets call him “P”. P’s longtime girlfriend is one of my bridesmaids, lets call her “S”. The four of us have been friends for the last 10 years since the Fiance and I first got together, spending all of our weekends together, holidays, vacations, etc. P and S have been a couple a few years longer than we’ve been a couple. S lost her job about 2 years ago, and the two of them have been living off of P’s income ever since. He makes decent money, and fortunately they don’t seem to be too effected by her loss of employment. They haven’t appeared to have cut down on spending, as they continue to go out to nice restaurants, go to concerts, she still gets her hair and nails done often, they’ve gone on multiple vacations.
So a little bit of drama begins with S early on regarding the bridesmaids dresses. When the girls and I all went dress shopping, she complained she can’t afford the $150 dress. We discussed the dresses I liked and their cost before, and this is the first time she made mention of the cost being too high. In an attempt to avoid any awkwardness or tension, I immediately say to her I’m so sorry, let me pay for half. Done deal, so I thought. The girls all have options for slight variations of the dress, including style, cut, and length, so that they can wear the dress that fits them best, and still look uniform. Everyone picks a style, loves them, and dresses were bought on the spot. I find out later from my Fiance, who hears its from P, that she is unhappy with the dress and plans on having major alterations done on it to change the style of the dress without even talking to me. So I get in touch with her and we discuss in person what her issues are with the dress, and we come to an agreement. I had hoped that was the end of the minor drama with her.
Next, my Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing a shower for me, and needs each Bridesmaid or Best Man to chip in $40. Everyone does so, except S. Suddenly she can’t get a hold of S, who has not replied to any of MOH’s emails. I call her myself, and she says she can’t afford it. I say I understand, and not to worry about it. Almost 2 months go by and she eventually is able to save enough money and says she will get to participate after all.
Next I inform the all my BMs of where I’m getting my hair/makeup done the day of the wedding. I ask if any of them would like to get theirs done too so that I can make arrangements with the salon, completely optional. She says Yes, Definitely! So I tell her the price, and sign her up. When our deposit is due, everyone pays the salon their share, except S. When the salon tells me that she hasn’t paid, I called her. She says she wants to get her hair and makeup done, but can’t afford it. I tell her she doesn’t have to do it, it’s totally fine. She insists that she wants to do it, and asks me to cover her and she’ll pay me back next week. Over a month passes when she finally pays me back. That actually sounds a lot smoother than it went down.. Between this and the 40 bucks for the bridal shower, she and P made it pretty uncomfortable for us before paying. Comments like, “oh, you really need that $40 now, huh, you can’t just wait until the wedding?” stuff like that. They made me feel like a debt collector. It was very uncomfortable.
I started to feel pretty bad for her for a while thinking wow, maybe they ARE hurting financially. I totaled in my mind what she has spent so far, and it’s far less than $200 that she’s had to pay for her dress, the shower, and hair/makeup. Then we are hanging out one day, and she tells me how she’s going to buy human hair extensions to use at the wedding for $150. I was like, huh?! Then she says she’s going to get eyelash extensions in Beverly Hills for $200+, plus a trial a few weeks prior to see how she likes them. Huh?! And says she just bought this cool new kitchen appliance for $300+. Huh?!! Then she tells me they’re going to Hawaii on vacation for 2 weeks. HUH?!! I thought they were having money problems, which was why she was making me feel bad about the dress, shower, etc! What kind of financial problems are you having if you can spend like that? She almost didn’t even participate at my shower until the last minute!
And she even made some snooty comments about my weight loss. Instead of complimenting me or even acknowledging that I’ve been losing weight, she says to me, “I have to work a lot harder than you to get any results because I’m a few years older than you. You have a better metabolism.” Really? Because I’ve been working out 6 days a week for the past few months, sometimes twice a day before and after work, when I know for a fact she doesn’t work out at all. I’ve been working really hard to lose this weight, it’s not because of “my metabolism.” Thanks for being supportive.
Meanwhile, her boyfriend/FI’s best man P makes bratty comments about our wedding whenever we hang out. Stuff like, “what are we eating at your reception? OMG, a BUFFET?!” with a horrified look on his face. Or, “Only Beer/Wine/Sodas? No hard liquor?!” which is ridiculous of him to say considering he doesn’t drink. He even gave us grief for not allowing S’s brother to bring a plus one. What does he care? We invited her brother who we barely talk to, that’s not good enough? Now we are expected to pay for essentially Fi’s-best friend’s-girlfriend’s-brother’s-new girlfriend, who have just started dating and who we’ve met a total of 1 time? Are you kidding me? We have a limited capacity and have had a hard time sticking to our max guest count as it is…if any room happens to open up somewhere, there are other people we’d like to include, not some stranger!
I complained to Fiance about this before, but I can tell he’s getting stressed by the tension, which is why I will not vent to him anymore. He doesn’t need the stress, and I know it makes him sad. We’ve all been friends for so long, and Fiance and P have been best friends since childhood. I’m hoping that this all blows over. I’ve been trying to be really patient and not give any attitude because I don’t want this polluting our friendship. I wish I never asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I bet if I hadn’t, she would’ve been upset about that too.
Sorry for the long post…just needed to vent! whew!