Post # 1
So…I just found out that my best friend won’t be able to stand in the wedding or even attend it because the father of her 2 young kids, passed away this week. Although they haven’t been in a relatioship for a few years, they have 2 babies together…and he was a part of their lives.
His wake is on my wedding day and I’m sad because I want to be there for her during this time, and attend the wake to show support. Obviously I can’t do that…I was really hoping the arrangements would be on Saturday, and not on Friday. I’m also really sad because she won’t be with me on the wedding day. She’s like a sister to me. We’ve known each other for 21 years and I can’t picture going through the big day and having a good time without her. I feel horribly guilty for thinking about the wedding. Why do I feel this way?!
When everything’s right, everything’s wrong.
Post # 3
@ColorLove: She wouldnt be able to make both? Unless your wedding is in the early afternoon, most wakes take place in the morning/early afternoon. Granted she would probably be sad, but I wouldnt miss my BF’s wedding over anything.
Post # 4
That’s awful 🙁 Try not to feel guilty, but I know where you’re coming from, it’s hard to make happy plans/thoughts when someone you care about is hurting like that. It’s ok though, I doubt she would want you to be sad or feel this way on your special day, *hugs*.
Post # 5
How about you set apart some time to call and talk to he during your wedding day? You might not be able to be there with her but just spending a little bit of your big day supporting her will mean a lot.
Post # 6
@AlwaysSunny: I think that is a brilliant idea! I am sure she will be so touched that you were thinking of her on your day.
Post # 7
@AlwaysSunny: that is a really cute & sweet idea.
OP, I cant imagine how hard this is for both of you. I think she would much rather be at your wedding. I think doing what ohmystars suggested is great. Set aside a minute or two to call and even just leave a voicemail. Or maybe write a card or letter and tell her not to open it until your wedding day.Something to let her know you are thinking of her…i’m sure she will be thinking of you and want to be with you!
Post # 8
Oh that is so sad. I agree with calling her on your wedding day, so she is still included. Also, make some time before to do something nice like bringing flowers or cookies for the kids…something thoughtful because they are probably devastated. Your friend knows you love her, but in times of grief you can’t hear it enough.
Post # 9
@MsNarwhal: Wakes are typically at night, with funerals the following morning / early afternoon…and they tend to go on longer if there is some sort of ‘reception’ afterwards which there usually is. While, it *might* have been possible if this were a relative the BM was not close with, it would be unreasonable to expect her to leave the wake or funeral of this man early…as they WERE close, she is probably extremely sad and upset and also has to tend to her children in their grief.
It sounds like the OP has the right idea, trying to find a way to show your friend you still care and are there for her, and not stressing (out loud anyway, we all have thoughts we don’t speak) about how it affects your wedding. Thinking of your friend during this time in your own life just shows what an amazing friend you are.
Post # 10
I’m sorry, but being there for my children when their father just passed away trumps ANYONE’S wedding. I can’t imagine leaving their side just to attend my best friend’s wedding no matter how tight we are.
OP, like others have said, I’d just call her and let her know that I was thinking of her and that she would be missed, but everyone understands and nobody would expect her to abandon her babies for a wedding. I’d also send a heartfelt sympathy card addressed to her and the children. As simple as that is, it meant so much to me that someone took the time out of their day to mail a card to let me know they cared.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry, how sad. I think you should talk to your BM and say how sorry you are, how sad for her and her children and how sad you are that she won’t be able to be there for your wedding and that you won’t be able to be there for her at her ex’s wake. And hug her and tell her you love her and that you wish things were different. 🙁