(Closed) BM had a death in the family.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ColorLove:  She wouldnt be able to make both? Unless your wedding is in the early afternoon, most wakes take place in the morning/early afternoon. Granted she would probably be sad, but I wouldnt miss my BF’s wedding over anything. 

Post # 4
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

That’s awful 🙁 Try not to feel guilty, but I know where you’re coming from, it’s hard to make happy plans/thoughts when someone you care about is hurting like that. It’s ok though, I doubt she would want you to be sad or feel this way on your special day, *hugs*.

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

How about you set apart some time to call and talk to he during your wedding day? You might not be able to be there with her but just spending a little bit of your big day supporting her will mean a lot. 

Post # 6
Member
8315 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@AlwaysSunny:  I think that is a brilliant idea! I am sure she will be so touched that you were thinking of her on your day.

 

Post # 7
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@AlwaysSunny:  that is a really cute & sweet idea.

OP, I cant imagine how hard this is for both of you. I think she would much rather be at your wedding. I think doing what ohmystars suggested is great. Set aside a minute or two to call and even just leave a voicemail. Or maybe write a card or letter and tell her not to open it until your wedding day.Something to let her know you are thinking of her…i’m sure she will be thinking of you and want to be with you!

Post # 8
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh that is so sad. I agree with calling her on your wedding day, so she is still included. Also, make some time before to do something nice like bringing flowers or cookies for the kids…something thoughtful because they are probably devastated. Your friend knows you love her, but in times of grief you can’t hear it enough.

Post # 9
Member
2032 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsNarwhal:  Wakes are typically at night, with funerals the following morning / early afternoon…and they tend to go on longer if there is some sort of ‘reception’ afterwards which there usually is.  While, it *might* have been possible if this were a relative the BM was not close with, it would be unreasonable to expect her to leave the wake or funeral of this man early…as they WERE close, she is probably extremely sad and upset and also has to tend to her children in their grief.

 It sounds like the OP has the right idea, trying to find a way to show your friend you still care and are there for her, and not stressing (out loud anyway, we all have thoughts we don’t speak) about how it affects your wedding.  Thinking of your friend during this time in your own life just shows what an amazing friend you are.   

Post # 10
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsNarwhal:  

 

I’m sorry, but being there for my children when their father just passed away trumps ANYONE’S wedding. I can’t imagine leaving their side just to attend my best friend’s wedding no matter how tight we are.

 

OP, like others have said, I’d just call her and let her know that I was thinking of her and that she would be missed, but everyone understands and nobody would expect her to abandon her babies for a wedding. I’d also send a heartfelt sympathy card addressed to her and the children. As simple as that is, it meant so much to me that someone took the time out of their day to mail a card to let me know they cared.

Post # 11
Member
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m so sorry, how sad. I think you should talk to your BM and say how sorry you are, how sad for her and her children and how sad you are that she won’t be able to be there for your wedding and that you won’t be able to be there for her at her ex’s wake. And hug her and tell her you love her and that you wish things were different. 🙁

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