Post # 1
My best friend recently asked me to be her MOH. She just announced her wedding, which will take place this August. I’m honestly feel honored to be asked, but I’m beginning to feel afraid that I honestly can’t afford to be a BM. The dress, shoes, wrap, professional hair and makeup on the day, plus gift is going to cost upwards of $400 and this is truly out of my budget. I just simply don’t have that kind of money to spare. I feel absolutely horrible backing out -which I really don’t want to do. But, I don’t really know what else to do at this point?
Post # 3
I think you should be honest with her and tell her that you can’t afford it. You don’t want to be spending money that you don’t have. Will you still be able to attend the wedding itself?
Post # 4
I think you need to be honest with her. If she can, maybe she’d buy your gown etc. I think your wedding gift could be something less expensive and more meaningful, if you diy? Could one of your friends do your make-up and hair? Do you all have to have matching shoes, or do you have some that you already own? or could borrow? These things might make it possible for you to accept. If these ideas don’t work out-maybe you would like to do a reading during the ceremony instead? If you are honest with her, and feel as though you can bring up these ideas with her, I think that something will work out. I knew my many of my daughter’s friends had just graduated from graduate school, and I didn’t have a ton of money to spend, so I found 5 matching New BM with tags dresses on Craigslist for $200.00 total, so I bought them all, and each girl got the one closest to their size, and then only had to have it adjusted for themselves. I also got my gorgeous quality/well made MOB gown for only $129.00 at http://www.keepmeinstitches.biz I’ve seen many of their BM gowns for $75-90.00 If you do go with them, make sure all measurements are done professionally. I went to my local drycleaner seamstress business. I take a size 2x regularly and I had to order a 5x 🙁 but it was absolutely gorgeous!
Post # 5
Let her know. For example, my bridesmaids and MOH are all in college/gradschool and generally broke. I am too. But taking all of this into account we’re shopping for dresses around $50, I told them they didn’t have to get me anything, and we’ll probably be doing our hair ourselves unless a cousin of mine comes from Germany.
Post # 6
Thank you all for responding, I appreciate it. Even if I can’t be a BM, I’ll most definitely still attend the wedding. The thing is though about the dress, is that the bride to be wants a specific dress, shoes, and wrap from David’s Bridal, so unfortunately a cheaper alternative probably won’t happen. I think what I might do is keep searching the classifieds/ebay/craigslist to see if I can find it for less. Nevertheless, I’ll have a honest talk with my friend about my financial situation and take it from there.
Post # 7
Definitely tell the bride your concerns. Personally I think it’s ridiculous for a bride to expect her BMs to buy shoes, wrap (?!), and pay for professional hair & makeup. You should only have to pay for a dress, and if the bride knows you’re in a financial bind she should offer to pay half or all of it as your bridesmaids gift instead of a bunch of useless personalized crap. I also think it’s perfectly understandable for you to step down if you can’t afford it; $400 is a lot of moolah for some stuff you’re never going to use again.
Post # 8
talk to her definately. she will understand if shes a good friend.
for instance, one of my BM’s is fresh out of gradschool and unemployed, two are professionals, one has an ok job but 2 kids and is the breadwinner, and one is unemployed but her parents take care of her expenses.
i recognize that not everyone has a ton of money to spend on MY wedding, so i am doing things as inexpensively as i can. i picked a dress that was right aroudn $100, just telling them to get a shoe thats gold (so they can use oen they already have, or buy something super cheap if they have to), and they can do their own hair and makeup if they want.
and the ladies that i have standing beside me, its so important for me that if they couldnt afford it i would find a way to pay for her stuff because i want her to be part of it.
Post # 9
Well, I talked to my friend last night and it went really well. She was totally sympathetic and has offered to pay for my dress. So, it looks like I don’t have to back out after all -yea!
Thanks again everyone for the advice!