BM is cheating on her husband and he's finding out tonight

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

Wow, I can’t imagine holding onto that information! If, god forbid, there is a “next time”, next time you have this kind of secret, I’d tell FI not to tell anyone else. I’m glad that he is going to find out, because he needs to know, but it should have come from her. Though, like you said, it potentially isn’t your fault- why was she going around telling everyone about it???

I hope that things work out for the best for them, be it counseling or divorce. I have asked myself before what would do in this situation, and I’m still not sure. Sorry your friend put it on you!

Post # 5
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As much as I am against infidielity, I don’t think it’s you or your fiance’s business to get involved. It’s her private business between her and her husband. If she is unkind enough to cheat on her husband, he needs to find out for himself and as her friend you should have taken her aside and spoken to her about why you think it is wrong and that she should come clean with her husband, it’s not your job to tattle on her, obviously there is problem between her and her husband if she feels the need to cheat and they should probably be in couples counseling. Also, if she has cheated and lied to her husband which is obviously something you disapprove of, why is she still your bridesmaid/friend?

Post # 4
Member
13005 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s a whole crap ton of he said, she said.  Unless anyone has hard proof, and even if they did, is it anyones place to tell him?  If this person is close enough to you to be a BM and her world is about to be turned upside down (albeit by her own actions/choices), I’d be a little less worried about the drama and impact on my own wedding, and more concerened about the friendships and her well being.  The worst that can happen to your wedding is that she sits out of the wedding and your happy day goes on.  A lot more can happen in terms of ruined relationships.

Post # 6
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so sorry. I’ve been in a similar situation before and it’s really tough. However I agree with the PP’s…why is this girl still in your wedding if she obviously doesn’t value marriage?

 

Post # 7
Member
2245 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Anonymous_Bee20:  i would be extremely annoyed with my fiancé if I told him something that a friend had shared with my in confidence, and he went and blabbed to someone else, who continued to spread the gossip. I think you have to accept that if it gets back to your friend, that you are the one who shared her secret, the friendship will probably be over. 

Post # 8
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds like your BM can’t keep her legs OR her mouth shut.. she has no one to blame but herself.

Post # 9
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Anonymous_Bee20:  She’s going to be angry at everyone. Just keep telling yourself that YOU are not the reason she is miserable, SHE is the reason she is miserable. She started all of this the day she hooked up with him.

Post # 10
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Anonymous_Bee20:  I certainly don’t agree with cheating, but why would your fiance tell anyone something that you told him in confidence?  I have kind of taken the stance that anything that I tell one of my good friends will likely be retold to her husband and I get that, so had I been in your shoes I also would have told my fiance.  However, it is pretty crappy of him to tell anyone else something that you told him.

Post # 11
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

While the cheating isn’t cool at all, that’s their business. You having told your FI and he going around telling people – also so not cool. 

I think she at least deserves a warning if she’s your good friend. You don’t need to admit you told someone, just tell her word spread to you that her sister in law or whoever that was knows and is going to tell him tonight. 

I think the least she deserves is to tell himself before he learns it from someone else. 

Post # 12
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

Anonymous_Bee20:  This girl has nobody else to blame but herself. If my friend came up to me and let me know she was cheating, I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut either. Whatever happens, not your fault. She couldn’t keep her legs or mouth shut, now she’s going to get what she deserves. 

Post # 14
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

 

Anonymous_Bee20:  i can’t believe your wedding is your main concern. this is one of your closest friends! her life is about to be ruined… whether it was her own doing or not, be a little bit more empathetic. and your primary concern is it getting back to you? well of course, you and your fiance didn’t seem too worried about spreading it around! i’ll echo a PP and say i think you need to warn her about what is about to come… and try to act a little less selfish in the process.

Post # 13
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

MsquareM:  Why should the cheater get a warning? So she could deny it and try to talk her way out of it? She made her bed, now she has to lay in it

Post # 15
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

 

MrsSweetT:  it would give her an opportunity to come clean for her husband’s sake… he doesn’t need to be humiliated and told by his sister. she should have to fess up. and regardless of what we think of our friend’s actions, i think we should always be looking out for their well being.

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