Post # 1
I have read so many posts on this site in the past few months but this my very first post! I’m really upset and confused about the way my BM (she is my only BM besides my MOH) is acting lately so I wanted to see if anyone else has gone through this.
My city does not have much for wedding dresses so I decided to fly to a much bigger city an hour away from my BM to go shopping. She was ecstatic at first, but now that the day is approaching, she is pulling out every excuse to not show. The last time I talked to her she was really annoyed at every choice I had made for the wedding so far. I think because she had similar things in mind for her wedding even though she isn’t even engaged yet. She’s acting like she’s going out of her way to find a purple dress and just show up to the wedding. Has anyone else gone through this? Should I say something to her or just let it go?
Post # 3
I don’t think you can really expect your BM to love everything you’re doing. I honestly haven’t shared all that much about my wedding with BMs because they haven’t asked. I’m not really expecting them to help with anything, other than showing up in the dress on the day of the wedding. I’m also not doing any DIY, so that probably helps.
Post # 4
@Kimmer43: This is why I don’t share too much information or ask too many opinions of my bridesmaids. I go to my MOH with some things, but not all, and tend to stick to talking to FI or my mom about most decisions.
Reason being A) your bridesmaids don’t care as much as you do about your wedding. In fact, they probably barely care at all beyond being happy for you and excited for an open bar. And B) everyone is going to have different tastes, and I don’t want to hear people putting down my choices.
As far as your BM acting like she’s going out of her way to find a dress and show up–well, she IS going out of her way. She’s setting that day aside for you, hunting for the right dress (one that makes her feel pretty but also one that will please you), and then paying for it with her own money.
I’ve been a bridesmaid many times over, and to be honest, I can’t remember ever once jumping out of my skin with excitement to spend my money on a dress I didn’t pick out 😛
Post # 5
I completely thought I’d be one of those brides who had zero issues with bridesmaids….but trust me, even the most well-meaning, wonderful friends get side-tracked, distracted or otherwise, are just disinterested. It’s not a reflection of your friendship (as I’m still happily friends with all my girls) – it’s just life. And life gets in the way sometimes.
I have to echo the sentiments of a previous poster. While it’s helpful to have people to bounce ideas off of and get a little extra help from when it’s truly needed…you can’t expect that they want to or should weigh in on everything. Flying to another city may not be in her budget, she may not have time, or she may just not want to…but you have to be ok with that. You are so very much allowed to be disappointed, but you shouldn’t be angry at her. If I were in your shoes…I would let this go.
Post # 6
Thanks for bringing me back down to earth ladies! I feel like this was the onset of my first bridezilla moment and I definitely don’t want that.
I’m just sad that I’m spending the money (and my MOH too) to fly to a city close to her because she was disappointed that she couldn’t take part in picking out a dress, and now she’s backing out.
Post # 7
@Kimmer43: First of all, welcome to the Hive 🙂
Did you specifically chose to go to that city because your BM lives there and she said yes to dress shopping? Since I am going to assume no, and that there will be other people you know, then I would just take them or go alone. I know it sucks going alone, but your BM may be truly busy or just really doesn’t want to go. Honestly, as a MOH, if my friend had asked me to go dress shopping with her I would have (reluctantly) agreed. I don’t care to look at dresses for my own wedding, much less anyone else’s wedding.
It doesn’t mean she is a bad BM, or you made the wrong choice in choosing her. She just isn’t as excited as you are, and that is ok. I would let it go. It isn’t a reflection on if she will support you the day of or not.
Post # 8
@lizardloo: yeah this. I was sooo not happy when all us girls (unengaged) talked about our future weddings/ ideas and then when 1 got engaged, she used several unique ideas I had brainstormed- then when I was like “oh yeah, I found that in…” I was shut down- with “you’re not engaged”. So from then on- I was not interested in anything wedding related becasue I felt like a lessor to her.
Post # 9
@megz06: No, you’re absolutely right. It wasn’t for her specifically. I have a sister who lives nearby as well so it was for the two of them. BM was upset that I was looking at dresses here with my MOH and felt left out, so I figured I would make the trip down and actually buy one there with her, the prices are better there too! As of last week she was looking forward to it but now she is spending the weekend at her BFs parents cottage. Which is triple the distance than it would be to come see me!
I guess it just is that she isn’t interested, which I’m not holding against her. It just sucks that I put the effort into trying to bring everyone together and now she’s backing out.
Post # 10
@Kimmer43: It does suck, and you know what? If she says anything again about not being included I would remind her of this trip and tell her you tried to include her.