Post # 1
Getting married on 11th July. I asked a good friend and cousin to be my BM on my day. I thought these people were relaxed and uncomplicated. OMG what a mistake.
I have not asked the girls to do anything so far and have fixed all arrangements myself. I even allowed them to choose their own dresses and paid for them. One of them then had the audacity to complain about hers.
I arranged for a hairdresser and make-up person to come to the house on the day of the wedding to fix us up but now one bridesmaid wants to go to her own hairdresser instead as she maintains she is better at doing her hair.
I am not happy with this as i feel they should be there for me on the morning but i don’t know how to address the situation without being aggresive and causin a fallout. Right now though i wish i had never asked them and married without any bridesmaids.
Any advice appreciated
Post # 3
Wow, I’m sorry your BM is being difficult, particularly in the face of your generosity!
Can her hairdresser come to the house? If so maybe it’s not such a big problem and could even save some time?
Post # 4
Hi Lorienne. That’s a good suggestion will try it. I think i just feel resentful of their complete selfishness and lack of any goodwill or co-operation.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Post # 5
Can you just sit them down and say you understand that she likes her hairdresser but it’s important that they be there for you, and you’d really appreciate it if they would be there. I like Lorienne’s idea too-maybe say let’s try and do this but if not I’d like you to be there! i’m so sorry you’re having so much difficulty!!
Post # 6
I’ll say that it is generous for you to allow them to pick out their own dress. And to pay for them to boot… That’s way cool. What could the one Bm possibly have a problem with?? Is she regretting her dress choice? Well anyway, she needs to deal.
When you say you haven’t asked them to do anything, is that because you could and wanted to handle it yourself? Or they seemed to be uninterested or standoffish? I guess outside of the dress complaint, I’m trying to grasp how things seem so out of balance to you.
A for the hair. As you’ve describe, I personally don’t see a huge deal. When’s the ceremony? Are you taking pictures at your house? What time do you think you need her at your house? Can she get her hair appt for earlier, then meet you at the house? I understand wanting her to be there the morning of the wedding. But is she providing you much by sitting there getting her hair done by your hairdresser? Are you concerned she’s going to flake and not come on time? Or that she’ll get some updo, you don’t want the BMs to have?
To be honest I have to get my hair done for a wedding. And I’m not really looking forward to paying money for someone to take a crack at my hair, fearing I could do a better job on myself without paying any money. And if I wasn’t OOT, and had my own hairdresser, I’d probably be saying the same thing as your bridesmaid. She knows and trusts someone with her hair. If you need to give her some parameters on hairstyle fine. And be clear on when you want her at your house. Other than that, I’d let it go, for sanity’s sake.
Post # 7
Yeah it’s just that this particular bridemaid has a tendency toward always being late. She was always late for dress fittings etc. Also there is the photographs too. I would hate to be in a situation where i was waiting for her to show up while under pressure for time and i don’t think i should have to worry on my day about the very people who should be a support.
On the hair i am actually easy on whatever way they want and don’t mind. But usually the bridal party go wherever the bride does. Personally if i was BM i would use whoever the bride did and suck it up. I have done in the past and i was given no input on dress styles etc.
I planned a lot on my own because basically there were no other offers of support or much interest either.
I suppose there will need to be some sort of timescale set out and a bit of discussion on who does what. I can only think if i were to do this again i would have planned a small ceremony with no BM. God help people who have several.My cousin is getting married later this year and this is what she’s doing. I think she is a very wise woman!
I’m sorry i know i am being negative. Just feeling so p***** at the minute.
Post # 8
If she is always late and insists on having her hairstylist do her hair, could you give her a fake time you need her at the house by? I totally understand wanting to have your bms be there the morning of, but if she doesn’t get her way, is she going to rude and grouchy toward you? It might be better to let her have her way with the hairstylist, but tell her you need her at the house an hour or so BEFORE when she actually needs to be there. If you’re starting pics at 2:30, for example, tell her the photographer will be there at 1:00 so she has a big buffer of time during which she can be late but won’t ruin any of your plans.
Post # 9
Hi Mrs. Spring,
Yes i think you’re right. I will let them do what they like. You are right it is better to be on my own than have extra tension where people are unhappy. I will plan ahead to have evertone there on time instead.
Thanks. I’m sure i will be posting again. It is great to let some of the stress out to people who genuinely understand.