BM is engaged and I don't approve… eugh (Rant)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsRevolutionize:  I think your friend is doing what a lot of people do, under circumstances a lot of people experience.  His divorce is in his past, and no one should be ‘judged’ for it.  You even said he seems like a nice, polite man, which means he probably is – even if he is divorced, and even if he decided to join a Church thereafter.

Their age does not matter, as long as they are consenting adults, which they are.  Their length of courtship does not matter, as long as they are both ready to commit to marriage (even if their reason for ‘rushing’ is to have sex, because they are both committing now to NOT due to her vows of celivacy).  What DOES matter is that your friend is a) happy, and b) in a healthy relationship.  Your contents of your post does not reflect that either a or b are in jeaporady at this time.  I am glad you are being supportive, because I think in this situation you should be, unless serious red flags present themselves…


Post # 4
1346 posts
Bumble bee

I would mind my own business, sorry to be harsh, but how would you feel if your relationship was criticized? Just hope they plan on having a long engagement. Also remember that while marriages are meant to last a lifetime, they don’t have to. No one is legally forced to stay in a bad relationship, just remind your friend that you are there for her if she ever needs you.

I have had lots of people question me because my boyfriend is a little rough around the edges and not known for being very stable, but I also know that he has made so many positive changes in his life since we’ve known eachother because he now has a reason to. 

Post # 5
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’d ask yourself a few questions:

1.  Is there abuse or any other threatening/potentially harmful behavior going on?  Are there signs that it could be going on?

2.  Are they underage or being coerced?

3.  How much do you honetly know about their relationship (beyond vague I think they’re getting married to have sex)?

4.  What does it really matter that he’s divorced?

Put simply, she’s your friend, it doesn’t sound like she’s in any danger, so I’d say your role is to be happy and wish them the best, not be the one to rain on their parade esp. when you don’t know most of the facts.  Just because her relationship is not following certain ‘rules’ does not mean it’s doomed to failure.  

Post # 6
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

A close friend of mine got married to a guy I can’t stand. It wasn’t my place to tell her otherwise. If he makes get happy, great. 

Post # 8
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

MrsRevolutionize:  Having witnessed a few Christian relationships that were rushed down the aisle so that they could “do the deed” as you put it, I agree that it totally weirds me out!

But hey, those same people, because of their faith seem more likely to stay together.

So as long as he hasn’t done anything wrong that you’ve seen, be supportive!

Post # 10
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

One of my very close friends got engaged to a man she had started dating after about a year.  I was very leary about him as well for the same reasons you are.  They have now been married for 4 years and are happier then ever.  They also just celebrated their babies 2 year birthday. 

I think you have to take it day by day.  Just express your concerns and just be there for her if she has any issues with him.

Post # 11
957 posts
Busy bee

I can relate to your concerns and I would feel the same way. However I do know that sometimes things just feel right. It sounds like you’re willing to be supportive, which is important. Maybe once you get to know her fiance, you’ll feel better about everything.

Maybe they’re planning a long engagement?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  MrsGatito.
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