Post # 1
I am having a destination wedding, and I have 2 BM’s and 1 MOH. Except they’re all kind of honorary MOH’s, there’s no real line drawn. Anyways. Different story.
I have never been a BM and so I’m not entirely sure of etiquette, but I thought it would be a great idea if I could buy the dresses for them as their gifts. Is that enough? Should I plan on a supplemental gift as well? I guess it all boils down to budget, but I am trying to put myself in their shoes – if they had to shell out a good amount to travel with me, and then pay for the dress on top of that? I am contemplating to also throw in the shoes.
So I guess my questionto all you ladies that have had experience being or having BM’s is: Is the BM dress and/or the shoes enough of a gift? Or will they expect more?
Post # 3
@NinaS: I’m in the UK and I know the customs are different in the US. The custom in the UK is for brides to pay for the BM dresses whereas I know it’s not in the US. I understand your point about them paying for their travel so I think it would go down well. Dpeending on your budget you could get them a keepsake too. Though other destination brides will be of more help than me.
Post # 4
I think it is a great idea! I know that the girls would be greatful and then you don’t have to worry at all about getting something else. I would say that is a very nice gift and they will be delighted to have that burden lifted from them since they are traveling.
Post # 5
I don’t think paying for the dress is a “gift”. If they’re travelling already I think it’s great if you pay for the dress, but I don’t think that should replace the gift you give your attendants.
I would honestly be rather offended if I was a BM and I recived my dress as a “gift”. Unless the dress was something I picked out (with your permission) and you gifted me the dress that’s different.
Most girls who accept the honor of being in the bridal party EXPECT to pay for the dress. So long as you don’t pick super crazy expensive I don’t think you should offer to pay unless you’re offering to pay AS WELL as still getting them a gift for their participation.
*THOUGH* For 1 of my maids she has specifically asked me to buy or pay for something instead of a gift. Her specific request, as money is really tight. That I don’t have a problem with. But she came to me, to ask that. I basically said well it’s only in my budget to pay x amount for your gift for helping out and she said I’d rather you take that money, skip the gift and buy me my shoes, dress or hair and makeup. I agreed, but I’m only doing it for that 1 maid.
Post # 6
I can see vmec’s point, but I would have been thrilled to have been given my dress as a BM. It significantly cuts down the cost of being in a bridal party (or at least lessens it in a DW), and that would make me super grateful anyway.
Honestly, giving them the dress is letting them keep $150 or whatever of their own money, which is so much better than jewelry or any of the traditional BM gifts.
Post # 7
I know a lot of people think bridesmaids should get gifts that have nothing to do with your wedding, but personally, I’d much prefer for the bride to buy my dress rather than get another clutch, necklace, etc.
Post # 8
I think it really depends on your group of friends. If they are tight for money, they would probably appreciate not spending $150 on a dress. I would definitely appreciate it.
Yes, its not a “gift” technically, but if it lets them spend their 150 on themselves, they’d probably appreciate. Maybe ask them if they would like their dresses paid for “in leiu of BM gifts” and let them decide. Remember, a lot of BM gifts never get used, anyway.
Post # 9
@NinaS: I don’t know… I guess I am a little different. I would be more than happy if the Bride offered to pay for my dress…. Like PPs have said, that is $100+ that could have been kept in my pocket. To be honest, I don’t really care what the Bride gives me as a gift… I have been in 3 weddings and the first wedding I received the Jewelry that I had to wear that day (which I no longer have or know where it’s at), the second wedding I received some lotion, and the third wedding I received a tote bag….. So, I would look at the Bride offering to pay for a dress that I will probably wear for only one day…. a nice gift…. BUT, that is my opinion solely…
Good Luck to ya!
Post # 10
“Expecting” a gift seems strange to me….I would never expect for someone to buy me something. They agreed to be a part of this beautiful day because they care about you. I have been in several weddings. Some gave gifts (like the bridesmaid dress) and some didn’t. I did not feel offended in either situation.
I bought my bridesmaids dresses and jewelry. I had them and their taste in mind when I bought it….I probably won’t buy them a “gift”. I can’t see any of them being offended by that. If they are, oh well. Guess I won’t ask them to be bridesmaids in my next wedding. HAHAHA totally kidding…
Post # 11
I disagree w/ some of the other posters, buying the BM dress, to me, is a wonderful gift! I know I would prefer that hands down compared to most “typical BM gifts” out there.
I think this is very sweet of you & I think your girls would appreaciate you trying to lessen their financial load -esp since this is a DW wedding, I think your idea makes it even more thoughtful 🙂
Post # 12
Unless you had a really cool/unique bridesmaid’s gift in mind, I think they’d probably appreciate you paying for their dress even more. It seems like most of the bridesmaid gifts I’ve seen aren’t really things that would be used often or fit every girl’s style
Post # 13
@NinaS: I also have two bridesmaids and one MOH. One bridemaid is local and is my FSIL and the other two live in Los Angeles (I’m in SF). I knew my FSIL would not pay for her own dress because she is a grad student and doesn’t work so I offered to pay for my others dresses since it wouldn’t be fair to just pay for my FSIL. If given the chance, I probably wouldn’t pay but given the fact that two are traveling to SF to attend my wedding which did factor into my decision. I think you should be clear with your BMs about what you’re covering ahead of time. I think I’ve gotten myself into a tough situation with paying for my FSIL…I know she expects makeup and mani/pedi too!
Post # 14
I think you have to ask each maid. As is the popular opinion. If they would appricate you purchasing the dress in leiu of any other gift. I would appriciate you asking me what I’d prefer. I personally would say. Thanks for asking but I don’t have a problem purchasing my own dress as that’s what I figured would happen since accepting my position as your BM.
Post # 15
@vmec: Excellent idea! Thanks! I am going to poll them and only buy dresses for those who request it.
Post # 16
@NinaS: This is also a great way to figure out if you’re asking too much on a BM dress. If you wouldn’t want to cough up the cash, your BM’s might not want to cough up that much either. 🙂