BM cant attend the wedding… How do I tell the bride? Help!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@dv3849:  well, she did change the date. So really, this is not your fault at all. I would tell her the truth… with the date change you are not able to make it home at that time of year.

Post # 4
562 posts
Busy bee

This is obviously a great reason for having to miss it! You tried to see if you can take a day off. And she changed the date so you had no way to know. 

She still has a ton of time before her wedding. I would let her know that you are so sorry you can’t make it- but there is just no way. She can’t expect you to lie to your medical school or risk failing your psych placement. 

It will be ok! She will probably be bummed, but she wiill understand. Good luck!

Post # 5
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@dv3849:  If she is your friend she will understand…She might even change the date back or do something else for you. If my MOH or BMs had a good reason (like you) for missing the wedding I would get a little upset but I would understand.

Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@dv3849:  I think you just tell her what you told us.  You made the original commitment when you thought that you were available on her wedding date.  Now you have a pre-existing obligation (and something very important for your future, at that) which prohibits you from attending the wedding.

It really stinks for both you and her, but it doesn’t really sound like it can be helped unless she hasn’t actually set the date in stone yet and would be willing to adjust around your psych placement.

I would just stress how bummed out you are, and that you WISH you could do it, but the timing is just not going to work. 

When she moved the wedding up a year without talking to anyone involved first, she sort of took that risk.  It’s super unfortunate, but who knows?  Maybe she can work around it?

Post # 7
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@dv3849:  I would seriously send her a message with exactly what you wrote here! Let her know you did her best and it just isn’t possible. I feel for you this has to be tough! My FBIL was considering planning his wedding during clinicals and I had to tell him we wouldn’t be able to make it if they did but it worked out because they are now thinking after graduation. 

Post # 8
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dv3849:  tell her exactly what you just told us.  Offer to help with anything you can while you’re in Ireland, maybe they can plan to Skype you into the ceremony/reception so you can watch.  Can you pre-record a speech or reading that can be played at the ceremony/reception?

Post # 9
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dv3849:  It really is too bad but she knew you were in med school when she changed the date. Who, in their right mind, thinks that someone in med school in another country, will be able to attend a wedding at the end of September?

Post # 10
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sure she’ll understand. Just tell her what you told us–that you already tried to get it moved or to take a few days off, but that you can’t.

Post # 11
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dv3849:  Just tell her the truth…tell her how hard you tried and what they said. You could suggest that you can definitely do it if she were to go back to the other date….or maybe you can even see if a dif date would work for the two of you. 

I know i planned my wedding date around my moh because of her school schedule. 


Post # 13
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just be honest with her…she changed the date on you, so I’m sure she will understand.  One of my BM’s came to me and said that although she was really excited to be in the wedding, she just doesn’t think its the best thing right now (her husband just got into remission for esophigal cancer and now her mil has breast cancer).  While I was bummed, I totally understand.  Life happens.  While changing the wedding date may have worked better for her, it doesn’t for you…and she will understand that 🙂

Post # 14
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@dv3849:  I would just be honest and explain the situation to her. It is completely reasonable and she should understand.

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